Nov. 15, 2021

The Weird Friend

The Weird Friend

Weird is not what you think it is. The word "weird" is normally defined asstrange peculiar disturbingly, different, or odd, right? No, this is not what this is. 
This episode is about the real meaning of "weird" and the power to control destiny, and the people that are our destiny and what becomes a magical fate.We get into history and mythology and discuss "Weird Sisters", The NORNS, the three fates, the goddesses who controlled human destiny.Who is in your life? who are these people? And are they an external force? Are they an internal force? Are they people that you meet along the way? Are they your friends? How does, how is your fate tied up in friendship? How does destiny work in this realm?


Weird is not what you think it is. The word "weird" is normally defined as
strange peculiar disturbingly, different, or odd, right? No, this is not what this is. 

This episode is about the real meaning of "weird" and the power to control destiny, and the people that are our destiny and what becomes a magical fate.

We get into history and mythology and discuss "Weird Sisters", The NORNS, the three fates, the goddesses who controlled human destiny.

Who is in your life? who are these people? And are they an external force? Are they an internal force? Are they people that you meet along the way? Are they your friends? How does, how is your fate tied up in friendship? How does destiny work in this realm?







 

Transcript

The Weird Friend - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: hello. Hi everybody. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. And hello. Once again, the weird friend today's topic, the weird friend. Now don't freak out. I'm not disrespecting anybody, we're looking at the word weird and looking at the weird friends in our lives. Now it's not what you think. We're going to look at the adjective and at the etymology of weird

Weird is not what you think it is. Or maybe you do

strange peculiar disturbingly, different odd, right? No, this is not what this is. What you're looking for, this is not the droids. What are, what is it I'm looking

[00:00:51] Matt: for? Yeah, this is not your father's.

[00:00:56] Fawn: So the adjective comes from late middle English it [00:01:00] originally meant having the power to control destiny.

Then it became this, an earthy thing. It was a late millet. I can't talk today, late middle English originally meant having the power to control destiny. And it was used, especially in the " Weird Sisters" originally referring, to the fates later, the witches in shakespeare's Macbeth.

[00:01:27] Matt: And I think , that, that highlights just the Bard because there can only be one. And he's the guy, his, casting a shadow over overall, because he is regarded as the greatest fiction author of all time.

[00:01:42] Fawn: You mean Shakespeare or what I say? Well, he just said he, or Lord, or Lord Byron, whoever, whatever your belief is.

There are lots of people that believe it wasn't actually Shakespeare, but it was Byron

[00:01:54] Matt: whoever that guy was,

[00:01:56] Fawn: maybe it was a woman point. So [00:02:00] weird circa 14 hundreds. Right, right. I'm assuming when you, when you read stuff and it says circle 1400, it's. It's AD. Is it AD? Or are we an AD or BC?

[00:02:14] Matt: Our kids are like, there's like CE and stuff.

[00:02:17] Fawn: Things keep changing all these, you know what I blame you, you and the acronyms and like all these letters and things, just whatever. So a long time ago

[00:02:29] Matt: in a galaxy far, far

[00:02:29] Fawn: away, uh it's it's so weird means having power to control fate. And it goes from old English to Saxon. Is it the same as ISACs and the same as old English?

It's not all right.

[00:02:45] Matt: Oh my God. I'm not, I'm not a British historian. I watched far too much British TV and there's like the Anglos. There's the Saxons. There's the Anglo-Saxons there's the Scotts there's. [00:03:00] I mean, it's all over the place.

[00:03:02] Fawn: I have a half page of notes of where weird came from, from all these different cultures from all these different societies in the past.

Okay. And I don't want to get into every single one because I'll fall asleep myself. So I'll just say, I'll just say, they all say the same thing about weird. And so I'll just, I highlighted some of my notes. This is the meaning that came up for all of these cultures. Can I say cultures, right? Is it cultures?

You're probably safe saying that. Yes. Right. So fate chance, fortune destiny literally means that which comes, to turn, to wind to become, to turn to bend. What came up a lot was turning, becoming. And then the sense is uncanny supernatural developed from middle English use [00:04:00] of "Weird Sisters".

Now then"Weird Sisters" is, the three fates or NORNS the three fates or Norns from the no, no, no, no. Before that big, it comes from the Germanic mythology. The NORNS the three sisters, the three fates, it's the goddesses who controlled human destiny. They were portrayed later as frightening or odd in appearance in Macbeth.

That's where it became a little bit, like the more towards the weird that we think of as weird.

[00:04:37] Matt: Well, because they described also as witches. Right,

[00:04:40] Fawn: right. Just like the three NORNS. Right. But isn't it interesting how you take anything good that women do, and then you turn them into evil, like even witch, a, witch is someone like an apothecary kind of a person, like a person who works with herbs, who is a healer, you know, who works in [00:05:00] the ethereal realm, who's an herbalist and they became these ugly green wort covered pointy hatted, evil women.

Right. You know, it's interesting once again, how women are put down in society century upon century. Right. So they became frightening in appearance. Like in Macbeth, especially in the 18th and 19th century productions of it, of Macbeth, which led to the, how do you pronounce this word?

Adjectival adjectival meaning the adjective basically, uh, of odd, odd looking uncanny, like around 1815, and then, around 18, 20 weird was associated with odd, strange disturbingly different. So from 1820 on that's when weird, shifted

[00:05:53] Matt: uncomfortable, how they put, uh, disturbing and different, like, because you are [00:06:00] different, it must by definition be disturbing.

It's kind of uncomfortable.

[00:06:04] Fawn: Right? Exactly. And, and that's the problem we have right now with cultures with different races, you know, with people. Yeah. Who've been in history like Hitler, be afraid of whatever is different. They're evil. Right, right. That's not what I'm saying, but that's what they said.

Let's, let's make it clear. So I didn't know what a NORN was. The three NORNS what NORNS

means in Norse mythology. It means smart people.

[00:06:35] Matt: Oh, that's interesting. Cause there was only three of them.

[00:06:37] Fawn: Well, I think the archetype was the three, the three women.

Right. And you, you taught me this. So there were three, three where they witches.

[00:06:48] Matt: Well, let's be careful because that also then stems from the Greek and the Greek tradition and the Norse tradition are different.

[00:06:55] Fawn: You were talking about the nor the NORNS [00:07:00] oh, this is going too slow. The

[00:07:01] Matt: NORNS were three women and they represented an understanding of the past, the present and the future.

[00:07:07] Fawn: And you told me one spun thread now we're in Greek.

[00:07:11] Matt: That's Greek.

[00:07:12] Fawn: That's Greek. Oh, it's good. So do you want to explain the three?

[00:07:18] Matt: So it's Norris mythology is a weird critter and I love mythology by the way. So sorry. I digress, but the NORNS bear a remarkable similarity to what the Greeks described as the fates and the fates described by Homer.

And I think they ended up spinning their way into plays, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. The Greeks throw all the pageantry on it. I think the Norns tend to streamline and keep things simple and yet very confusing. Whereas the Greeks build a, a whole mythology around it because there, there are three sisters and yes.

Okay. So fine in the NORNS, in the NORNS they're past, present and future. Okay, cool. [00:08:00] I think I can work with that. But then in Greek mythology, it's like, well, okay, so one like spins thread. Okay, fine. But a thread is a life. The second one measures the threads. So the longer the thread, I guess, the longer you live and the last one cuts the thread.

So that dictates that's the absolute limit to how long you're going to live, I believe so. Wow. That's kind of a, and so I have to assume. I wouldn't go talk to these people who can measure out my life and cut it short because if I piss them off

[00:08:35] Fawn: well, it's interesting because your or you, or they are assuming this is an external force where I see it as an internal force.

Like, um, oh, I'm forgetting the name for it, but it's a life force. It's a, , it's a cell, it's a molecular thing that if you have enough life force in you, and you can change it by breath work [00:09:00] in yoga, but it's kind of like, um, it's a biology thing where it's, it's compared to, it's similar to, if you have shoelaces, you know, the, the plastic part at the end of the shoelace that keeps it from getting out of control or the threads coming out, that plasticy tip, it's referred to as something like that.

You can change that. But if you don't put intention upon it, if you don't have proper life force in you, that that gets smaller and smaller much like the threads. And that is actually what determines how long your lifespan is that if you have enough life force in you and you can change it, by the way; that part of the shoelace thingy, the longer it gets the longer your lifespan gets. So I don't know. You can think of these three women as an external force or an internal one.

[00:09:59] Matt: Okay. Gotcha. [00:10:00] But anyways, let's spin this back. My goodness. We are, it feels like we're very much

[00:10:04] Fawn: off time. Well, don't we always go roundabout, but it's all related.

We'll bring it back. Don't worry folks. I wonder how many people, how many of you are listening on double speed? I wonder sometimes I know we talk a little slow, cause I know when I listened to podcasts, I'm on double speed. And if I could coach go triple, I would go triple. So if I

[00:10:24] Matt: talk really fast, so I have no idea what I'm talking about.

[00:10:27] Fawn: So go ahead. Go ahead. Come on. I don't want people to go on second speed.

[00:10:31] Matt: Go. I totally get it. So how do we, how do we, how do we deal with, how does this tie into friendship?

[00:10:39] Fawn: Yeah. Okay. So you want to get into friendships tight, tight

[00:10:42] Matt: around baby. Oh my goodness. So who are these people? And are they an external force? Are they an internal force? Are they people that you meet along the way? Are they your friends? How does, how is your fate get tied up in friendship? I

[00:10:55] Fawn: have so many examples and some are friends and some are people I never [00:11:00] saw. Their faces are enemies and some are enemies, but in the end, they're all friends. Oh dear. Well, I've had lots of enemies who put me on the right path.

And then I started tripping out on it, thinking, wow, maybe on another realm, we made a contract with one another for this person to be a total jerk to me, for me to experience what I experienced, like they showed, they were kind enough to show their UGLY. But in fact, perhaps on a spiritual level, we are friends and they agreed to meet me on this path to have a certain experience occur.

Wow. You never thought about that? I haven't thought about that.

[00:11:43] Matt: Sometimes I was a kid, I think about things like that, but I don't think about things as far as like, we plan this all out, you know, somebody might just be having a bad day or somebody might be, I think

[00:11:53] Fawn: everything is planned out. I

[00:11:55] Matt: believe in a certain, I like to hold onto a certain sense of a [00:12:00] lack of maliciousness in most people.

Well,

[00:12:02] Fawn: it, but that's just what I'm saying though. If you step far, far away from it, nothing is malicious. There's no good or bad. We've talked about this before. Is it good? Is it bad? Don't know.

