July 26, 2021

CONNECTED Roundtable #9 PHYLOTIMO, Love, Friendship, Honor, and Giving to Each Other

CONNECTED Roundtable #9 PHYLOTIMO, Love, Friendship, Honor, and Giving to Each Other

This is an episode dedicated to our favorite word: PHYLOTIMO. Philotimo is an all encompassing concept that gives meaning to life that stretches well beyond ourselves, as that deep seated awareness in the heart that motivates the good that a person does. Philotimo  is a sense of duty to your fellow human being. It is about love and friendship. It's about giving and it's about honor. And when you break it down in Greek, Philo means friend timo means honor.
We talk about the geography of where Phylotimo was born in history and how that very same spot is paying it forward in modern times.
We ask individual questions from our expert friends at the table, like:
Of Matt we ask what tech or programs help us to be of service to our fellow human beings? We ask Paul to give us some meditation tools to provide us all with philotimo. We ask Katy how food can help us with phylotimo. Of Beth we ask for visualization tools to bring about this way of honor. I (Fawn) talks about communication and language in relation to phylotimo.  We tie the episode with KJ’s expertise and her wisdom of observation to teach us they ways in which we can encourage phylotimo.


This is an episode dedicated to our favorite word: PHYLOTIMO. Philotimo is an all encompassing concept that gives meaning to life that stretches well beyond ourselves, as that deep seated awareness in the heart that motivates the good that a person does. Philotimo  is a sense of duty to your fellow human being. It is about love and friendship. It's about giving and it's about honor. And when you break it down in Greek, Philo means friend timo means honor.

We talk about the geography of where Phylotimo was born in history and how that very same spot is paying it forward in modern times.

We ask individual questions from our expert friends at the table, like:

Of Matt we ask what tech or programs help us to be of service to our fellow human beings? We ask Paul to give us some meditation tools to provide us all with philotimo. We ask Katy how food can help us with phylotimo. Of Beth we ask for visualization tools to bring about this way of honor. I (Fawn) talks about communication and language in relation to phylotimo.  We tie the episode with KJ’s expertise and her wisdom of observation to teach us they ways in which we can encourage phylotimo.

 

 

Transcript

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Here we go. Hello? Hello. Hello. I always forget to say you're here because obviously you're here with me. Hi Matt. Okay. So we are here with Matt cohart. We have Katy, Katy LoSasso. Hi Katy!. We have KJ KJ. Nasrul is here, everyone. And we have our beautiful Paul Martin Lotus. Hello everybody. So my favorite thing is filo dough.

Oh dear. I love it. It's it's probably one of the only things that I'll actually get, because I like to make everything from scratch and having dissected this word dissect. Having broken this word down that I'm about to say, I [00:01:00] was like, wow. It's I feel like Homer Simpson filo dough, because, okay. Okay. So the word today's subject is Philotimo and my beautiful Greek friends,

please, can you call me, I'm sure I'm mispronouncing it. philotimo philotimo Philo Timo phyllo, Timo. There is an island  it's the third largest island in Greece. It's called Lesvos.  I think it was around 1922 with all the strife that was happening; the Ottoman empire, everything was breaking down in that area.

You know, world war one was just, there was such devastation. So,  this group of people from they call it Asia minor,  went to this island Lesbos. And it's actually where Aristotle had been many, many, many, many, many years before. And the greatest inspiration  throughout history of all the [00:02:00] scholars and everything came from Aristotle.

And Aristotle's, apifany of this beautiful land, this beautiful island of Lesvos, everything originates from this place. So going back to the word, Philotimo  I'm telling you about this because these people sought refuge to this island and the island embraced them. And so the entire population pretty much that lives, there are direct descendants of the people that had to flee

asia minor. Yeah.  And they started their own culture, their own  beautiful life. And it's really interesting, pretty much, a hundred years later, they now are paying it forward because the people that live here and I think it's illegal, but they have been embracing the people that are fleeing Turkey that are running for their lives and their arms are open [00:03:00] much like the Island's arms were open to them a hundred years before. And they'll talk about this and they'll, they'll talk about filo Timo and what, what it is. Philotimo. Philotimo is an all encompassing concept that gives meaning to life that stretches well beyond ourselves, as that deep seated awareness in the heart that motivates the good that a person does.

A philotimos person is one who conceives and enacts eagerly those things good. That's the definition. Was that your own definition or did you find

Matt: [00:03:41] that definitely on that definition? And of course, philotimo is to two words, kind of jammed

Fawn: [00:03:47] together. W I'm going to get there. So basically this is what it means.

Generosity of spirits, a sense of honor, sense of duty to your fellow [00:04:00] human being. I'm going to repeat that. Philotimo  is a sense of duty to your fellow human being. It is about love friendship. It's about giving and it's about honor. And when you break it down, Philo means friend timo means honor. Which brings me back to filo dough.

And I feel like Homer Simpson, friend, DOH friend. Me. Good.

Matt: [00:04:29] Yes. Yes. He did say that. And actually, no, it was cake friend. Me good. Okay.

Fawn: [00:04:34] Donut. I don't know. I think it was whatever it is. Dough is a friend of mine. Filo dough is, do you think, is that why? I don't know. Anyway, the meanderings in my head as I'm shopping for food, this is where I go.

So this is today's show you guys and I have some questions for everyone, and I think that Beth hopefully will be joining us [00:05:00] later, if not, um, if not, we'll get by, but we miss her because we definitely want her input on this with her amazing, beautiful insights.

So I'm going to talk about how we can be of service and how we can have the sense of duty to each other around the world, regardless of what language we speak, regardless of what politics we may believe in, regardless of how much money we may have, or may not have, regardless of what neighborhood we live in, you get the picture, right?

You get the gist of it. And so I'm going to go around and ask   your take on it. Let's see, what else were we talking about Matt? Before when I said, I want to do a show on philotimo, which by the way, I've been wanting to do for months. And we started with blockchain. We were, we brought in Philo Timo with talking about technology [00:06:00] and blockchain and everything.

I think I'm going to do a few shows on it because there's much to discuss, right, babe. So you were saying in this world of gross consumerism, where enough is never enough, and from that sense of, "I need to get ahead." It seems like the best way to feel this way is to have a large group of very supportive people around you.

But how do you build our group from nothing, right?

Matt: [00:06:29] Yes.

Fawn: [00:06:29] How do we, and that's been our greatest mission and that's why we started our friendly world. We had a, a dating site. This is long before Bumble. Thank you very much. It was long before all these billionaires now that pretty much did that. Um, so we started a matchmaking service where we matched you up with your future best friend within your own neighborhood, because our concept is [00:07:00] that when we're together, we're stronger, we're better. ,where you can get rid of the social economic and racial injustice, having a friend lock arms with you. I've definitely experienced that myself and I feel like our society has been crumbling , because we have lost that art of friendship, that sense of interconnectedness. And that's another reason we're doing this round table because we have friends from around the world and we all have different perspectives, but we're all interconnected.

And that's the main theme. And that's what I want to keep showing until it actually manifests, not just at our little table right here, but everywhere around the world and especially so in the United States. Um, so where should we start hunting? Where should I, should I, you want, do you want to go first?

Should I ask you the question?

Matt: [00:07:53] Ask me the question. I'm feeling plucky. All

Fawn: [00:07:55] right. So Matt, here is your question. [00:08:00] Technological Bebe technology-wise technology. I can't say the word technological and societal experiments to help us as human beings.

Matt: [00:08:12] I honestly, I think that, uh, I want to focus on the sense of duty to one another, honestly,  and I think that that's one of those pieces that is fragmented and broken.  I think most people believe that the easiest, best way to get ahead is to hold everyone else back while I surge ahead.