[00:12:13] Matt: Well, we

[00:12:14] Fawn: certainly have, but Matt just gave me a crazy, like, by the way eyebrowse up

[00:12:19] Matt: and down scenarios where I can't see any good happening.

So there you go. So anyways, where are we going? So give us an example of somebody. Oh, do you want me to start affected your

[00:12:30] Fawn: fate? Someone who changed my destiny?

[00:12:32] Matt: A weird person who affected your fate?

[00:12:34] Fawn: A weird friend. All right. Let's call him a friend. Well, I mean the first person I can think of, I've already talked about on this show, two people I have talked about on this show you know, I had to go back to the beginning, like the youngest I can remember a friend changing my path. It feels weird because I don't want to talk about the first one and have that be like, okay, this was the most important one.

I'm just remembering the [00:13:00] first. When I can remember as a child. I've talked about her before. She was called the witch. When I was in first grade. I attended first grade in two different countries. I was in the middle east. It was a scary time, like there was revolution about to happen. Things were bad, but it wasn't bad yet. It was bad from the perspective of the forseers who are noticing what's happening politically. Anyway. So I stopped talking. I wouldn't speak and it was first grade.

I was just quiet and we had come from the United States. So we were known as the Americans, I was known as the American. So in first grade, in the middle east, it was just weird. It was scary. And I was on my own because of course you all know the story, my family wasn't very, um, involved or caring.

So like I did everything on my own. I like checked myself into school. Like maybe the parents. [00:14:00] Um, yeah.

[00:14:01] Matt: I can just see you, like walking up, taking a look there's the school. And there's like the big doors and you go in the office and you're like, I'm ready for school. Yeah.

[00:14:09] Fawn: And they were like, what are you doing here?

We tore up your records because I was American. They weren't. Oh, no, America was great. Oh my God. When I came in LA I had the best teacher. I was thinking

[00:14:20] Matt: in the positive way.

[00:14:22] Fawn: Well, I'm just referring to the trauma, like I had to go. And it was a totally different regime that was starting. And I was in an English school like English, like UK and things were changing.

So they were, it was just weird and uncomfortable. And also uncomfortable enough when you go from one country to another like major culture shock. So here I am. There was this one girl who was referred to as the witch. She was very, very, very skinny and her skin was almost translucent. So you could see her veins, especially in her hands, like her hands look like she was a hundred years old [00:15:00] and they made fun of her.

I was very spunky. I don't know if I've talked to you guys about the guy I beat up. During recess because he would not keep his hands off me. I mean, we're in first grade he would kiss me and it was like getting kissed by a St. Bernard with all the slobber on your face.

And it would happen in class. And I would raise my hand and tell the teacher and the teacher would say, oh, that's so cute. And I remember looking at her, cause I had complained a few times and her response was always the same: "oh, how cute. "And I remember it was in the middle of class. I raised my hand. I said, I need him off of me.

I don't want to sit next to him. And he keeps kissing me. I don't want that. And so the whole class heard it and she was like, oh, that's so cute. And I remember slowly putting my hand down and just staring at her. And that's when I started scaring myself. Cause I was like, [00:16:00] okay, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands.

And come recess. I pummeled this kid. but anyway, so it was that kind of, oh, how did I end up talking about this?

[00:16:12] Matt: I don't know. You were talking about your friend. Oh,

[00:16:14] Fawn: okay. Oh yeah. I didn't take any guff from anybody. Like I tried to obey the rules, but if I wasn't helped, I took matters into my own hands.

So there's this girl who was called the witch. I don't recall her speaking either. I was new to school we became friends. We spotted each other from across the school yard. We locked arms. I talk about this all the time and we would walk arm in arm and it was like the red sea parting of all the bullies and all these stupid kids who said horrible things to her about her.

And no one, no one bothered us, nobody. [00:17:00] And I, and I, I like to think because they knew I would, I would, I would, I would beat them up and I was tiny myself. Like we were, I wasn't skinny like her, but I was small. You know what I mean? Like a petite little girl, but, um, we were a force to be reckoned with man.

And so she, she provided destiny for me because now that I think about it all these years later, Whenever I talk about friendship and the true feeling of it. I think of her and I think about us locking arms and walking, going on strolls through the yard, at recess and lunchtime and before school and that bond, that I've felt that, that sense of security, that sense of power that you have with a friend that for me, was one of the weird friend moments, right?

Because it, it was truly magical. It was truly, if you think about it, [00:18:00] fortunate destiny filled because now that's all I talk about. That's my whole mission is the friendship, the bond. And I always go back to her. So she was one she's one of my weird friends. But I have a list. I have a huge list of people. Why don't you go next?

[00:18:19] Matt: So mine aren't nearly as quote unquote mystical, but, uh, yeah, one of them was actually one of my teachers, in high school. She is the one who mentioned what then became the college and the university ended up attending. And it's bizarre because, sometimes people just ACE in an, in and out.

And then this was the second class I had had with her. And I was finally like, I had a class with her in ninth grade and then class with her in like 12th grade, which is both ends of , high school. And actually, yeah, it was probably, 12th grade. She knew me by the time she had me the second time, like she knew who I was.

And she mentioned again, she mentioned the college I ended up going to, and she mentioned this as being a good [00:19:00] school and then something we should look into and the whole bit, and it almost felt like she was addressing me personally because I'm the only student from my grade who went to that school because it was like eight hours away, et cetera, et cetera, but, go banana slugs.

, but what's so interesting then about this whole, sometimes people just kind of lands in and out is literally two years later. No, I think it was three years later. The younger brother of, one of my friends in high school, I graduated from, from high school and I went to his graduation ceremony cause I knew him and you know, that's cool.

And I ran into her again. I ran into that teacher didn't even remember me. It was a weird world.

Completely obviously changed the trajectory, certainly, the university you go to certainly puts you in an interesting place. That's right.

[00:19:46] Fawn: Right. Well, if you're going to talk teachers, I have, I have two teachers. I have like maybe three actually, but I'll talk about two similar time period.

For me it was high school. Did you have school counselors that were therapists [00:20:00] like psychologists or

[00:20:01] Matt: psychotherapists? Not that I ever talked to her, but I

[00:20:04] Fawn: think mine was Ms. MacLennan. I don't remember exactly, but she saved my life because I was having trouble. Of course, like you all know with my family.

One day I showed up to school and I couldn't stop crying. I had clutched every bit of any photography project, equipment I had purchased on my own. I was clutching onto them because it was just kind of like a violent night before with family. And I was told you turn in every photography, anything you have, you're never to do photography, you're not allowed to work. You're just going to go to school and come home . That's it like after a violent night, like me not violent, them being violent. It was horrible. Right. But anyway, so, um, I just pulled all my stuff together and I was always working from even before the legal age of [00:21:00] working.

I was always like an entrepreneur and I was trying to save money actually for college, for myself, even at age 11. And so everything that I had acquired on my own, I just grabbed and I went to school and I, and then I just broke down into tears and I couldn't stop crying. And, um, wow, sorry. She's

[00:21:21] Matt: getting emotional.

[00:21:23] Fawn: So what happened was somehow I ended up in the office before school and I guess all the teachers noticed. So what made me go to the office? I don't know. I don't remember what, um, and our school was really strict. In LA we had lockdowns. We we're not allowed in between classes to be walking anywhere. You would be in big trouble if you were caught without a hall pass.

Right. Did you have that?

[00:21:48] Matt: We were, we were a closed campus, so yeah. And

[00:21:51] Fawn: again, so like nobody was allowed to walk freely anywhere. You had to have either someone like a teacher with you or [00:22:00] you had to have a pass. And I remember that day, all the teachers let me wander around campus. Like nobody like said boo, me.

And I remember going to the bleachers and crying. I was like crying the whole time. I was just like walking around and I remember one of my favorite teachers back then, the photography teacher. It was like, he that's the day he became a jerk to me. Cause I went to him. To talk. Right. And he's like, I don't know what to do with you fawn.

And I'm like, I looked at him, I'm like, wow, I guess I know that I know where you stand. Thanks. Right. And I really looked up to him. And so the two teachers that totally ended up changing my destiny or putting me on the path was the school psychologist who I was afraid of. Cause I thought, if you saw back then I had the mentality. Like if you go to a therapist, you must be crazy. And I remember someone said, you should go see Ms. McClennan [00:23:00] and I said, no, I am not crazy. I don't need to. And they're like, okay. Okay. Whatever. And then I ended up walking to her office a couple hours later and I, she knew like she was dealing with some other kid and she excused the kid and had me sit down instead in her office.

I thought she was going to say, you know, we're going to bring your parents in here. We're going to make things work out. So I told her what happened and she did the opposite. She was like, we got to help you. You got to get away from these people.

That was the first therapist I had. And I had many after that, who said, you got to get away from these people. And, um, so she was the one who handed me this, this book, this catalog of this school, I ended up attending. The cover of this catalog was an eye, and I was obsessed with photographing eyes.

And I was [00:24:00] obsessed with a particular thing that you did back then in photography, where you change the emulsion of the film by drastically changing the temperature of how you're processing the film, so it breaks the emulsion and creates a process that's called reticulation. And now you can do it in Photoshop in a second, but it, it created this pixelated, but it wasn't pixels.

It was like puzzle pieces in a way of an image. And it, it, it, it separates them. It's a, it's a special technique. Like if you see it you'll know it. And so that was the cover was articulated eye, uh, and she didn't know, she didn't know that about my photography, but she hands me this book, she goes, I have a feeling this place would be good for you.

And I looked at the cover and it was that image. And I was like, that's the place for me? I didn't even open the book. Right. And that's where I ended up going to school.

The other [00:25:00] one that day was Mr. Lomeli, Mr. Lomeli was the drama teacher. And he always told me that I should pursue being an actor because I, he called it it, I have it.

He described people as you have it. If you can see and recognize someone by their back in a crowd. If someone's in a crowd and you're only seeing their backs, if you can recognize that person from just looking at them from behind that person has it. And it's not a physical thing. It's a magnetic energy thing. Like they have a presence about them.

And so he would always say that about me. And I remember always being backstage and that's where I would go cry. Cause it was dark and no one else was there and he would have like the best talks with me, like giving such coaching. Like you're a great person. You're so talented. Don't listen to these people.

So he was one, [00:26:00] sorry, I'm crying. Now you go ahead. Oh my goodness.

[00:26:03] Matt: Oh my goodness. So this one's slightly earlier for me and I got, it feels like mine are so small next to yours, but here we are. Um, but uh, uh, yeah, little shout out to Tom, his wife Wynn and their little boy Wesley, who is God, not a little boy anymore.