And it's that losing that sense of a rising tide lifts, all ships. And there's lots of pithy sayings on both sides of these things, but really I find the best way, the easiest way to get ahead in the short term is to, is to gut your neighbor. The best way to get ahead in the longterm is to support and love each other.

And what we're seeing in America are things like experiments with giving people money. And seeing what [00:09:00] happens, give them stable, not income, isn't quite the right word, but give it as a monthly stipend.  Because of course we're the land of plenty and we have so much extra theoretically, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

So what happens  when we do that? The thing that they're discovering is not that people are sitting on their sofas and drinking more beer. They're discovering that people are, have taken the opportunity to go to community colleges and study and learn. And people are discovering that with a quote unquote extra income, they're able to relax.

Some people do keep their jobs, but they have an extra cushion. They have more than they had before. And this is a good thing. This is relaxing people and helping a community build.  They're discovering if they deliver these stipends sometimes to homeless people gets them off the street.

And then they turn that into a job and they turn that into, it's just a, it's a question of how do I start moving?

Fawn: [00:09:58] The key word for me that pops out [00:10:00] is relax because once you're out of that flight and fight mode,  you're able to relax. So therefore you're able to actually have a decent conversation or look at someone else, therefore friendships blossom in that state.

But it's not going to, if you're constantly in survival mode, if you're constantly in fear of, where am I going to get food from, how am I going to pay the rent? How am I, how am I, how am I? And I'm all in it by myself. But when you realize you have enough, you realize, oh, there are other people here, you know, oh, look, there is a tree outside.

Matt: [00:10:34] And you said it I'm in it by myself,

Fawn: [00:10:37] which brings us to the loneliness epidemic. And the whole reason why we started this whole thing is it came from that. So do you find that. I mean, we were going back to technology. That's why we're doing a whole show on blockchain is because was a Satoshi. How do you say it again?

Matt: [00:10:57] Got to help me. I have to learn his last name.

Fawn: [00:10:59] So [00:11:00] there's this do y'all know about Satoshi. So can you explain to them, she just basically he or she, we don't know who this person. Yeah. We

Matt: [00:11:10] don't know, uh, delivered as, as their gift to the world. Bitcoin,

Fawn: [00:11:14] basically, this is what they did. You guys, they sent an email to the world.

One sentence. I saw it last week. It was phenomenal. One sentence with a code, right? Like you can live

Matt: [00:11:25] there. There's actually an initial paper and it's like three or four of them. There was

Fawn: [00:11:28] a link were like, here's a link have at people have that humanity. You're welcome.

Matt: [00:11:34] Right. And this is a way of, this is the beginnings of the democratization of money basically.

So make it easy for me to send money to Paul in England,  without having  a bank as the go-between.

Fawn: [00:11:49] So basically getting rid of the middleman, getting rid of all that stuff and giving power to the people so that you can become financially free. You can make [00:12:00] money. They it's basically like the ultimate Robinhood.

Matt: [00:12:04] And ultimately, uh, I remember when they were discussing, should we, should we not, uh, go forward with the Euro in Europe? What did that help provide? Will that broke down trade barriers  and allowed economies to flourish.

And there's of course always weird sides to everything, but that was the initial gift. And so we're looking at that also in the technological sphere.

Fawn: [00:12:23] So, if you think about it, that's like right now, that's exactly what we needed was that gift, right. That's major philotimo right there.

Matt: [00:12:33] Right.

And, and honestly, to go even even a little bit further back, as far as technology goes, we have things like Khan academy. Uh, we have things like Duolingo. We have, you know, um, I have the ability through public libraries to get access to technical resources, to training materials, to mango languages, to Linda, and to Lynn, exactly.

To Linda technical training, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. We're seeing much more of a [00:13:00] democratization if we know where, how to look and where to look, technology is trying  to remove those types of barriers and expose us to more.

Fawn: [00:13:07] Basically free university level training.

Matt: [00:13:11] Of course, with that comes G.

But if you can't afford a computer, if you can't afford decent internet access, and there are plans in place to, to lower barriers for these as well. But you know, it's, it's the, the future is not entirely rosy, but it certainly looks better I think, than it's looked in quite some time.

Fawn: [00:13:31] Okay. So, so are you done with your, you are going to drop

Matt: [00:13:37] the mic.

Does anybody else want to

Fawn: [00:13:39] comment? I want KJ. I want KJ to go last. Was that mine? Oh, okay. Beth is here. Yay.

Matt: [00:13:49] Well, I'm wondering if anybody has, you know, anybody wants to contradict or emphasize

Fawn: [00:13:53] the points. Wait, wait, I want, yeah, but um, I want KJ to be the very last one to [00:14:00] drop the mic. You can comment KJ, but I want you to bring your profoundness,

 

Matt: [00:14:06] Ending with KJ because it there's a one-on-one and also the whole, he, you know how to deal with traumatic, you know, sorts. And we are, we are dancing around that subject.

Yeah. Goodness.

KJ: [00:14:18] Okay.

Fawn: [00:14:19] So does anyone, does anybody want to comment on what Matt said with technology? You know, the answer to the question I had for that,

Paul: [00:14:29] I think it's lovely that , you ended it on: we're moving in the right direction", which  compared to how far back we've gone from the say, like the dark ages, how naughty we were as a human race back then compared to how beautiful it becoming now. It's obvious that it's going forward.

People forget that. So that's uh, that's nice. Hi, Beth.

Fawn: [00:14:52] Beth is here. Beth Hewitt is here, everybody. So I gave, I gave Beth the lowdown. [00:15:00] So, uh, Beth, we're talking about philotimo um, that whole schpiel, so you're pretty much caught up on what we're, what we were saying. Right.

Beth: [00:15:09] I'll just

Fawn: [00:15:12] So philotimo is  generosity of spirit sense of honor. Sense of duty to your fellow human being is , what we're talking about. And so I'm going around, we're asking questions. I just asked the first question, which went to Matt, talking about technology and how philotimo can come into play within technology.

 Paul, do you think you could give us like, are there a techniques and meditations to open ourselves up to possibilities and free us from our desire for more and more as well as to recenter us?

Like, I don't know. I know, I think one

of

Fawn: [00:15:51] your eyebrows,

Matt: [00:15:52] I think when people get caught in survival mode, it's really hard for them to get out of it.

You know, get out of that [00:16:00] whole way of thinking like, oh my God, I don't have enough. Oh my God, I need more. Oh my God. Oh my God. You know, that whole tense up that whole anxiousness,

Fawn: [00:16:09] you know, which brings us back to this book  that KJ recommended that I'm reading called "Burnout". And it talks about, we don't complete the circle of the stress response.

 How do you stop the stress? Because the stress is ongoing, right? So the lion may come and you can kill the lion, the lion's dead, and you still feel the stress, and then eventually it stops.

 If you're going to the office and every day, you're accosted by the lion every day. That stress doesn't go away. And it affects every part of every system that your body has. And that's when people end up being in trouble, you know, all the heart attacks and strokes and cancer, all that stuff, right.

It's from the never ending stress cycle. [00:17:00] And

Paul: [00:17:01] then it just

Fawn: [00:17:02] roaring at you or something. Ryan lion is chasing you about to kill you and about to eat  you.

Paul: [00:17:07] Okay. Yeah, I'd be stressed. Yeah.

Fawn: [00:17:11] But the lion is now other things it's it's, it's your crazy mother-in-law or  it's your boss. It's um, you know, it's like reliving, it's like, what's that term?