He was an infant. So Tom and Gwen, Tom was a program director at the YMCA Los Cerritos YMCAs shout out. And Gwen was. Sweet. And they had, they had a little boy and he was probably in the neighborhood of six to nine months. And I called them little Wesley headbanger because I'm heavy metal dude. And this was like, I was like, you know, 16, 17, I, you can't tell me what to do.

Ended up. I was with the Williams, which I guess is credit to my sister who was always involved with my MCA and Tom and Gwen [00:27:00] took me in practically, like he was in charge of everything and Gwen was just super sweet. And like, I liked hanging out in the arts and crafts hut because yeah, I liked hanging out in the arts, arts and crafts side.

I won't say that the person running the arts and crafts hut was extremely attractive, but we could say that, uh, and Gwen came in and we were hanging out. We were talking, I was the quote unquote counselor in charge of all the students, all the, like all the kids who were there, which is a weird world, but I'm still so, oh, but like.

They took me in and they were like , just normal. And like, I could see, first of all, the love that they had and I could see the love they had for their son, like love for, they had for each other. And they started embracing me with that. And , it really gave me pause because in my world it was like me and like three or four other people against the whole flipping world that just wanted to tell me how to be, how to see, how to, how to go. And they just, they [00:28:00] saw me, they accepted me and we all moved on and you know, it was just, it was just nice. And it was just simple and it doesn't have to weird. Doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be complicated, but you can feel the shift. You can feel like things starting to change. And that's when I think things started to change and I started to be more like, you know what, I'm just going to show who I am and if you don't like it , that's what it is, not, I'm just going to be angry. And I'm just, you're just going to get this red wall every time you try and even look at me. So you're going to be like afraid or you're not going to want to. And it really, it really tweaked it for me. And that was at the beginning of the tweak that happened when I started my senior year in high school, which is where I really just mellowed out, quote, unquote, mellowed out.

I mean, I wouldn't necessarily have said yes, you absolutely mellowed out on everything. I certainly didn't. I was still very, very angry at a [00:29:00] lot of things, but , that was the beginning of the quote unquote softening and the beginning of the, let your freak flag fly, and who cares as opposed to let your fleet fried, let your flee fly low.

Um, let your freak flag fly and if anybody has anything to say about it, then it's going to be, it's going to be conflict. And that's that, that, that kind of represented an important shift for

me.

[00:29:28] Fawn: And it's interesting the way you're talking about that, I can now see the series of events that occurred and it led you to Santa Cruz.

It led you to Aikido,

[00:29:38] Matt: well, Santa Cruz definitely led me to Aikido cause Aikido was hugely popular there. I didn't study it there, but

[00:29:43] Fawn: it was hugely popular. I think that started you on the softening path.

[00:29:48] Matt: Yes. Yes. And it's it's Tom it's, Gwen cram and their son, little Wesley little Wesley

headbanger.

[00:29:56] Fawn: So speaking, we have events like the whole [00:30:00] train of events. We were talking about evil people. I was just going to give you another weird friend example, which is Holly for me, but what led me to Holly was a result of an evil person. I was a photographer. Back then, I really was into traveling to far, far away places, places that were very hard to get to, I had quit Aveda, so I wasn't a corporate photographer anymore, and I was burnt out. So I was a barista. I was like, no, it's to this, I'd rather serve coffee and then do my own projects somehow. And so I started to fund my own projects and do my own thing. And some of them are really expensive. I'm sorry. But like, especially back then, I was using film.

It was expensive just to take one shot is expensive. Right. And so I ended up connecting with this famous photographer. We [00:31:00] ended up just connecting over the phone, over email and phone, and we decided to share , the expenses of going on a photo shoot, where we would each do our own separate photo shoots, but we would share the car and we would share, you know, you always need a guide, especially when you're going out in the Bush, someone to translate from, from tribe to tribe.

Right. And also

[00:31:23] Matt: physical protection. Right?

[00:31:24] Fawn: Yeah. I mean, you, you and there are so many laws that you are not aware of, the laws in between tribes, the laws of that particular country in that area, who, especially if it's an area that is prone to violence and war, same thing, right. Violence and war.

But so we decided to split it and this, this should have been clue. Big clue for me was why is this famous photographer talking to a young woman and wanting to split expenses? He had the backing of so many different corporations for every shoot he went on [00:32:00] and I'm a barista paying exactly.

Half of everything where we're paying for. Right. But I was young. I was a young kid and I didn't, I don't know. I just, that should have been a big clue right there. Big giveaway of this. Guy's not. Okay. So anyway, this guy, now that I have some experience in some years, looking back on it, understanding what really happened, this guy, as soon as he saw me, I remember I was waiting for him at the airport and ADIs Addis Ababa.

And as soon as he saw me, it was the first time he had seen me. He always heard my voice. As soon as he saw me, I could tell, like he just, his jaw dropped. Like he was so disappointed. You know, I think he was expecting a tall blonde. Blonde dyed blonde, blonde haired, blue eyed woman with big boobs and all this.

Right. And instead he got me, there's like brown [00:33:00] skin, petite, long black hair, you know, ethnic woman. Right. That w when my friends would always say Fawn, when you look at you, you know, there's no chance in hell that they would get laid. Do you know what I mean? Like, well, I'm sorry, but that's, that was, I w I was always like, why do these kinds of people have that reaction about me?

Like, am I not attractive? Not that that, that I want them to be attracted to me, but I'm like, what is that? Look that they give me. And one of my friends, like who was always a truth teller, like sometimes it would totally hurt your feelings, but she flat out said, because when they look at you, they know that you're not going to be, uh, uh, a play thing.

Do you know what I mean? I will have none of that. Right. So anyway, so this whole trip, he would try to sabotage me every step of the way he even tried to poison me. And I got really [00:34:00] sick, really, really sick where I couldn't get out of bed. I think I briefly mentioned this before on another episode. So it was horrible, but because of him, a couple of years later, I was thinking about taking a photography lecture that was happening in New Mexico.

It was Santa Fe. It was in Santa Fe where all the artists would always meet. Right. I had mixed feelings. I'm like, oh, I don't know if I should go. I can't really stand being around other photographers. They're so egotistical and like, Ugh. And so I remember a friend said, you should go.

I think it's destiny. And as soon as she said that, I'm like, I agree with you. I don't know why. So I go. Whenever I would go to these things, I would dress up. Even in art school, I dressed up, but I dressed up because I had a job right after I worked in retail and I had to wear pantyhose and pencil skirts and blazers and, you know,pumps.

I dressed the same when [00:35:00] I would go to show my portfolio, or if I would go to events like this, like lectures and stuff, everyone else is in ripped jeans, artistic. Yeah. So I'm sitting there with my briefcase, which had my portfolio in it, by the way I carried a briefcase. And because I was, this was business for me.

I realized that a certain point, no matter what you do, it's business. Right. And you can treat that business with total love and creativity. It's still business. So for me to take photographs of you, it's not about me. It's about making you look good. It's about your business thriving, because I photographed your business in such a way I'm here to provide you with something.

Right. And so, um, I'm sitting there and we don't know who the lectures are going to be, or I certainly didn't and I'm sitting there and I'm in front row, second row actually. But like upfront, like frontline. Ready for whoever's about to speak, ready to take notes, so excited .And who should come on stage, but this fool, [00:36:00] this evil photographer. Last time I saw him, he was trying to bail on a major bill. , we went to a restaurant in the hotel and he ate and ate and ate, and then just left me with a bill. And I was like, nuts enough. And I remember telling the manager, he didn't pay the bill. Right. And so he got tracked down and they forced him to pay.

But anyway, but that was the last time I saw him and here he is onstage and everybody's loving him like, Ooh, is this famous guy? And I'm like, oh my God, if you guys only knew what this guy does behind the scenes, like this guy is disgusting. Like the way he treats the environment, the way he treats people just to get a shot.

Like it was ridiculous how many times you almost got us killed out there? I'm like, I'm talking about AK47s being pointed at my tumble. Like just, he didn't care. He did not care. Right.[00:37:00] And yet he was speaking, like he was so loving of the environment. And so loving of all these cultures, I mean, so behind me, so here's where my weird friends come through behind me.

I didn't know anyone in this auditorium. And I started to very slowly put my stuff away, put my notepad away. Cause I wanted to get the hell out of there. Of course I did not want to be there. And all of a sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder. I don't know this guy. His name was Alex. I found out later. , he gives me this handwritten note.

Any, he said, don't leave. There's love for you here. I'm like who the hell? What? Um, anyway, I kept the note for years. I think I still have it somewhere, but I, I, I still left. Right. I left. I'm like nuts to [00:38:00] this and I guess the guy followed me, the guy behind me and I wandered around for a little bit to walk around.

Cause I'm like, what am I going to do? I just was so like shaky and emotional, I was like, I can't believe this. I grabbed my briefcase and I was headed out and I was walking across this dirt, like yard, typical Santa Fe, New Mexico scene. Right? Like in this Adobe place leaving and, and then I hear someone say, is that your portfolio talking about my briefcase? Is that your portfolio? And I kind of paused, but I didn't turn back. I kept walking, excuse me, excuse me. Is that your portfolio? And I turn around and it's the guy. He was like, can I see it please? I'm like, I was just headed out. He's like, please can I see her work?

I'm like, okay. So we're sitting outside, I'm standing and [00:39:00] he's li he's turning the pages of my book. Right. And with each page he keeps yelling, Holly, oh my God, Holly, Holly, come here. And I'm like, who is Holly? I didn't see anybody else around. So along comes Holly,

and so they started looking at my work and they're like, why are you leaving? I briefly told them the story. They're like, well, where are you going to go? I'm like, I think I'm going to go to a restaurant they're like, well, we'll come with you.

And so we went to this restaurant and I told them the whole story of what had happened. And so anyway, um, and they were like, where are you from? I asked them where they were from. I told them I was from Santa Monica and it turned out that Holly was from Texas, but moving to Santa Barbara, I'm like, oh my God.

I go to Santa Barbara all the time. That's my spirit zone. That's where I, I go to totally connect and get answers. So if you need anything, I can help you. Like, that's my territory. It turned out. She actually went to [00:40:00] school in Santa Barbara for a photography. And so anyway, so we became friends and it was because of Holly stepping into my life that eventually led me to you, Matt, because all my friends in Santa Monica were always telling me I should study Aikido

and I was like, no, I like the mixed martial arts. I like the chopping and the hitting and you know, and Aikido looks so fake to me. No, thank you. These were expert martial artists by the way. And they were like, Fawn, you have no idea what you're talking about. You should study Aikido

I'm like, Nope, Nope. I've seen the videos. They're so fake. Are you kidding me? Like the videos of O Sensei throwing all those big grizzly guys with a finger I'm like, please. So anyway. On our way to Santa Barbara, she stopped in Santa Monica to spend the night over at my studio.

We could hang out and I could show her the neighborhood and everything. And [00:41:00] so we, she, we would go back and forth and she would come stand on Santa Monica all the time. And it was when Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon was out. We went to see it we went to the parking lot to get into the car, to drive back.

And before we got into the car, we were just looking out at the sunset. We were on the rooftop of a parking structure, typical LA. And so she pulled this move on me. It was purely energetic. She did not touch me. And because we had seen crouching tiger because I was totally receptive

She pulled a maneuver and I looked at her I'm like, what the heck was that? What'd you just do? She goes, that's Aikido. I'm like, oh, it was a spiritual whirlwind thing. It was completely ethereal. Very weird. If you were going to describe some energy weird. I'm like, all right, I'm sold [00:42:00] fine.

She's like, I'm going to help you find a place. Okay. So she's the one who found the school where you were at Matt. So I'm sorry. Long winded story. I'm so sorry guys, but weirdness led me to you, honey.

[00:42:15] Matt: And there you go. Well, I have, and I think maybe I've talked about this before, but I have a story where I got to be the fate.

And change the trajectory of someone's life.

[00:42:23] Fawn: What happened?

[00:42:24] Matt: Check me out my best friend in high school, Vince God bless Vince. We were like peas and carrots. We were like besties. We were like us against the flipping world for awhile. And then obviously Dave came and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But anyways, so in typical, I suppose person, you know, people, fashion Vince decided he either A, wanted to be a heavy metal drummer or be wanted to B, a

[00:42:49] Fawn: cop.

He knew back then he wanted to be a cop. Well,

[00:42:53] Matt: it was always kind of in his spear,

[00:42:56] Fawn: what a weird, like weird thing,

[00:42:59] Matt: [00:43:00] zing completely different. Right. , anyways, he told me, Hey, yeah, there's Tryouts there's whatever you want to call it.

There's testing to become a, , orange county sheriff and it starts on this day. And so I said, Vince, let's do it. You and me let's see how it goes.

[00:43:15] Fawn: You mean you were going to do.

[00:43:17] Matt: We train for the PT, the physical test. We, I took the physical test with him where you have to like, carry a body for so many yards.

We had to run 1600 yards and you had to sprint and you had to, I don't even remember what else you had to do. I think you had to climb a wall. I think, I don't know who knows this was, this was an interesting amount of time ago, but I did that with him. And then I went to the next level where you actually took a written test just to see if , A, new English and B were reasonably, you know, had your high school equivalency basically.

Yeah. And I took that with him. So I was on my way to becoming a sheriff, which is interesting. Cause welcome to the fates. Right. But then I stepped away. Then I said, you know what, I'm done. [00:44:00] And he continued. And because of that, that made him a special Sheriff's officer, which made him a bus cop, went to, went to the academy and everything.

And that was the beginning.

[00:44:12] Fawn: I have a whole list of people that have totally been there.

Like I have one I never even saw. I was at a bookstore, the Bodhi tree. Do you guys remember the Bodhi tree? in LA? The Bodhi tree. You always talk about it, but you will never went, you went there with me on Melrose, if you say, so you guys, the Bodhi tree was amazing.

All, all kinds of books, mostly spiritual books, weird books. So I was there one day looking for her help. I was looking for some book to turn to for comfort. I sat on the ground looking at the shelf in front of me trying to figure out which one of these books should I pull out.

There were so many of them, of course. And then all of a sudden. [00:45:00] This hand comes like inches by my face and goes in very gently because it was a loving energy. It was totally loving, very thoughtfully, very gracefully, very respectfully, very close to me, goes and takes out a book pauses on this one book and then slides it out.

And then the hand motions like this one, I didn't even look to see who this person was. I just took the book and I opened it. I bought it. I have it to this day. All these years later, that book, one day ended up, on my shelf at my house in Seattle, I had just, moved to Seattle one of my best friends, Daphne, who I always talk about, comes over for the first time to my house, goes to my bookshelf, goes straight to this book.

And said, oh my God, that's my acupuncturist. That's my doctor. [00:46:00] That's his, that's his dad. That's his dad. So like a lineage of this whole family of really talented acupuncturists. But this is like, you you've seen the, you, you know, the book I'm talking about it. It's super thick, the IChing one. That created more of a bond with my friend Daphne,

and that book to this day is a weird one of those weird things and it's, but talk about metaphysical, talk about, you know, fate and destiny and all that. That's what this whole book is about. Right? The book of changes. And what did we say? One of the meetings was wasn't it to become, to change, to turn to.

The spirit of becoming is what weird means. This is the book of changes. That was another weird friend, but I never saw this person.

[00:46:54] Matt: Interesting.

[00:46:55] Fawn: Your turn.

I

[00:46:56] Matt: have nothing to match the, um, [00:47:00] well-thought out that you've

[00:47:01] Fawn: got, listen, this is not well thought. Well, it is well thought out because I always think about how people affect me. And every time I see someone I'm like, wow, because I do believe everything is a pre-planned meeting. Every person I walk by, every person that my eyes see, I feel like that was an assigned meeting. Every person on my path, we plan this, right. We plan to meet, even if it's just a walk by; like our energetic fields combining for a second, even. So I'm sure there's a lot, but it's not, like I thought about this before the show, I'm just remembering, these are the people and I was just started to jot down some names and I do have a whole list in front of me, but yeah, it is well thought out because I always think about this.

Even the birth of our kids and like how profoundly it changed my destiny or put me on my true path. That was a designated meeting [00:48:00] for sure. Right.

I'm going to give you another example of a weird, a weird friend.

This is how I got involved in acupuncture I had moved to Santa Monica and that in, in our neighborhood. The apartment that I lived in. Before I totally fixed it up. It had no flooring. One day I'm just sitting on the ground and I noticed a spider on my leg.

I'm like, ah, and I flung it off. Right. But then we caught it and we were looking at the spider, my friend and I were looking at the spider and it had fangs. I've never seen a spider like that before. It wasn't big necessarily, but it had these fangs. Like, oh my God, what the heck is this? We looked it up and it was a recluse spider.

We took the spider out and put it in the dirt outside. Shortly after that, I developed this thing on my shoulder. That first it was like a tiny little dot. It was itchy and I scratched it and it started [00:49:00] to bleed and I didn't have health insurance back then. Um, you know, I was working as a barista, no money, very little money.

I couldn't afford to go to the doctor or anything, but this thing grew it was actually three dots, like a triangle. It grew to this, I don't know what would this be? Like five, five inches, five inches of it. It took up my whole shoulder, like round bony part of the shoulder right here.

Right. And it turned black and all the outskirts where these bumps that would bleed and the black part, if I scratched it a tiny bit would bleed. This happened for months, every day I had, like in the middle of the day, I would have a fever. I very little energy.

I just didn't feel good. One day when I was serving coffee, this guy walks in this weird guy. Weird is good, weird. The weird we're talking about. So he walks in and he's like, whoa, what happened [00:50:00] to your shoulder? I'm like, I don't know. I think it was a spider bite. I'm not sure. And he's like, do you do energy work?

I said, yeah, I do. He's like, do you protect yourself? I'm like, I do it all the time. So maybe not all the time do I think, okay forcefield around me protection. I don't know. Back then. I didn't, I didn't take it seriously enough. He's like that is a sign that you were pierced, your energetic field was pierced, and that you were infected, that, that wouldn't have happened to you if you were grounded.

Like if you had that protection field around you and you need to do that, when you're doing light work, I'm like, oh, okay. And so I ended up having coffee with this guy and he told me all about his work. He was an acupuncturist and he told me about dragon that's when I found out about the dragon energy and that he totally put me on the path of healing work.

That's [00:51:00] when I started to go to acupuncture and I went, they looked at me like these, these beautiful, elders from China where the teachers of this school shout out to Emperor's Clinic, Emperors College back then it was called, but you could go for like $20 and get a whole treatment herbs and everything, and they fixed you up.

I went in and I was getting scared. It was scary and they just looked at me, no big deal. And then they just went, boop, boop, boop. They put these needles in. They made it bleed. They put a suction cup on and like sucked out all, whatever was there. And I swear to you, I've felt , the fever leave from one side of my body and out the other.

And I was perfectly healthy when I walked out. That was my whole healing world, that whole world of alternative medicine, energetic medicine, all of that. It was because of this weird [00:52:00] friend who walked into the coffee shop. Changed everything. And now, you know, me, everything is like, I'd rather go to the acupuncturist first holistically, check me out, because a lot of things, the normal doctor doesn't even like, listen to me or like, know what's really going on, or I'll go to the doctor and then I'll go to the acupuncturist and they'll fix up whatever was what would happen from the regular doctor.

Because like, let's say they give me antibiotics and then I have all these other problems. Then I have to go to the acupuncturist so they can heal up heal, whatever happened from the effects of the drugs that they were giving me. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, so, so there you have it. I mean, seriously, it happens daily.

If there are people out there, I guarantee you, it's a weird experience. It's a weird friend to pay attention to. And you know what I mean now by weird. Right? Right. So that's it..

[00:52:57] Matt: Pay attention, weirdness comes. [00:53:00] Remember, and as you move forward, though, the weird friends who affect your trajectory and you know what, we'd love to hear some stories from you guys, email

[00:53:10] Fawn: us: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/ let us know what your stories are. We love you. Thank you so much for listening. And remember weird is good. Be well, bring back the weird, bring back the fate, the chance, the fortune, the destiny, having the power to control fate. That's what weird is. Don't be afraid.

We love you so much. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye. Bye.

 

The Weird Friend - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: hello. Hi everybody. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. And hello. Once again, the weird friend today's topic, the weird friend. Now don't freak out. I'm not disrespecting anybody, we're looking at the word weird and looking at the weird friends in our lives. Now it's not what you think. We're going to look at the adjective and at the etymology of weird

Weird is not what you think it is. Or maybe you do

strange peculiar disturbingly, different odd, right? No, this is not what this is. What you're looking for, this is not the droids. What are, what is it I'm looking

[00:00:51] Matt: for? Yeah, this is not your father's.

[00:00:56] Fawn: So the adjective comes from late middle English it [00:01:00] originally meant having the power to control destiny.

Then it became this, an earthy thing. It was a late millet. I can't talk today, late middle English originally meant having the power to control destiny. And it was used, especially in the " Weird Sisters" originally referring, to the fates later, the witches in shakespeare's Macbeth.

[00:01:27] Matt: And I think , that, that highlights just the Bard because there can only be one. And he's the guy, his, casting a shadow over overall, because he is regarded as the greatest fiction author of all time.