You guys, uh, the wound of a thousand cuts, like something happens to you and it's over, but you keep replaying it in your mind and you relive it over and over again. Like I remember when nine 11 happened, they kept showing it on TV and then they realized the kids are watching this and the kids don't realize that it's a replay.

They think, oh my God, it's another one and another one and another one. And so I feel like our, um, our minds relive that and our body doesn't know that it's a memory. Your body's thinking, here we go again. And you never get out of it. [00:18:00] Yeah. So I guess Paul and KJ, can you both answer this, like Paul, maybe you can lead us through a tiny little meditation or KJ.

You can. I mean, how, how do we get ourselves to a point where we can stop the stress cycle? Like what, what is it that we need to do?

KJ: [00:18:22] I can just say real quickly, but I would love, of course I don't want to, I don't want to interrupt Paul. Um, but, uh, Matt and Fawn, you actually had already touched on one of the most key things, which is,  movement.

 A lot of times things are internal and they're cerebral, but what happens when the body is trying to find a place to channel and move the stress that it's, uh, absorbed in memory in witnessing.  You had already mentioned movement. And so I can go into it a little bit later about what sort of movement that could be.

[00:19:00] And it's surprisingly not, it doesn't have to be this big gesture. It can be something quite small to make a profound impact. Um, but the key is to remember that we are wholly connected. And so, as you were just saying Fawn, if we're going to be internalizing and keeping  memories and observations cerebral,  we need to reconnect and embody what's happening as well.

And so movement is, uh, a wonderful key to brake the stress cycle, and remind that all systems work together and it doesn't have to keep repeating it. Doesn't have to keep repeating. And so you guys already are.

Fawn: [00:19:42] But by movement, do you mean like going to the gym, going to like a Jazzercise class or something?

Or in my case, I used to cross train martial arts and beat things up, destroy things.

KJ: [00:19:56] Yeah. I mean, movement can be anything from an actual, [00:20:00] an action that could be a Jazzercise classes in the class martial arts, or it can literally be the difference between turning your, your fists inward. What?

Fawn: [00:20:13] Yeah, really? Yeah. I love that.

KJ: [00:20:17] We use the start of it, so you don't have to get on the treadmill right now, guys. They might just, I

Fawn: [00:20:21] don't wanna, I don't want to, I don't want to go to the gym. See

Matt: [00:20:24] for me though, ultimately speaking, when I feel like I'm too much in my head is how I describe it. I'll go for a ride and going for a ride to me means I need to feel physical pain and I need to look back over whatever it is.

Usually it's a climb. I like to look back at my climb and say, I did that. I have to do. You

Fawn: [00:20:49] just said, I need to feel physical pain,

Matt: [00:20:52] physical discomfort, harsh comfort. I do. And that's just what it is, because that way I done something. I [00:21:00] feel like I've done something it's not, I'm not cutting myself. It's I need to feel like I've, I've, I've taken this wonderful machine that I've been given.

You know, that I've been blessed and given, which is my body and I have worked it and I have to feel that way.

Fawn: [00:21:19] Interesting. Do you think that's where. Cause I kind of have the opposite. Like I would like to inflict pain, but don't get me wrong. It's not like I want to hurt somebody aside unless it's a martial arts experience, but I like to scream and yell and maybe get a bat and, and like hit something.

You know what I mean? Or someone, no, I don't want to hurt anybody, but I kind of do know. Do you know what I mean? I don't want to feel the pain myself cause I feel like I feel it so much that I feel it physically, my Mo my emotions are so big that it translates immediately as physical for me. [00:22:00] So I want to, um, get it out instead of going for a ride and feeling my muscles and pain.

Do you know what I mean already?

Matt: [00:22:10] See for me though, like once like that physical pain that you feel that, oh, I really, I really messed up my leg or whatever you stretch it. He feel it for the next hour or two, and then it goes away and it's the going away, I think is the other important component of it for

Fawn: [00:22:26] me.

Can I tell you guys what I do and I'm afraid to do it because I'm afraid someone's going to call the police on me. And I was able to do it during the pandemic at a certain period when everybody would go out at 7:00 PM and just scream, you know, or like meet the pots and pans for the, uh, frontline workers.

It's the only time I've been able to do it was at that moment because I knew everyone else was making noise and no one would call the police on me. But in Santa Monica, I would open up my windows and I lived high up. [00:23:00] So like the whole neighborhood could hear me and I would lean out the window and I have this monkey call that I do.

And I think I've told you guys before, like it is so for real this thing, and it's so loud. And when I was in India, I was in the forest and I thought I was alone. You know, I was, I stepped away from the people I was with and I was out in the forest and I just belted out my monkey call. And then I heard rustling in the trees and I opened my eyes and I swear to you, hundreds of monkeys were running towards me and I started running for the car and it's not just monkeys.

Like I worked for Aveda for the Aveda corporation and I lived on the border of Wisconsin and Minnesota. And I swear to you the same monkey call brought about all the dairy cows  they. Started running towards. And once again, I ran for my car, [00:24:00] not because I was afraid of the cows, but I was afraid that they would jump over that tiny, skinny little fence and onto the highway. And I didn't want to be responsible. I had just moved to town, like the only, like non-white person moving into town, like, look at what she did. She like killed all the cows, you know, ran away. Oh my God. But like doing that monkey call is kind of like screaming and that like releases all the stress for me.

You know what I mean? It's like the opposite of you, Matt . Like you're more internal. I just need to belt it out. And you know, living where we live here in Colorado, I'm just afraid someone's going to call the police.

Beth: [00:24:42] Yeah. It feels so natural. I feel like that. I literally wrote the word scream down before you started talking to him where he said a

Fawn: [00:24:49] date.

That's what we're trying to show you. That's why you're my sister. It

Beth: [00:24:52] feels like really natural. It feels like a natural thing to do, to want to scream and let things out. And yet we can't do that [00:25:00] unless we're on a remote island or behind a

waterfall

Fawn: [00:25:04] or like our face in a pillow. Yeah. Yeah.

Beth: [00:25:08] But I often feel like I just like to scream, just like to just let whatever out, whatever is inside

Fawn: [00:25:13] out here.

I mean, yeah.

Paul: [00:25:19] I remember when I was, I was in rehab. Yeah. And I had to swap counselor for like a week and this amazing counselor. She's amazing. She's like, she's a bit different to my other counselor. She's like, right. Oh, I want you to scream and swear into the woods about this person that I was angry at.

And at first I was just, I can't do this. She's like, come on, just do it. And I won't swear on, on, on the old podcast, but I was like I said, the F word and then the C word, and I was like, FC. (Someone suggests "Fish'n Chip"). You you, you [00:26:00] see that's it. Yeah, exactly. Fish you. You chip.

At first, I was like, she was like that wasn't proper enough. I know it wasn't was it. I tried it again. It wasn't real, you know, and eventually I did it a proper light. It just came out. It was really real. And I turned to look to her and I was. I was shocked since she was like, oh, that was proper. When it, I was like, scared

Matt: [00:26:25] me that that was proper.

I,

Paul: [00:26:29] and then I can just imagine, I can imagine someone on the other side of the forest, just hearing somebody swearing, what you fish and chips,

Matt: [00:26:40] I'm envisioning this, this inmate I'm envisioning this innocent, Bambi and Thumper hanging up frolicking in the forest, and then they hear your potty mouth.

Fawn: [00:26:51] Well, you guys, I always wonder, like we hear the birds tweeting and I'm like, oh, look at that.