[00:01:42] Fawn: You mean Shakespeare or what I say? Well, he just said he, or Lord, or Lord Byron, whoever, whatever your belief is.

There are lots of people that believe it wasn't actually Shakespeare, but it was Byron

[00:01:54] Matt: whoever that guy was,

[00:01:56] Fawn: maybe it was a woman point. So [00:02:00] weird circa 14 hundreds. Right, right. I'm assuming when you, when you read stuff and it says circle 1400, it's. It's AD. Is it AD? Or are we an AD or BC?

[00:02:14] Matt: Our kids are like, there's like CE and stuff.

[00:02:17] Fawn: Things keep changing all these, you know what I blame you, you and the acronyms and like all these letters and things, just whatever. So a long time ago

[00:02:29] Matt: in a galaxy far, far

[00:02:29] Fawn: away, uh it's it's so weird means having power to control fate. And it goes from old English to Saxon. Is it the same as ISACs and the same as old English?

It's not all right.

[00:02:45] Matt: Oh my God. I'm not, I'm not a British historian. I watched far too much British TV and there's like the Anglos. There's the Saxons. There's the Anglo-Saxons there's the Scotts there's. [00:03:00] I mean, it's all over the place.

[00:03:02] Fawn: I have a half page of notes of where weird came from, from all these different cultures from all these different societies in the past.

Okay. And I don't want to get into every single one because I'll fall asleep myself. So I'll just say, I'll just say, they all say the same thing about weird. And so I'll just, I highlighted some of my notes. This is the meaning that came up for all of these cultures. Can I say cultures, right? Is it cultures?

You're probably safe saying that. Yes. Right. So fate chance, fortune destiny literally means that which comes, to turn, to wind to become, to turn to bend. What came up a lot was turning, becoming. And then the sense is uncanny supernatural developed from middle English use [00:04:00] of "Weird Sisters".

Now then"Weird Sisters" is, the three fates or NORNS the three fates or Norns from the no, no, no, no. Before that big, it comes from the Germanic mythology. The NORNS the three sisters, the three fates, it's the goddesses who controlled human destiny. They were portrayed later as frightening or odd in appearance in Macbeth.

That's where it became a little bit, like the more towards the weird that we think of as weird.

[00:04:37] Matt: Well, because they described also as witches. Right,

[00:04:40] Fawn: right. Just like the three NORNS. Right. But isn't it interesting how you take anything good that women do, and then you turn them into evil, like even witch, a, witch is someone like an apothecary kind of a person, like a person who works with herbs, who is a healer, you know, who works in [00:05:00] the ethereal realm, who's an herbalist and they became these ugly green wort covered pointy hatted, evil women.

Right. You know, it's interesting once again, how women are put down in society century upon century. Right. So they became frightening in appearance. Like in Macbeth, especially in the 18th and 19th century productions of it, of Macbeth, which led to the, how do you pronounce this word?

Adjectival adjectival meaning the adjective basically, uh, of odd, odd looking uncanny, like around 1815, and then, around 18, 20 weird was associated with odd, strange disturbingly different. So from 1820 on that's when weird, shifted

[00:05:53] Matt: uncomfortable, how they put, uh, disturbing and different, like, because you are [00:06:00] different, it must by definition be disturbing.

It's kind of uncomfortable.

[00:06:04] Fawn: Right? Exactly. And, and that's the problem we have right now with cultures with different races, you know, with people. Yeah. Who've been in history like Hitler, be afraid of whatever is different. They're evil. Right, right. That's not what I'm saying, but that's what they said.

Let's, let's make it clear. So I didn't know what a NORN was. The three NORNS what NORNS

means in Norse mythology. It means smart people.

[00:06:35] Matt: Oh, that's interesting. Cause there was only three of them.

[00:06:37] Fawn: Well, I think the archetype was the three, the three women.

Right. And you, you taught me this. So there were three, three where they witches.

[00:06:48] Matt: Well, let's be careful because that also then stems from the Greek and the Greek tradition and the Norse tradition are different.

[00:06:55] Fawn: You were talking about the nor the NORNS [00:07:00] oh, this is going too slow. The

[00:07:01] Matt: NORNS were three women and they represented an understanding of the past, the present and the future.

[00:07:07] Fawn: And you told me one spun thread now we're in Greek.

[00:07:11] Matt: That's Greek.

[00:07:12] Fawn: That's Greek. Oh, it's good. So do you want to explain the three?

[00:07:18] Matt: So it's Norris mythology is a weird critter and I love mythology by the way. So sorry. I digress, but the NORNS bear a remarkable similarity to what the Greeks described as the fates and the fates described by Homer.

And I think they ended up spinning their way into plays, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. The Greeks throw all the pageantry on it. I think the Norns tend to streamline and keep things simple and yet very confusing. Whereas the Greeks build a, a whole mythology around it because there, there are three sisters and yes.

Okay. So fine in the NORNS, in the NORNS they're past, present and future. Okay, cool. [00:08:00] I think I can work with that. But then in Greek mythology, it's like, well, okay, so one like spins thread. Okay, fine. But a thread is a life. The second one measures the threads. So the longer the thread, I guess, the longer you live and the last one cuts the thread.

So that dictates that's the absolute limit to how long you're going to live, I believe so. Wow. That's kind of a, and so I have to assume. I wouldn't go talk to these people who can measure out my life and cut it short because if I piss them off

[00:08:35] Fawn: well, it's interesting because your or you, or they are assuming this is an external force where I see it as an internal force.

Like, um, oh, I'm forgetting the name for it, but it's a life force. It's a, , it's a cell, it's a molecular thing that if you have enough life force in you, and you can change it by breath work [00:09:00] in yoga, but it's kind of like, um, it's a biology thing where it's, it's compared to, it's similar to, if you have shoelaces, you know, the, the plastic part at the end of the shoelace that keeps it from getting out of control or the threads coming out, that plasticy tip, it's referred to as something like that.

You can change that. But if you don't put intention upon it, if you don't have proper life force in you, that that gets smaller and smaller much like the threads. And that is actually what determines how long your lifespan is that if you have enough life force in you and you can change it, by the way; that part of the shoelace thingy, the longer it gets the longer your lifespan gets. So I don't know. You can think of these three women as an external force or an internal one.

[00:09:59] Matt: Okay. Gotcha. [00:10:00] But anyways, let's spin this back. My goodness. We are, it feels like we're very much

[00:10:04] Fawn: off time. Well, don't we always go roundabout, but it's all related.

We'll bring it back. Don't worry folks. I wonder how many people, how many of you are listening on double speed? I wonder sometimes I know we talk a little slow, cause I know when I listened to podcasts, I'm on double speed. And if I could coach go triple, I would go triple. So if I

[00:10:24] Matt: talk really fast, so I have no idea what I'm talking about.

[00:10:27] Fawn: So go ahead. Go ahead. Come on. I don't want people to go on second speed.

[00:10:31] Matt: Go. I totally get it. So how do we, how do we, how do we deal with, how does this tie into friendship?

[00:10:39] Fawn: Yeah. Okay. So you want to get into friendships tight, tight

[00:10:42] Matt: around baby. Oh my goodness. So who are these people? And are they an external force? Are they an internal force? Are they people that you meet along the way? Are they your friends? How does, how is your fate get tied up in friendship? I

[00:10:55] Fawn: have so many examples and some are friends and some are people I never [00:11:00] saw. Their faces are enemies and some are enemies, but in the end, they're all friends. Oh dear. Well, I've had lots of enemies who put me on the right path.

And then I started tripping out on it, thinking, wow, maybe on another realm, we made a contract with one another for this person to be a total jerk to me, for me to experience what I experienced, like they showed, they were kind enough to show their UGLY. But in fact, perhaps on a spiritual level, we are friends and they agreed to meet me on this path to have a certain experience occur.

Wow. You never thought about that? I haven't thought about that.

[00:11:43] Matt: Sometimes I was a kid, I think about things like that, but I don't think about things as far as like, we plan this all out, you know, somebody might just be having a bad day or somebody might be, I think

[00:11:53] Fawn: everything is planned out. I

[00:11:55] Matt: believe in a certain, I like to hold onto a certain sense of a [00:12:00] lack of maliciousness in most people.

Well,

[00:12:02] Fawn: it, but that's just what I'm saying though. If you step far, far away from it, nothing is malicious. There's no good or bad. We've talked about this before. Is it good? Is it bad? Don't know.

[00:12:13] Matt: Well, we

[00:12:14] Fawn: certainly have, but Matt just gave me a crazy, like, by the way eyebrowse up

[00:12:19] Matt: and down scenarios where I can't see any good happening.

So there you go. So anyways, where are we going? So give us an example of somebody. Oh, do you want me to start affected your

[00:12:30] Fawn: fate? Someone who changed my destiny?

[00:12:32] Matt: A weird person who affected your fate?

[00:12:34] Fawn: A weird friend. All right. Let's call him a friend. Well, I mean the first person I can think of, I've already talked about on this show, two people I have talked about on this show you know, I had to go back to the beginning, like the youngest I can remember a friend changing my path. It feels weird because I don't want to talk about the first one and have that be like, okay, this was the most important one.

I'm just remembering the [00:13:00] first. When I can remember as a child. I've talked about her before. She was called the witch. When I was in first grade. I attended first grade in two different countries. I was in the middle east. It was a scary time, like there was revolution about to happen. Things were bad, but it wasn't bad yet. It was bad from the perspective of the forseers who are noticing what's happening politically. Anyway. So I stopped talking. I wouldn't speak and it was first grade.

I was just quiet and we had come from the United States. So we were known as the Americans, I was known as the American. So in first grade, in the middle east, it was just weird. It was scary. And I was on my own because of course you all know the story, my family wasn't very, um, involved or caring.

So like I did everything on my own. I like checked myself into school. Like maybe the parents. [00:14:00] Um, yeah.

[00:14:01] Matt: I can just see you, like walking up, taking a look there's the school. And there's like the big doors and you go in the office and you're like, I'm ready for school. Yeah.

[00:14:09] Fawn: And they were like, what are you doing here?

We tore up your records because I was American. They weren't. Oh, no, America was great. Oh my God. When I came in LA I had the best teacher. I was thinking

[00:14:20] Matt: in the positive way.

[00:14:22] Fawn: Well, I'm just referring to the trauma, like I had to go. And it was a totally different regime that was starting. And I was in an English school like English, like UK and things were changing.

So they were, it was just weird and uncomfortable. And also uncomfortable enough when you go from one country to another like major culture shock. So here I am. There was this one girl who was referred to as the witch. She was very, very, very skinny and her skin was almost translucent. So you could see her veins, especially in her hands, like her hands look like she was a hundred years old [00:15:00] and they made fun of her.