It's so beautiful. And then sometimes I think, I wonder if they're saying [00:27:00] you fish and chip you're fricking Liberty blip, you know, I'm like they could be cussing each other out for all I know, but it sounds so beautiful.

Beth: [00:27:12] Agree. Yeah.

Katy: [00:27:16] Oh,

Fawn: [00:27:16] they're all

Beth: [00:27:16] going for. Some baby beds, a mother bird was not having it. She was squawking. She was swearing. She was  Fish'n Chip'n, chipping fish,

Fawn: [00:27:26] son of a biscuit. You guys, I, because of the evil, um, yoga community around us, I instituted this thing in our home and it's called the, let it out club because my girls, I mean, all of our feelings were really, really hurt.

And you know, my girls are so sweet. They never cuss. They, you know, I have a truck driver's mouth.

Matt: [00:27:49] Yes, she does.

Fawn: [00:27:49] You know, KJ was saying, it's remarkable. You never say those words on the air. I'm like, it is a miracle.

KJ: [00:27:57] I'm impressed

with your

restraint.

[00:28:00] Fawn: [00:27:59] Seriously, I have the foulest mouth out there. Like, it is unbelievable what comes out of my mouth.

And so, but the girls have heard it since they were babies, but they never use those words. Never, you know? Cause I, I. Somehow I explained to them, please don't talk like

what happened was after the whole yoga fiasco, because they were so hurt and I could see that they were really internalizing it and I, and I needed it for them to get it out and they wouldn't, you know, they would cry, but I felt like it wasn't all out. So I said, okay guys, and this was when this was when you were at the office, so you weren't home.

And so, so I'm like, all right, family meeting. So whenever I say family meeting, there's no questions. There's no, like everybody just comes to where I am. They're like, okay, what is it? What happened? Are we in trouble? And so my family meeting, I'm instituting this,  Let It [00:29:00] Out Club. And I want you to say anything about anyone without thinking of consequences, because there will be none as long as we declare, let it out club.

And when we're done, we declare we're closing it now. And so there will be no repercussion. What's the word repercussions. And you're not going to get in trouble. And the universe is not going to be mad at you either. Um, it's it's okay. We've made a contract with the universe with everything that we still love, but we need to get this out.

We need to get this venom out and they still didn't know what to do. I said, okay, well, let me be your example. And so I started to call off all the names of these son of biscuits from these fish and chips. From the yoga community. And one by one, I would say their names and then just go for it. And it was so vile and [00:30:00] so horrible.

And like, it wasn't just fish and chip words. It was like, totally. Um, taking their... I would, I would go for their... I would destroy them. You know what I mean? Like, and it was so bad that we started laughing like crazy. Like we could not stop laughing.

And then when it comes down to their turn, the girls turned to do to do it. They still wouldn't use any bad words, but they would in the sweetest way still say what they feel is, um, Bad about these people's personalities. And it was the sweetest thing to see  and hear because they were still so kind, but they let the universe know that this personality trait of this particular person is vile.

And just actually a few weeks ago, Alegra finally started to use some bad words and  boy.... [00:31:00] I started shaking. I'm like, damn girl, excuse me. But I was like, wow, okay, let it out, baby. Let it out. And she started crying and just let it all out. And then we closed up the club and we had, uh, then we watched The Golden Girls after that.

Totally happy. Well,

yeah. And I recently told some people on Instagram that I do this, and I was afraid of haters coming at me like, how dare you do this with your children? You're such a bad mom, but all these moms came right. Writing back to me saying, thank you for that. We're going to do that too. That's so great. So it's a trend.

Let's, let's start a new thing. Let it out club, let it out better, better out than in.

KJ: [00:31:51] It's an acknowledgement that it's okay. Like Beth was saying, we know how we instinctually want to respond to something, but immediately [00:32:00] we're like, I can't, I can't do that. Or Paul's therapist No,that's not proper. Let's let's let's properly do this. So it's already intrinsically built in that. Wait, it's not safe for us to be, um, true in our expression.

Right. And so. To, to actually say, not only am I going to acknowledge it, but I'm going to set aside time for us to do it together. That's creating a safe place and creating a new culture or creating a new norm for how you can healthily express yourself. So I'm all for it. Good for you. I'm glad you mentioned it out loud to hear other people say yes,

I like that.

Fawn: [00:32:34] Yeah. Yeah. It made me more brave. And, and I think, especially for women, it's really, really crucial that we,  say, yes, sister, go for it. Do you know what I mean? Encourage each other to let out those feelings because we're taught to be so good, you know, to keep it down. Don't don't make any waves.

And, you know, I'm sorry, I've done it to [00:33:00] Matt too. I'm like, Matt, please don't yell back at the crazy lunatic out in traffic, please just don't say anything. And you're like, I can't, I have to, they have to learn. I'm like, please don't cause any trouble, you know, I get so scared, but yeah. Right, Matt, I mean, I don't know.

There's a, there's a fine line and I don't know society is, is weird, but it's so weird that we're talking about this. Cause we're talking about generosity of spirit, a sense of honor, a sense of duty to your fellow human being. But I feel like we need to get this stuff out of us to be a generous kind, compassionate human being to help each other out.

Like all this stuff needs to come out. Like last week, how Paul was telling us about the loving kindness meditation. I'm like Paul, that's so powerful, but w w you know, let's make sure that we release the, the rage and the anger and the hurt first before we get into that place of [00:34:00] compassion and love. So can

Paul: [00:34:03] we congesting like, uh, feeling it, but not acting on it?

You know? Yeah. Feeling it is really important

feeling what

Fawn: [00:34:13] you mean, the rage, the rage

Paul: [00:34:15] on emotions, you know, people don't necessarily feel them. They push them  under and the feeling part is the important part. If we like, you know, say like with anger, you know, feeling anger is very important because we need to go through it.

Otherwise it goes inside and then it boils up and then we blow up and something crazy happens. It's important also to not react on it. Um, so feel it, and then just like hit someone that ain't the way to go about it, The way to go about it, is to  walk away and then do whatever you do to let it out sort of thing.

So, yeah, it's very important what you're saying.

Fawn: [00:34:50] So can

 I turn the wheel back to friends to the sense of duty to your fellow human being? Paul, [00:35:00] can you give us a little nugget on how to go about that? Like through meditation you're scratching your

Matt: [00:35:07] eyebrows. It almost sounds like Paul wants to go the complete other way and say fish and chips in the woods, as opposed to a nice peaceful meditation.

He wants let it out. Let it, I don't know.

Paul: [00:35:19] I mean, like I say so, so let's answer the question, but, also, like you were saying, it's important to heal before we can, before we can heal others. You know? So like feeding that like out is, is a way of healing. Isn't it? Um, have you already asked me the question?

Have you not asked it to me yet, but,

Fawn: [00:35:37] well, the question was this, are there techniques in meditation to open ourselves to possibilities and free us from our desire for more and more as well as to recenter us? I guess the way we started this was Matt. You helped me structure. This was because in society, um, in this world of gross [00:36:00] consumerism.

Matt: [00:36:01] Yeah. It's kind of the opposite of duty to each other. It's basically I have a duty to myself to, uh, acquire as much as humanly possible.

Fawn: [00:36:09] Yeah. So how can we go from that to giving, to feeling the sense that we're not in competition, that there's plenty to go around. There's plenty for everyone, right?

Paul: [00:36:22] There's a lot of different meditations you can do.

I mean, every pretty much every kind of meditation in a way helps that because it's connection. Okay. It's connection with your higher power, whatever you want to call it. God, Godess, the universe blahdeblah um, and in a way as well, God is, are other beings is our fellow man woman. Just spending a bit of time out of your day, meditate in 20 minutes a day, gets you more connection with people and with God, when you don't even think about it. It just happens.