I was very spunky. I don't know if I've talked to you guys about the guy I beat up. During recess because he would not keep his hands off me. I mean, we're in first grade he would kiss me and it was like getting kissed by a St. Bernard with all the slobber on your face.

And it would happen in class. And I would raise my hand and tell the teacher and the teacher would say, oh, that's so cute. And I remember looking at her, cause I had complained a few times and her response was always the same: "oh, how cute. "And I remember it was in the middle of class. I raised my hand. I said, I need him off of me.

I don't want to sit next to him. And he keeps kissing me. I don't want that. And so the whole class heard it and she was like, oh, that's so cute. And I remember slowly putting my hand down and just staring at her. And that's when I started scaring myself. Cause I was like, [00:16:00] okay, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands.

And come recess. I pummeled this kid. but anyway, so it was that kind of, oh, how did I end up talking about this?

[00:16:12] Matt: I don't know. You were talking about your friend. Oh,

[00:16:14] Fawn: okay. Oh yeah. I didn't take any guff from anybody. Like I tried to obey the rules, but if I wasn't helped, I took matters into my own hands.

So there's this girl who was called the witch. I don't recall her speaking either. I was new to school we became friends. We spotted each other from across the school yard. We locked arms. I talk about this all the time and we would walk arm in arm and it was like the red sea parting of all the bullies and all these stupid kids who said horrible things to her about her.

And no one, no one bothered us, nobody. [00:17:00] And I, and I, I like to think because they knew I would, I would, I would, I would beat them up and I was tiny myself. Like we were, I wasn't skinny like her, but I was small. You know what I mean? Like a petite little girl, but, um, we were a force to be reckoned with man.

And so she, she provided destiny for me because now that I think about it all these years later, Whenever I talk about friendship and the true feeling of it. I think of her and I think about us locking arms and walking, going on strolls through the yard, at recess and lunchtime and before school and that bond, that I've felt that, that sense of security, that sense of power that you have with a friend that for me, was one of the weird friend moments, right?

Because it, it was truly magical. It was truly, if you think about it, [00:18:00] fortunate destiny filled because now that's all I talk about. That's my whole mission is the friendship, the bond. And I always go back to her. So she was one she's one of my weird friends. But I have a list. I have a huge list of people. Why don't you go next?

[00:18:19] Matt: So mine aren't nearly as quote unquote mystical, but, uh, yeah, one of them was actually one of my teachers, in high school. She is the one who mentioned what then became the college and the university ended up attending. And it's bizarre because, sometimes people just ACE in an, in and out.

And then this was the second class I had had with her. And I was finally like, I had a class with her in ninth grade and then class with her in like 12th grade, which is both ends of , high school. And actually, yeah, it was probably, 12th grade. She knew me by the time she had me the second time, like she knew who I was.

And she mentioned again, she mentioned the college I ended up going to, and she mentioned this as being a good [00:19:00] school and then something we should look into and the whole bit, and it almost felt like she was addressing me personally because I'm the only student from my grade who went to that school because it was like eight hours away, et cetera, et cetera, but, go banana slugs.

, but what's so interesting then about this whole, sometimes people just kind of lands in and out is literally two years later. No, I think it was three years later. The younger brother of, one of my friends in high school, I graduated from, from high school and I went to his graduation ceremony cause I knew him and you know, that's cool.

And I ran into her again. I ran into that teacher didn't even remember me. It was a weird world.

Completely obviously changed the trajectory, certainly, the university you go to certainly puts you in an interesting place. That's right.

[00:19:46] Fawn: Right. Well, if you're going to talk teachers, I have, I have two teachers. I have like maybe three actually, but I'll talk about two similar time period.

For me it was high school. Did you have school counselors that were therapists [00:20:00] like psychologists or

[00:20:01] Matt: psychotherapists? Not that I ever talked to her, but I

[00:20:04] Fawn: think mine was Ms. MacLennan. I don't remember exactly, but she saved my life because I was having trouble. Of course, like you all know with my family.

One day I showed up to school and I couldn't stop crying. I had clutched every bit of any photography project, equipment I had purchased on my own. I was clutching onto them because it was just kind of like a violent night before with family. And I was told you turn in every photography, anything you have, you're never to do photography, you're not allowed to work. You're just going to go to school and come home . That's it like after a violent night, like me not violent, them being violent. It was horrible. Right. But anyway, so, um, I just pulled all my stuff together and I was always working from even before the legal age of [00:21:00] working.

I was always like an entrepreneur and I was trying to save money actually for college, for myself, even at age 11. And so everything that I had acquired on my own, I just grabbed and I went to school and I, and then I just broke down into tears and I couldn't stop crying. And, um, wow, sorry. She's

[00:21:21] Matt: getting emotional.

[00:21:23] Fawn: So what happened was somehow I ended up in the office before school and I guess all the teachers noticed. So what made me go to the office? I don't know. I don't remember what, um, and our school was really strict. In LA we had lockdowns. We we're not allowed in between classes to be walking anywhere. You would be in big trouble if you were caught without a hall pass.

Right. Did you have that?

[00:21:48] Matt: We were, we were a closed campus, so yeah. And

[00:21:51] Fawn: again, so like nobody was allowed to walk freely anywhere. You had to have either someone like a teacher with you or [00:22:00] you had to have a pass. And I remember that day, all the teachers let me wander around campus. Like nobody like said boo, me.

And I remember going to the bleachers and crying. I was like crying the whole time. I was just like walking around and I remember one of my favorite teachers back then, the photography teacher. It was like, he that's the day he became a jerk to me. Cause I went to him. To talk. Right. And he's like, I don't know what to do with you fawn.

And I'm like, I looked at him, I'm like, wow, I guess I know that I know where you stand. Thanks. Right. And I really looked up to him. And so the two teachers that totally ended up changing my destiny or putting me on the path was the school psychologist who I was afraid of. Cause I thought, if you saw back then I had the mentality. Like if you go to a therapist, you must be crazy. And I remember someone said, you should go see Ms. McClennan [00:23:00] and I said, no, I am not crazy. I don't need to. And they're like, okay. Okay. Whatever. And then I ended up walking to her office a couple hours later and I, she knew like she was dealing with some other kid and she excused the kid and had me sit down instead in her office.

I thought she was going to say, you know, we're going to bring your parents in here. We're going to make things work out. So I told her what happened and she did the opposite. She was like, we got to help you. You got to get away from these people.

That was the first therapist I had. And I had many after that, who said, you got to get away from these people. And, um, so she was the one who handed me this, this book, this catalog of this school, I ended up attending. The cover of this catalog was an eye, and I was obsessed with photographing eyes.

And I was [00:24:00] obsessed with a particular thing that you did back then in photography, where you change the emulsion of the film by drastically changing the temperature of how you're processing the film, so it breaks the emulsion and creates a process that's called reticulation. And now you can do it in Photoshop in a second, but it, it created this pixelated, but it wasn't pixels.

It was like puzzle pieces in a way of an image. And it, it, it, it separates them. It's a, it's a special technique. Like if you see it you'll know it. And so that was the cover was articulated eye, uh, and she didn't know, she didn't know that about my photography, but she hands me this book, she goes, I have a feeling this place would be good for you.

And I looked at the cover and it was that image. And I was like, that's the place for me? I didn't even open the book. Right. And that's where I ended up going to school.

The other [00:25:00] one that day was Mr. Lomeli, Mr. Lomeli was the drama teacher. And he always told me that I should pursue being an actor because I, he called it it, I have it.

He described people as you have it. If you can see and recognize someone by their back in a crowd. If someone's in a crowd and you're only seeing their backs, if you can recognize that person from just looking at them from behind that person has it. And it's not a physical thing. It's a magnetic energy thing. Like they have a presence about them.

And so he would always say that about me. And I remember always being backstage and that's where I would go cry. Cause it was dark and no one else was there and he would have like the best talks with me, like giving such coaching. Like you're a great person. You're so talented. Don't listen to these people.

So he was one, [00:26:00] sorry, I'm crying. Now you go ahead. Oh my goodness.

[00:26:03] Matt: Oh my goodness. So this one's slightly earlier for me and I got, it feels like mine are so small next to yours, but here we are. Um, but uh, uh, yeah, little shout out to Tom, his wife Wynn and their little boy Wesley, who is God, not a little boy anymore.

He was an infant. So Tom and Gwen, Tom was a program director at the YMCA Los Cerritos YMCAs shout out. And Gwen was. Sweet. And they had, they had a little boy and he was probably in the neighborhood of six to nine months. And I called them little Wesley headbanger because I'm heavy metal dude. And this was like, I was like, you know, 16, 17, I, you can't tell me what to do.

Ended up. I was with the Williams, which I guess is credit to my sister who was always involved with my MCA and Tom and Gwen [00:27:00] took me in practically, like he was in charge of everything and Gwen was just super sweet. And like, I liked hanging out in the arts and crafts hut because yeah, I liked hanging out in the arts, arts and crafts side.

I won't say that the person running the arts and crafts hut was extremely attractive, but we could say that, uh, and Gwen came in and we were hanging out. We were talking, I was the quote unquote counselor in charge of all the students, all the, like all the kids who were there, which is a weird world, but I'm still so, oh, but like.

They took me in and they were like , just normal. And like, I could see, first of all, the love that they had and I could see the love they had for their son, like love for, they had for each other. And they started embracing me with that. And , it really gave me pause because in my world it was like me and like three or four other people against the whole flipping world that just wanted to tell me how to be, how to see, how to, how to go. And they just, they [00:28:00] saw me, they accepted me and we all moved on and you know, it was just, it was just nice. And it was just simple and it doesn't have to weird. Doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be complicated, but you can feel the shift. You can feel like things starting to change. And that's when I think things started to change and I started to be more like, you know what, I'm just going to show who I am and if you don't like it , that's what it is, not, I'm just going to be angry. And I'm just, you're just going to get this red wall every time you try and even look at me. So you're going to be like afraid or you're not going to want to. And it really, it really tweaked it for me. And that was at the beginning of the tweak that happened when I started my senior year in high school, which is where I really just mellowed out, quote, unquote, mellowed out.

I mean, I wouldn't necessarily have said yes, you absolutely mellowed out on everything. I certainly didn't. I was still very, very angry at a [00:29:00] lot of things, but , that was the beginning of the quote unquote softening and the beginning of the, let your freak flag fly, and who cares as opposed to let your fleet fried, let your flee fly low.

Um, let your freak flag fly and if anybody has anything to say about it, then it's going to be, it's going to be conflict. And that's that, that, that kind of represented an important shift for

me.

[00:29:28] Fawn: And it's interesting the way you're talking about that, I can now see the series of events that occurred and it led you to Santa Cruz.