 But you can do [00:37:00] certain practices which concentrate more so on connection.  Like the meta practice we did, we talked about last week, , which is a love and kindness practice. You can do different chakra meditation practices. Now there's, it's, it's interesting. Cause most chakra meditation practices just concentrate on the energy and making it all clear and lovely.

 The ones I do you talk about what character defects block, certain chakras and what spiritual principles help clear them, you know? And it brings up those kinds of chakra meditations. Bring up certain challenges to face, to, resolve with, , word spritz principles.  So like Being impatient, you know, you go for patients being unloving and you go for love and you skip over and yeah.

Right. So that's one, um, there's a few you can do with like you do normally with them mala beads. So you get the 81 little [00:38:00] beads of Buddhist half or 108 beads and you go for each one and you do like a love practice. So for 10 minutes you would just go for each bead and each bead will be one different person.

You give them love, but you don't spend too long on each person. You spend about three to four seconds and that's it. And just move on, you do that for 10 minutes. And then the beads for me, for example, will , feel heavier after I've done the practice because they've got more meaning to them. You know, they're more, they're more, they're more, um, and then there's forgiveness practices.

So you can do 10 minutes again, but you do three minutes of first forgiving yourself of how you've hurt yourself. And you only spend five seconds in each bond going through those beads. And then you do forgiving yourself for how you've heard others five seconds. And then you do forgiving others for how they've hurt you and different stuff like that.

But I mean, for me personally, the best way to be of [00:39:00] service is through practice throughout your day, which is getting out there and doing it.  When I wake up every day, I give myself to be a service, all,  for my God. I just say, God, thank you for giving me life this morning. I give myself to be of service of the love and light. That starts off my day with the intention of being less selfless going into the day with being, more, um, we're thinking about others .

And there's a little practice light, so. If you drive a new car every past new drive, pass you go. I love you, brother. I love you, sister. I love you brother. And stuff like that.

Um, obviously there's charitable stuff. So in my days, I normally go out  my way to really help others through free meditation sessions, through like helping children to swim,  helping dogs and stuff like this.  It's really [00:40:00] more so an action thing I would say for me personally, and that just, you know, makes you feel it then.

 

Fawn: [00:40:09] Thank you, Paul. Thank you so much. Should we go to Katie? Katie? Are you ready? Okay, so here's your question. Are you ready? So this is the question. Are there nutrition deficits that when addressed can help to free us from thinking in survival mode? Because we always talk about survival mode.  The reason why we are not able to be there for someone that we're not able to help someone, think about somebody else or  to give any energy towards anything else is because we're in survival mode. We're in such a mode of fighting for our lives. It may not be a lion chasing you. It may be you're having a tough time paying your bills. Maybe you're you have insomnia. Maybe you [00:41:00] have so many worries in your life that you're not able to manage, which is almost everybody I can think of in the world right now. There are so many stresses. Joe Dispenza  said, you know, if, if your house is on fire, there's no way you're going to be thinking about decorating. You need to get out. The house is on fire. It's not a time to say, I wonder what. I should paint the walls today.

Do you know what I mean? That's survival mode, you cannot be in a creative mode. So that's what, um, that's what I mean by that. I think that's what Matt, you meant by that. Right? And that question, so I'll rephrase it. Can you read it?

Matt: [00:41:44] Well, no, no, no. Basically. Um, I think in inside of our society, we look at. Everybody wants a quick fix and I get it. And so do I, everybody wants that silver, we call it a silver bullet in software development, you know, fill in the blank. We just want that magic [00:42:00] solution.

And so I'm wondering,  so when you're caught in like survival mode, all of a sudden, like your focus narrows and you're agitated, your muscles are always tensed up and at least that's, that's the way it goes for me.  Are there  nutritional things, I mean,  does this point to, if you do this, it's going to get worse and if you do this, it might get better.

Or are there any universals that are strictly speaking legal? Because I know people are experimenting with and, uh, MDMA to, uh, uh, for post-traumatic stress. And they're saying, uh, psilocybin  and THC can be good for this kind of stuff, but strictly legals, universally legal around them, world, something easily accessible things that we can do nutritionally that are either going to amp it up so we want to avoid it or can ratchet it down, which are things we would want to do.

Fawn: [00:42:49] Right? Like when, um, like the day that Katie told us about vitamin D and COVID, I swear to you every day I have vitamin D now. And I'm like, [00:43:00] thank you, Katie. Thank you. Cause I, you know, you start to feel like, oh, I'm good.

I don't need to do anything. Do you know what I mean? But everyday I'm like vitamin D and I remember the very first time we met, you told us we were new to Colorado and you were like, it was around winter time and you described the planet to me and the girls. And you're like, yo, you guys, the way the sun is and stuff, you know, you described the planet and our position in the mountains and everything.

And you're like, you need D3 because you're not reaching it through the sun's rays right now. And we're like, oh my God. Okay. So anyway, Katie is our guru for all things, nutrition and actually everything. Everybody here. I'm so impressed by everyone here. So anyway, take it, take it away, Katie.  DISCLAIMER: ALWAYS CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE TAKING ANY SUPPLEMENTS. WE ARE NOT DOCTORS!

Katy: [00:43:50] Okay. So for survival mode,  what we really need, what I thought the word , is motivation.

You need to be motivated to survive [00:44:00] and so motivation in order to have motivation in the body, you need something that our body naturally produces, which is dopamine. And I'm sure everybody's heard about dopamine and dopamine is actually a neuro-transmitter, which is a messenger to bring actual messages to the brain, to tell the brain that if you have enough dopamine, I feel good. I'm satisfied. I want to go out and do a good job. I want to  like what philotimo says I want to do more than is expected of me without having  anything given back to me? So,  a lot of us right now are depleted in dopamine because of COVID.

Cause we're just sitting around and we're not doing anything and we're not exercising. Just like when KJ said about movement is so very important. We're not eating well. We are taking drugs, we're taking too much [00:45:00] alcohol, we're eating fast food. So all those things, deplete dopamine, and dopamine  is something that our body naturally produces and we can get back again.

So it's not like, oh, we're going to have a problem with it. So one things, the things that we can, actually help to restore our body is what I said before is just, you know, like exercise, good food, , sunlight, sleep is very, very, very important.  Stop the blue lights at night cause that wrecks your sleep.

 Then there's also something that naturally like caffeine naturally stimulates dopamine in the body.  There's also a lot of food that we eat. There's chicken meats. There's bananas.  So there's a lot of good food that we can eat that. Actually restores are dopamine in the body.  A lot of people can actually take supplements that  increase dopamine.  The main supplement is L tyrasine and L-Phenylalanine

and those are [00:46:00] actually neuro-transmitters that are made in the brain. And there are actual supplements out there that have those two in there. And there are now companies out and people are doing this there it's called Nootropics, which are supplements like these amino acids and B vitamins that help produce more dopamine in the body.

All these young kids now that are working in computers and stuff are taking these nootropics to help their brain work better.

Fawn: [00:46:30] Yes. I'm sorry, can you repeat that slowly? What's it called again? What a tropics,

Katy: [00:46:35] um, nootropicsor some people pronounce it? No trope X where it's spelled N O O T R O P I C S.

 And they are things like, um, I actually hold on, I have one here. I don't know if you can see it. Um,

Fawn: [00:46:55] it's it says dopamine brain

Katy: [00:46:57] food. Yeah. It's made by the company [00:47:00] called natural stacks and it's actually a dopamine supplement and it is fennel alanine, and L L-tyrosine and also B vitamins. B vitamins are very important for our body, for our brain health.

And there are also catalysts  in our food that helps actually our brain work better to perform functions, everyday functions, and also for detoxification of the body.  So the things that really deplete dopamine, as I said again, are stress, lack of sleep, lack, sunshine, and all that.

And we could re replace that with food, and exercise  and supplements. So that's going to help us on a daily basis to actually be happier and to feel motivated, to go out and help our fellow neighbor and do better in our job and to be more creative,  to be more attentive to others,  to have just a feeling of, pleasure for [00:48:00] ourselves, so we can have a happier day.

It's mainly, you know, nutrition comes down to so much, as we all know.  Food is information and you put in junk, you're going to get out junk. You're going to feel terrible. And as everybody says, if you have a Maserati, you're not going to put in the low grade gasoline and our bodies are better than Maseratis or Porsches or whatever we got to put in good food. And when we put in good food, then we'll feel good, then we'll have enough dopamine to be happy. That's one of the nutritional things that I was thinking of is  dopamine, actually promotes more motivations and that motivation is something that we need for our survival.

Fawn: [00:48:43] That makes sense. And you know what?

This makes sense because when you have food, when you have friends around, chances are you're sitting at a table and you're making a dinner together, the best gatherings are with food, right? The food helps us with, [00:49:00] it brings us even more dopamine, more dopamine than we would get, even just hanging out with one another.

It's the, yeah. And, and,

Katy: [00:49:09] you know, like when you bring something to somebody's house, you're excited to share because you think, oh, what can I make for that dinner? So that makes you feel good that you're sharing with people, or like when you go over to somebody's house and you help them cook,  and you're making this wonderful meal together, everybody's contributed to that wonderful meal and it makes you feel good.

And that's your dopamine.

Fawn: [00:49:33] You know what I just realized. When I do take food to someone else, like back in the day, when we used to go out a lot and like go to parties, I would show up with a filo dish with filo dough, my friendly dough. I'm serious. Cause I can make like all kinds of savory as well as baklava dishes with  filo dough, that's what I show up with that. And don't be shocked when you know how people show up with flowers. I [00:50:00] show up with a biggest pineapple I can find like, here you go. Instead of flowers, I show up with a big pineapple. I don't know. It always makes me laugh, but something filo dough and a

Matt: [00:50:10] pineapple, you might be channeling a past life.

Pineapples were very big in England because there were so exotic way back in the day. Right. So actually giving someone a pineapple was like a huge deal because it's not like they grow there.

Fawn: [00:50:24] I always loved the UK I've. Always wanted to live there. Thank you. Yeah, probably. Yeah. And I swear to you. I had so many people scold me for it.

Like, what are you doing with a pineapple? I'm like, this is a pineapple who wouldn't love it. But if honestly, if you ever want to give me a gift, when you come over and bring me a big watermelon, that sounds like a drum. I can't get enough watermelon. Yeah.

Matt: [00:50:50] You got a thumbs up. It has to have a very low sound.

Paul: [00:50:54] You like receiving watermelons, but you'd give away pineapples.

Matt: [00:50:57] Yeah, it is kind of weird. Isn't

Fawn: [00:50:59] it [00:51:00] easier to hold it? It looks like a flower.

Paul: [00:51:02] Uh, can I say laziness?

Fawn: [00:51:04] No, no. Cause I can hold it with one thing and it has a flowery thing. Comes up, you know, it's like a champagne, like going, you know, it's,

Paul: [00:51:17] it's pretty.

Fawn: [00:51:18] Yeah. Yeah, definitely. It exudes  um, the pineapple and its appearance exude celebration, you know, it looks like a champagne bottle that has just been, you know, exploding. You know what I mean? Like it's a flower. That's saying I'm here. I love it.

KJ: [00:51:37] It's like a firework without the scary sounds for me.

Fawn: [00:51:40] You know what I mean?

The fireworks. Thank you without the drama. Thank you. Without the trauma that I should say

KJ: [00:51:47] it's trauma and the startle, the startle event. It's just, it's a silent celebration, but oh, it's

Fawn: [00:51:52] good. So good. I love it. Well, I got, uh,

Paul: [00:51:58] can I, can I, can I comment [00:52:00] one thing on the out? So I love everything you said. Um, Katy and I agree with pretty much all of it.

Um, I'm not a fan of the caffeine there. I gotta admit  I'm not a fan of the caffeine. Like it gives you the dopamine quick, like the quick burst, but what it does for you, you know, it's really, it's not good for you, is it it's like a neurotoxin, so it savages your, your nerves and also it floods your adrenal glands.

So, you know, when they go, which normally it also gets flood started because of stress. They, they, um, it's really acidic your adrenaline. So that again, isn't good for your body. And then the kind of the by-product of the adrenaline then goes into your liver and that makes it sluggish. And, you know, so in the long run for the caffeine,  I wouldn't say it isn't good for me, but everything else makes complete sense.

Fawn: [00:52:57] But Paul, Paul and Katie, what about [00:53:00] maca? Because there are certain caffeine like green tea, right? There are certainly caffeine. Well,

Katy: [00:53:06] Paula  no,  I agree with you too. I think in, in excess that can, that can definitely too much caffeine for people; some people is not good, like, like Fawn. Um, her, her body probably just cannot process caffeine very well as some people can. So yes, caffeine does  damage adrenals, but there are some like green tea is very, very, um, very healthy for the body. It's really good polyphenol

Paul: [00:53:33] when, when you say like most, so like most of the people that fund the studies for how good matcha tea is, is normally the caffeine industry.

They put millions of pounds into these studies to show how amazing it is for you, rather then into studies, which are like more important. And even though, cause it's natural, it doesn't change, it's caffeine.

Katy: [00:53:57] True. I think it just all depends on the person. [00:54:00] So if you can do it fine, but do it in moderation and  and if you can't then don't do it. It just depends on you. I know, but I do think there are very beneficial properties to green tea there. It has been proven. And there are good studies that are conducted by people other than, um, you know, the people who are motivating it to work out in their favor

Fawn: [00:54:21] and also maca, maca powder, not mate, but maca, maca.

Does that have caffeine? I think it does right a little bit.

Paul: [00:54:32] No.

Katy: [00:54:34] Macho does. Yeah, that's much

MACA is actually a route from, Bolivia. And that's more, um, that promotes more endurance, athletic ability and hormonal balancing. So I don't think it does. I don't

Fawn: [00:54:52] think it has caffeine. Okay.

Cause we've been drinking a lot of maca powder. Yeah. Because [00:55:00] I want to control the hormones. The hormones are out of control while they're not out of control, but they're definitely in, in our house, three women and one man, things are, things are happening now. Things are changing. So the maca powder has been coming into our kitchen.

Look at Matt's face. Okay. So let's go to Beth and I'm just going to check in with KJ KJ. Are we still okay, so it'll be Beth and then you, and then we'll put a little, pretty little bow on it and see you all next week. So, Beth, are you ready, Beth? Alrighty. All right. Visualization. Visual is, this is another one word that I can't pronounce visualization techniques sometimes start from a place or from places of confusion and negative emotion, like there's things happening that are bad and we need to use visualization to help us get us out of it.

Would you say that once you start to use them  it [00:56:00] might free us from survival mode? Um, this is your question, Matt, why are you looking at me like that? Matt? Why are you sensitive right now, baby? Well, excuse me. I look over and you're scrunching your eyebrows, like. What is wrong with you?