It led you to Aikido,

[00:29:38] Matt: well, Santa Cruz definitely led me to Aikido cause Aikido was hugely popular there. I didn't study it there, but

[00:29:43] Fawn: it was hugely popular. I think that started you on the softening path.

[00:29:48] Matt: Yes. Yes. And it's it's Tom it's, Gwen cram and their son, little Wesley little Wesley

headbanger.

[00:29:56] Fawn: So speaking, we have events like the whole [00:30:00] train of events. We were talking about evil people. I was just going to give you another weird friend example, which is Holly for me, but what led me to Holly was a result of an evil person. I was a photographer. Back then, I really was into traveling to far, far away places, places that were very hard to get to, I had quit Aveda, so I wasn't a corporate photographer anymore, and I was burnt out. So I was a barista. I was like, no, it's to this, I'd rather serve coffee and then do my own projects somehow. And so I started to fund my own projects and do my own thing. And some of them are really expensive. I'm sorry. But like, especially back then, I was using film.

It was expensive just to take one shot is expensive. Right. And so I ended up connecting with this famous photographer. We [00:31:00] ended up just connecting over the phone, over email and phone, and we decided to share , the expenses of going on a photo shoot, where we would each do our own separate photo shoots, but we would share the car and we would share, you know, you always need a guide, especially when you're going out in the Bush, someone to translate from, from tribe to tribe.

Right. And also

[00:31:23] Matt: physical protection. Right?

[00:31:24] Fawn: Yeah. I mean, you, you and there are so many laws that you are not aware of, the laws in between tribes, the laws of that particular country in that area, who, especially if it's an area that is prone to violence and war, same thing, right. Violence and war.

But so we decided to split it and this, this should have been clue. Big clue for me was why is this famous photographer talking to a young woman and wanting to split expenses? He had the backing of so many different corporations for every shoot he went on [00:32:00] and I'm a barista paying exactly.

Half of everything where we're paying for. Right. But I was young. I was a young kid and I didn't, I don't know. I just, that should have been a big clue right there. Big giveaway of this. Guy's not. Okay. So anyway, this guy, now that I have some experience in some years, looking back on it, understanding what really happened, this guy, as soon as he saw me, I remember I was waiting for him at the airport and ADIs Addis Ababa.

And as soon as he saw me, it was the first time he had seen me. He always heard my voice. As soon as he saw me, I could tell, like he just, his jaw dropped. Like he was so disappointed. You know, I think he was expecting a tall blonde. Blonde dyed blonde, blonde haired, blue eyed woman with big boobs and all this.

Right. And instead he got me, there's like brown [00:33:00] skin, petite, long black hair, you know, ethnic woman. Right. That w when my friends would always say Fawn, when you look at you, you know, there's no chance in hell that they would get laid. Do you know what I mean? Like, well, I'm sorry, but that's, that was, I w I was always like, why do these kinds of people have that reaction about me?

Like, am I not attractive? Not that that, that I want them to be attracted to me, but I'm like, what is that? Look that they give me. And one of my friends, like who was always a truth teller, like sometimes it would totally hurt your feelings, but she flat out said, because when they look at you, they know that you're not going to be, uh, uh, a play thing.

Do you know what I mean? I will have none of that. Right. So anyway, so this whole trip, he would try to sabotage me every step of the way he even tried to poison me. And I got really [00:34:00] sick, really, really sick where I couldn't get out of bed. I think I briefly mentioned this before on another episode. So it was horrible, but because of him, a couple of years later, I was thinking about taking a photography lecture that was happening in New Mexico.

It was Santa Fe. It was in Santa Fe where all the artists would always meet. Right. I had mixed feelings. I'm like, oh, I don't know if I should go. I can't really stand being around other photographers. They're so egotistical and like, Ugh. And so I remember a friend said, you should go.

I think it's destiny. And as soon as she said that, I'm like, I agree with you. I don't know why. So I go. Whenever I would go to these things, I would dress up. Even in art school, I dressed up, but I dressed up because I had a job right after I worked in retail and I had to wear pantyhose and pencil skirts and blazers and, you know,pumps.

I dressed the same when [00:35:00] I would go to show my portfolio, or if I would go to events like this, like lectures and stuff, everyone else is in ripped jeans, artistic. Yeah. So I'm sitting there with my briefcase, which had my portfolio in it, by the way I carried a briefcase. And because I was, this was business for me.

I realized that a certain point, no matter what you do, it's business. Right. And you can treat that business with total love and creativity. It's still business. So for me to take photographs of you, it's not about me. It's about making you look good. It's about your business thriving, because I photographed your business in such a way I'm here to provide you with something.

Right. And so, um, I'm sitting there and we don't know who the lectures are going to be, or I certainly didn't and I'm sitting there and I'm in front row, second row actually. But like upfront, like frontline. Ready for whoever's about to speak, ready to take notes, so excited .And who should come on stage, but this fool, [00:36:00] this evil photographer. Last time I saw him, he was trying to bail on a major bill. , we went to a restaurant in the hotel and he ate and ate and ate, and then just left me with a bill. And I was like, nuts enough. And I remember telling the manager, he didn't pay the bill. Right. And so he got tracked down and they forced him to pay.

But anyway, but that was the last time I saw him and here he is onstage and everybody's loving him like, Ooh, is this famous guy? And I'm like, oh my God, if you guys only knew what this guy does behind the scenes, like this guy is disgusting. Like the way he treats the environment, the way he treats people just to get a shot.

Like it was ridiculous how many times you almost got us killed out there? I'm like, I'm talking about AK47s being pointed at my tumble. Like just, he didn't care. He did not care. Right.[00:37:00] And yet he was speaking, like he was so loving of the environment. And so loving of all these cultures, I mean, so behind me, so here's where my weird friends come through behind me.

I didn't know anyone in this auditorium. And I started to very slowly put my stuff away, put my notepad away. Cause I wanted to get the hell out of there. Of course I did not want to be there. And all of a sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder. I don't know this guy. His name was Alex. I found out later. , he gives me this handwritten note.

Any, he said, don't leave. There's love for you here. I'm like who the hell? What? Um, anyway, I kept the note for years. I think I still have it somewhere, but I, I, I still left. Right. I left. I'm like nuts to [00:38:00] this and I guess the guy followed me, the guy behind me and I wandered around for a little bit to walk around.

Cause I'm like, what am I going to do? I just was so like shaky and emotional, I was like, I can't believe this. I grabbed my briefcase and I was headed out and I was walking across this dirt, like yard, typical Santa Fe, New Mexico scene. Right? Like in this Adobe place leaving and, and then I hear someone say, is that your portfolio talking about my briefcase? Is that your portfolio? And I kind of paused, but I didn't turn back. I kept walking, excuse me, excuse me. Is that your portfolio? And I turn around and it's the guy. He was like, can I see it please? I'm like, I was just headed out. He's like, please can I see her work?

I'm like, okay. So we're sitting outside, I'm standing and [00:39:00] he's li he's turning the pages of my book. Right. And with each page he keeps yelling, Holly, oh my God, Holly, Holly, come here. And I'm like, who is Holly? I didn't see anybody else around. So along comes Holly,

and so they started looking at my work and they're like, why are you leaving? I briefly told them the story. They're like, well, where are you going to go? I'm like, I think I'm going to go to a restaurant they're like, well, we'll come with you.

And so we went to this restaurant and I told them the whole story of what had happened. And so anyway, um, and they were like, where are you from? I asked them where they were from. I told them I was from Santa Monica and it turned out that Holly was from Texas, but moving to Santa Barbara, I'm like, oh my God.

I go to Santa Barbara all the time. That's my spirit zone. That's where I, I go to totally connect and get answers. So if you need anything, I can help you. Like, that's my territory. It turned out. She actually went to [00:40:00] school in Santa Barbara for a photography. And so anyway, so we became friends and it was because of Holly stepping into my life that eventually led me to you, Matt, because all my friends in Santa Monica were always telling me I should study Aikido

and I was like, no, I like the mixed martial arts. I like the chopping and the hitting and you know, and Aikido looks so fake to me. No, thank you. These were expert martial artists by the way. And they were like, Fawn, you have no idea what you're talking about. You should study Aikido

I'm like, Nope, Nope. I've seen the videos. They're so fake. Are you kidding me? Like the videos of O Sensei throwing all those big grizzly guys with a finger I'm like, please. So anyway. On our way to Santa Barbara, she stopped in Santa Monica to spend the night over at my studio.

We could hang out and I could show her the neighborhood and everything. And [00:41:00] so we, she, we would go back and forth and she would come stand on Santa Monica all the time. And it was when Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon was out. We went to see it we went to the parking lot to get into the car, to drive back.

And before we got into the car, we were just looking out at the sunset. We were on the rooftop of a parking structure, typical LA. And so she pulled this move on me. It was purely energetic. She did not touch me. And because we had seen crouching tiger because I was totally receptive

She pulled a maneuver and I looked at her I'm like, what the heck was that? What'd you just do? She goes, that's Aikido. I'm like, oh, it was a spiritual whirlwind thing. It was completely ethereal. Very weird. If you were going to describe some energy weird. I'm like, all right, I'm sold [00:42:00] fine.

She's like, I'm going to help you find a place. Okay. So she's the one who found the school where you were at Matt. So I'm sorry. Long winded story. I'm so sorry guys, but weirdness led me to you, honey.

[00:42:15] Matt: And there you go. Well, I have, and I think maybe I've talked about this before, but I have a story where I got to be the fate.

And change the trajectory of someone's life.

[00:42:23] Fawn: What happened?

[00:42:24] Matt: Check me out my best friend in high school, Vince God bless Vince. We were like peas and carrots. We were like besties. We were like us against the flipping world for awhile. And then obviously Dave came and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But anyways, so in typical, I suppose person, you know, people, fashion Vince decided he either A, wanted to be a heavy metal drummer or be wanted to B, a

[00:42:49] Fawn: cop.

He knew back then he wanted to be a cop. Well,

[00:42:53] Matt: it was always kind of in his spear,

[00:42:56] Fawn: what a weird, like weird thing,

[00:42:59] Matt: [00:43:00] zing completely different. Right. , anyways, he told me, Hey, yeah, there's Tryouts there's whatever you want to call it.

There's testing to become a, , orange county sheriff and it starts on this day. And so I said, Vince, let's do it. You and me let's see how it goes.

[00:43:15] Fawn: You mean you were going to do.

[00:43:17] Matt: We train for the PT, the physical test. We, I took the physical test with him where you have to like, carry a body for so many yards.