Thanks babe. Here. Why don't you ask Beth? The question I love you love is winning, but you scare me with your lips. Like I'm all happy go lucky. I'm looking over here and I look over it and I'm thinking there's going to be love. And you're looking at me like with it. Yeah. Like that, like a scrunched up face what's happening.

What's absolutely nothing. All right. So can you help me with the question? What was your question? This is your question,

Matt: [00:56:42] actually. So I want to say that typically, if, if my life is happy, go lucky and I'm having a great time and my life is simple and I've never done visualization before, right? I'm not going to, I'm probably not going to start.

What's the point I've already got everything I need, I want et cetera, et cetera. So it feels like a , [00:57:00] visualization starts to come from this place of, I want to do better, you know, because something's not quite all there. So now hand me the piece of paper. Oh,

Fawn: [00:57:11] here you go. Thank you. Your question.

Matt: [00:57:15] So anyways, so that's why I say the visualization techniques start from places of confusion and or negative emotion, or just feeling a lack; I want to do better. So the question is, would you say that once you start to actually visualize things and you start to experience some success that, uh, that might help us free us from survival mode?

Or how would you, you know, thinking about survival mode, thinking about duty to our fellow man and being in a place where you can't do that, using visualization techniques to take you to a place where a, you can help you where you can actually get away from quote-unquote survival mode and to a place where you can use them to help your fellow man.

Fawn: [00:57:57] So

[00:58:00] Beth: [00:57:59] when I read the question, um, As any good student, I like to dissect the questions. So starting with  the success, it might free us from survival mode. I think we've got to be really careful about the words that we use. And so, I think saying that we're in survival mode or trying to get ourselves out of survival mode is almost like creating that experience where we stay in survival mode.

So I would maybe start to use different words to explain that the one that comes to mind would be thrive. You want, you want to thrive. I think if you start from that place of survival mode, you kind of tell you it's a kind of a self fulfilling prophecy where  you're going to

stay there.

So I think

Matt: [00:58:42] we need to. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. It's about reframing. It's about reframing in your head. And, and not, and saying, not that I want to get away from this place, but I want to move to this place, this other place.

Beth: [00:58:56] Yeah.

Yeah.

So,  going to the start of [00:59:00] the question, which was around, we sometimes start from a place of confusion and a negative emotion.

We should never start a visualization from a place of confusion and negative emotion. So the first thing we want to do before we even think about visualization is getting really crystal clear, getting real clarity on what it is that we want to visualize, and that can depend on what, whatever situation you are in and what we want to focus upon.

So if we're talking about, I don't know if we're all talking about friendship, then we might first want to explore. What does friendship mean to me? What does that look like in the world that I want to be living in and just journaling on that and just asking herself some of those searching questions.

And then once we've got a bit more clarity around what that could be, then we can start exploring the visualization aspects of it and using all the different senses to really develop that picture of that particular situation. What does it feel like to be in this [01:00:00] new environment with friends? What does that look like?

Who are my friends? Who am I with? How big is my circle? How big is my community? What are the conversations that we're having? What does it sound like? Where am I I'm at a party or am I in a community hall? All of those kinds of things. So we need to get really crystal clear. So there isn't any confusion before we even moved to the visual visualization aspect of it.

 

Would you say that once we use them with success, it might free us from survival mode.

Matt: [01:00:34] So you, you just want to smack that right out of my, my initial thoughts. Because if I'm in survival mode, I that's, that's the, that's the way beginning of the journey. And I need to on some level, lift myself out of survival mode through not direct visualization, but going through the initial processes of a visualization, really picturing [01:01:00] how things may or may not look, touch, see, smell, see, and then actually enter into a visualization step.

Beth: [01:01:09] Yeah. And, and start to build on that, you know, and each and every time  you could do that over a call. That could be a call of  visualization that you do every morning or every week or every month, however you want to do it. And the more we visualize ourselves in that and take action so we can visualize something, but then actually we need to take some actions on that as well.

Do we then want to go find some more somewhere where we can volunteer so we can build up that those community links. I don't know, but I think we can, we should visualize and then take action on that visualization at the same time. And then we stopped thinking about survival mode because this isn't about survival.

This is about whatever it is that we're trying to accomplish.

Matt: [01:01:45] This is about what we're, where we want to move to. It's so not about what we want to get away from.

Fawn: [01:01:51] Yeah. So you live your, you basically live the dream. You're living the dream. I'm living the dream. I'm going to say [01:02:00] that all the time. Thank you, Beth.

I'm living the dream.

Beth: [01:02:05] And I think that's as simple as it can be. I think we can make it as we can make it simple. It doesn't need to be hard. It doesn't need to be, I'm a victim. I'm in a terrible place all the time.

Fawn: [01:02:13] I really liked what you said, Beth. And it comes back to language like we were talking about.

I recently learned about Esperanto. Am I saying  Esperanto? Do you all know about Esperanto in the 1870s? There was this, oh, Lord, help me. How do you pronounce ophthalmologist?  1870s and then early 1880s. He developed a new language to bring about peace, world peace.  So he developed this language where it would be universal, so the whole planet would speak this one language and it was to promote humanity and peace and open communication and open communication.

And that's. That goes to what Beth said, like choosing our [01:03:00] words.  The word is so powerful.

Matt: [01:03:02] Right. And, and it's, so it's so amazing. I love Beth that you just kind of, it felt like you just in a loving way, just bumped me on my forehead and said, yo, what are you doing? That's

Fawn: [01:03:12] how she does.

That's my Beth. That's my sisters.

Matt: [01:03:16] You talk about like, God, I remember hearing as a child, words hurt. And  you have to be careful with your words and we moved past that. And we shouldn't. We should always keep that present in our minds; that,  choose your words carefully.

But again, that's again, moving, I'm moving towards something as opposed to moving away where it's hurt. Well, I want to get away from that. No, we can need to choose your words carefully. You need to choose healing words that I want to move towards. I'm not trying to escape something at that point. I'm trying to move towards something.

Fawn: [01:03:47] Yeah. Ah, we, I totally needed to hear that. Thank you, Beth. Now we go to KJ KJ, take the mic girl, wrap it up.

[01:04:00] Matt: [01:03:59] I, I noticed her hair, her head rattling there a couple of times, but, uh, yeah, she didn't say anything as far as like agreeing with the things that were said. So that was nice.

Fawn: [01:04:08] So you want to ask the question of KJ

Matt: [01:04:11] KJ?

How do you, um, how do you start? How do we, how do we start? How do you, how would you counsel someone to help them become more philotimo? How do we just, as individuals, you know, build up our  I always call it building up our vocabulary to be more that way. And I know we've heard a lot of really great stuff today, but, uh, but what is, what is the science of the mind have to tell us about this?

Fawn: [01:04:37] Oh,

KJ: [01:04:37] I don't know as much about the science of the mind as much as the The wisdom of what we see, wisdom of observation. And so my thought, everybody said something just like, I I've been scribbling like a mad person, as you had said, Matt, like my head was going left and right. And there was like all this whiplash because I was agreeing with everything that everyone was [01:05:00] saying.

And I was trying to feel it, feel it out how I could add to this. Um, but so observation, uh, And noticing and pausing with intention, I'm really loving what you were saying. All of you, just in the last moments about movement towards  what is important and what we would like, what we would desire.

And so what I especially like about that is the wording we spoke already about how important movement is. And then we said something toward movement towards what we desire or what we would like; the dream. And I would just maybe add another word from the thesaurus and to our hub of moving towards something meaningful and valuable.

And so if you were to come to me, whether it's for some advice or counseling, or just as a friend, I would first start by  [01:06:00] asking you to tell me what your thought is or your story that you wanted to share with me or your experience. Maybe from just an hour before, before I came to your house, I experienced like someone cutting me off in traffic and I had this reaction.

 And so what I might do in that moment is while you're telling me the story and almost reliving what occurred; the experience, I would notice what your body's doing. I would notice your body language. I would notice where your eyes are. I would notice a lot of the non-verbal aspects of it. I had mentioned before earlier in the episode, like if you're clenching your fists or if your shoulders are up, or if you're speaking at a rate that's very quick and which indicates to me, okay, this really riled you up.

This really amped up the adrenaline. And what I might start doing is giving feedback and holding up the mirror. And just by saying, reflecting what I'm seeing, I'm noticing, as you're telling me the story that you're tapping your foot, [01:07:00] that your shoulders are up in your ear, that you're clenching your fists.

And I might take a part or just spend a little time noticing. And then I would ask you if you're telling me the story, what you're noticing as you're sharing this information, or what you're noticing about your clenched fists, or that you didn't notice. Oh gosh, I didn't even realize I was tapping my foot and I was speaking so quickly.

And then the key of it I have found,  and I really love that it's  back to  the filo dough and the filo philotimo. I hope that's how it's pronounced. I love that when it was broken down, it was about friends and honoring and awareness again, that sort of observation. And so my hope is to show folks how we can honor ,how we can honor, and we honor by acknowledging and acknowledging without judgment.

And I know that's [01:08:00] been  a theme that's interwoven today about I'm having this really real reaction, but I'm not actually going to go full force, full frontal, um, yelling, cursing, taking a bat to something and smashing it, because of expectations or because of what we believe is right or wrong.

And so that's sort of what I do. I help people understand that we need to back it up a little bit, observe, observe without judgment. And just the honoring of it is asking the questions around it.  I really loved how right now, at one point Fawn turned to Matt and said, what's wrong with you?

And he was like, thanks. Because when you reframe that and you ask the question of actually what's happening right now, what's right. What's happening instead of saying that there's something may be out of alignment or something that might be wrong or right. [01:09:00] But no, let me just take it back and without judgment, be like, what is actually happening right now.

And that can be a really powerful shift, um, in bringing in awareness and then like I'd said honoring, and if you do an honoring without judgment, we then can hear what the messages are, what we're supposed to learn  from the interaction. And then I love Matt, how you had said when you need to move and feel the discomfort or bump up against the edge of something, you then can learn what the solution is or what the soothing or the bomb is.

Okay. Sore muscles mean I need to stretch. And so it's all about the pausing. The honoring the acknowledging without judgment. That's where we start.

Fawn: [01:09:58] That's me applauding.

[01:10:00] That's the crowd.

Are we good? Are we I'm good. Okay. It's love winning. It is.

Matt: [01:10:13] Love is winning.

Fawn: [01:10:14] Love is winning. This has nothing to do.  Well, a little bit to do with what we're talking about, but,  we're talking about what happened, what's happening? What's happening. I find that, I say that all the time, I either say what's happening or what happened.

And I think I know where I got it from. I was walking around different parts of the middle east with some friends and we took some tour guides and they were teaching us what happened in history. Like in this area, in that area, like we would go to this town and they'd say, this is what happened here.

It was all war. It was all like, bad things happen here. Bad things happen here. This is where Jesus walked this word, you know? Like, but not that Jesus was bad, but I'm just saying like, this is, this is, you know, [01:11:00] things happened. All right. And things happened on top of one another in this place. Like if you go to the wailing wall, there, there are tunnels underneath.

 It's like, Temple upon temple built on top of one another, like what happened here? So after some time my friend started say, and I didn't get what he was saying until years later, when I'm of course in the bathroom, I finally understand something like it comes to me in the shower, like, oh, that's what he meant.

But wherever we would go, he would start shouting. What happened here? What happened before the tour guide? I had a chance to say anything. He'd say what happened? I'm sorry guys. I don't know. It's funny. Some levity to , all this strife, what happened?

KJ: [01:11:58] I think it's an invitation tell me, [01:12:00] the story, what's going on?

Fawn: [01:12:01] what happened?

Like what, and you know what, when, when everyone's upset or someone's upset, if you say it a certain way, like what happened? It doesn't, it's not accusatory. It's just like, well, shoot. I feel it, but like why? Yeah.

With that, that's my pretty little bow. what happened?. All right. Um, thank you everyone. Thank you for the beautiful philotimo and the baklava and all the ways. All the different layers.

Matt: [01:12:38] Thank you for the

pineapple,

Fawn.

Fawn: [01:12:40] You're welcome. Yeah.

Beth: [01:12:42] And the fish and chips,

Matt: [01:12:44] chips.

Fawn: [01:12:47] You know what? There are some vegan fish and chips out there.

There are. Have you tried, have you in the UK, have you had the vegan. Fish sticks.

Paul: [01:12:57] I think I've seen a fair idea of the day now. I was looking [01:13:00] flicking through, um, uh, vegan cookbook, but we were a cafe me and my mum, and I think it was like, I think it was tofu wrapped in those, nor is it in a notary rose or something?

Nori that's it. Thank you. Yeah. So it gives it like the sea flavor, doesn't it. And then they put the batter around it oh, I'm really hungry. And

Fawn: [01:13:21] I'm starting to get hungry. Yeah. You know what I miss are those steak fries with vinegar and some salt, a little more vinegar on there. Ma'am wrapped up in newspaper.

Hm. You know what I'm talking about? Is that still happening over there?

Paul: [01:13:42] Yeah. That's like a prime dish isn't it, Beth?Yeah. That's British that is!.

Fawn: [01:13:52] I'm really crazy hungry now. Okay. Okay. All right. Um, I love you guys. We'll see you in a few [01:14:00] days again. You know where to go? Our friendly world podcast.com. Everybody's information.

Is there all the links to Beth KJ Paul Katy, us, me and Matt, Matt and I  are there  thank you for listening everyone.  Take care, everyone. Bye-bye.

 

 

KJ Nasrul

psychotherapist, musician , podcast host

Kimberly "KJ" Nasrul is a licensed psychotherapist and musician nursing an obsession with words...and a gift for making grilled cheese sandwiches. She helps healers and essential frontline workers recover their resilient stories via music, art and compassionate conversations so that they can continue to uplift and heal their communities.
When she's not planning her next traveling adventure, kJ can be found on her podcast Stories of Astonishing Light jamming with musicians, artists and trailblazers about creativity and mental wellness accessibility for all communities.
KJ’s a Disaster Mental Health Responder (Psychological First Aid) and Quality Improvement Specialist for personal health privacy (so sexy, right?).

Beth Hewitt

Spiritual Performance Coach for Life and Business, author, podcast host

Beth Hewitt is a Spiritual Performance Coach for Life and Business and the Host of the Visualise You Show. She believes our past experiences hold clues to what we can create in our futures and is passionate about helping others realise the same. She specialises in creative visualisation, scripting, gratitude, and supporting others to develop a positive mindset. Her book the Power of Scripting teaches you to gain clarity and take back control of your life.

Lotus (Paul Martin)

musician, meditation teacher, personal trainer and nutrition coach

I am at first and foremost a musician. Music is how the area of my heart which concentrates on expression and art speaks. I have also studied and taught meditation for years and earned my qualifications as a personal trainer and nutrition coach. I love healing people in so many ways and being on the journey of self-love with them.

Katy LoSasso

Health and Nutrition GURU

A graduate of Rocky Mountain School for Botanical studies with a degree in Western Herbalism, Katy is one of the wisest, kindest and most compassionate people you will meet.