We had to run 1600 yards and you had to sprint and you had to, I don't even remember what else you had to do. I think you had to climb a wall. I think, I don't know who knows this was, this was an interesting amount of time ago, but I did that with him. And then I went to the next level where you actually took a written test just to see if , A, new English and B were reasonably, you know, had your high school equivalency basically.

Yeah. And I took that with him. So I was on my way to becoming a sheriff, which is interesting. Cause welcome to the fates. Right. But then I stepped away. Then I said, you know what, I'm done. [00:44:00] And he continued. And because of that, that made him a special Sheriff's officer, which made him a bus cop, went to, went to the academy and everything.

And that was the beginning.

[00:44:12] Fawn: I have a whole list of people that have totally been there.

Like I have one I never even saw. I was at a bookstore, the Bodhi tree. Do you guys remember the Bodhi tree? in LA? The Bodhi tree. You always talk about it, but you will never went, you went there with me on Melrose, if you say, so you guys, the Bodhi tree was amazing.

All, all kinds of books, mostly spiritual books, weird books. So I was there one day looking for her help. I was looking for some book to turn to for comfort. I sat on the ground looking at the shelf in front of me trying to figure out which one of these books should I pull out.

There were so many of them, of course. And then all of a sudden. [00:45:00] This hand comes like inches by my face and goes in very gently because it was a loving energy. It was totally loving, very thoughtfully, very gracefully, very respectfully, very close to me, goes and takes out a book pauses on this one book and then slides it out.

And then the hand motions like this one, I didn't even look to see who this person was. I just took the book and I opened it. I bought it. I have it to this day. All these years later, that book, one day ended up, on my shelf at my house in Seattle, I had just, moved to Seattle one of my best friends, Daphne, who I always talk about, comes over for the first time to my house, goes to my bookshelf, goes straight to this book.

And said, oh my God, that's my acupuncturist. That's my doctor. [00:46:00] That's his, that's his dad. That's his dad. So like a lineage of this whole family of really talented acupuncturists. But this is like, you you've seen the, you, you know, the book I'm talking about it. It's super thick, the IChing one. That created more of a bond with my friend Daphne,

and that book to this day is a weird one of those weird things and it's, but talk about metaphysical, talk about, you know, fate and destiny and all that. That's what this whole book is about. Right? The book of changes. And what did we say? One of the meetings was wasn't it to become, to change, to turn to.

The spirit of becoming is what weird means. This is the book of changes. That was another weird friend, but I never saw this person.

[00:46:54] Matt: Interesting.

[00:46:55] Fawn: Your turn.

I

[00:46:56] Matt: have nothing to match the, um, [00:47:00] well-thought out that you've

[00:47:01] Fawn: got, listen, this is not well thought. Well, it is well thought out because I always think about how people affect me. And every time I see someone I'm like, wow, because I do believe everything is a pre-planned meeting. Every person I walk by, every person that my eyes see, I feel like that was an assigned meeting. Every person on my path, we plan this, right. We plan to meet, even if it's just a walk by; like our energetic fields combining for a second, even. So I'm sure there's a lot, but it's not, like I thought about this before the show, I'm just remembering, these are the people and I was just started to jot down some names and I do have a whole list in front of me, but yeah, it is well thought out because I always think about this.

Even the birth of our kids and like how profoundly it changed my destiny or put me on my true path. That was a designated meeting [00:48:00] for sure. Right.

I'm going to give you another example of a weird, a weird friend.

This is how I got involved in acupuncture I had moved to Santa Monica and that in, in our neighborhood. The apartment that I lived in. Before I totally fixed it up. It had no flooring. One day I'm just sitting on the ground and I noticed a spider on my leg.

I'm like, ah, and I flung it off. Right. But then we caught it and we were looking at the spider, my friend and I were looking at the spider and it had fangs. I've never seen a spider like that before. It wasn't big necessarily, but it had these fangs. Like, oh my God, what the heck is this? We looked it up and it was a recluse spider.

We took the spider out and put it in the dirt outside. Shortly after that, I developed this thing on my shoulder. That first it was like a tiny little dot. It was itchy and I scratched it and it started [00:49:00] to bleed and I didn't have health insurance back then. Um, you know, I was working as a barista, no money, very little money.

I couldn't afford to go to the doctor or anything, but this thing grew it was actually three dots, like a triangle. It grew to this, I don't know what would this be? Like five, five inches, five inches of it. It took up my whole shoulder, like round bony part of the shoulder right here.

Right. And it turned black and all the outskirts where these bumps that would bleed and the black part, if I scratched it a tiny bit would bleed. This happened for months, every day I had, like in the middle of the day, I would have a fever. I very little energy.

I just didn't feel good. One day when I was serving coffee, this guy walks in this weird guy. Weird is good, weird. The weird we're talking about. So he walks in and he's like, whoa, what happened [00:50:00] to your shoulder? I'm like, I don't know. I think it was a spider bite. I'm not sure. And he's like, do you do energy work?

I said, yeah, I do. He's like, do you protect yourself? I'm like, I do it all the time. So maybe not all the time do I think, okay forcefield around me protection. I don't know. Back then. I didn't, I didn't take it seriously enough. He's like that is a sign that you were pierced, your energetic field was pierced, and that you were infected, that, that wouldn't have happened to you if you were grounded.

Like if you had that protection field around you and you need to do that, when you're doing light work, I'm like, oh, okay. And so I ended up having coffee with this guy and he told me all about his work. He was an acupuncturist and he told me about dragon that's when I found out about the dragon energy and that he totally put me on the path of healing work.

That's [00:51:00] when I started to go to acupuncture and I went, they looked at me like these, these beautiful, elders from China where the teachers of this school shout out to Emperor's Clinic, Emperors College back then it was called, but you could go for like $20 and get a whole treatment herbs and everything, and they fixed you up.

I went in and I was getting scared. It was scary and they just looked at me, no big deal. And then they just went, boop, boop, boop. They put these needles in. They made it bleed. They put a suction cup on and like sucked out all, whatever was there. And I swear to you, I've felt , the fever leave from one side of my body and out the other.

And I was perfectly healthy when I walked out. That was my whole healing world, that whole world of alternative medicine, energetic medicine, all of that. It was because of this weird [00:52:00] friend who walked into the coffee shop. Changed everything. And now, you know, me, everything is like, I'd rather go to the acupuncturist first holistically, check me out, because a lot of things, the normal doctor doesn't even like, listen to me or like, know what's really going on, or I'll go to the doctor and then I'll go to the acupuncturist and they'll fix up whatever was what would happen from the regular doctor.

Because like, let's say they give me antibiotics and then I have all these other problems. Then I have to go to the acupuncturist so they can heal up heal, whatever happened from the effects of the drugs that they were giving me. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, so, so there you have it. I mean, seriously, it happens daily.

If there are people out there, I guarantee you, it's a weird experience. It's a weird friend to pay attention to. And you know what I mean now by weird. Right? Right. So that's it..

[00:52:57] Matt: Pay attention, weirdness comes. [00:53:00] Remember, and as you move forward, though, the weird friends who affect your trajectory and you know what, we'd love to hear some stories from you guys, email

[00:53:10] Fawn: us: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/ let us know what your stories are. We love you. Thank you so much for listening. And remember weird is good. Be well, bring back the weird, bring back the fate, the chance, the fortune, the destiny, having the power to control fate. That's what weird is. Don't be afraid.

We love you so much. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye. Bye.

The Weird Friend - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: hello. Hi everybody. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. And hello. Once again, the weird friend today's topic, the weird friend. Now don't freak out. I'm not disrespecting anybody, we're looking at the word weird and looking at the weird friends in our lives. Now it's not what you think. We're going to look at the adjective and at the etymology of weird

Weird is not what you think it is. Or maybe you do

strange peculiar disturbingly, different odd, right? No, this is not what this is. What you're looking for, this is not the droids. What are, what is it I'm looking

[00:00:51] Matt: for? Yeah, this is not your father's.

[00:00:56] Fawn: So the adjective comes from late middle English it [00:01:00] originally meant having the power to control destiny.

Then it became this, an earthy thing. It was a late millet. I can't talk today, late middle English originally meant having the power to control destiny. And it was used, especially in the " Weird Sisters" originally referring, to the fates later, the witches in shakespeare's Macbeth.

[00:01:27] Matt: And I think , that, that highlights just the Bard because there can only be one. And he's the guy, his, casting a shadow over overall, because he is regarded as the greatest fiction author of all time.

[00:01:42] Fawn: You mean Shakespeare or what I say? Well, he just said he, or Lord, or Lord Byron, whoever, whatever your belief is.

There are lots of people that believe it wasn't actually Shakespeare, but it was Byron

[00:01:54] Matt: whoever that guy was,

[00:01:56] Fawn: maybe it was a woman point. So [00:02:00] weird circa 14 hundreds. Right, right. I'm assuming when you, when you read stuff and it says circle 1400, it's. It's AD. Is it AD? Or are we an AD or BC?

[00:02:14] Matt: Our kids are like, there's like CE and stuff.

[00:02:17] Fawn: Things keep changing all these, you know what I blame you, you and the acronyms and like all these letters and things, just whatever. So a long time ago

[00:02:29] Matt: in a galaxy far, far

[00:02:29] Fawn: away, uh it's it's so weird means having power to control fate. And it goes from old English to Saxon. Is it the same as ISACs and the same as old English?

It's not all right.

[00:02:45] Matt: Oh my God. I'm not, I'm not a British historian. I watched far too much British TV and there's like the Anglos. There's the Saxons. There's the Anglo-Saxons there's the Scotts there's. [00:03:00] I mean, it's all over the place.

[00:03:02] Fawn: I have a half page of notes of where weird came from, from all these different cultures from all these different societies in the past.

Okay. And I don't want to get into every single one because I'll fall asleep myself. So I'll just say, I'll just say, they all say the same thing about weird. And so I'll just, I highlighted some of my notes. This is the meaning that came up for all of these cultures. Can I say cultures, right? Is it cultures?

You're probably safe saying that. Yes. Right. So fate chance, fortune destiny literally means that which comes, to turn, to wind to become, to turn to bend. What came up a lot was turning, becoming. And then the sense is uncanny supernatural developed from middle English use [00:04:00] of "Weird Sisters".

Now then"Weird Sisters" is, the three fates or NORNS the three fates or Norns from the no, no, no, no. Before that big, it comes from the Germanic mythology. The NORNS the three sisters, the three fates, it's the goddesses who controlled human destiny. They were portrayed later as frightening or odd in appearance in Macbeth.

That's where it became a little bit, like the more towards the weird that we think of as weird.

[00:04:37] Matt: Well, because they described also as witches. Right,

[00:04:40] Fawn: right. Just like the three NORNS. Right. But isn't it interesting how you take anything good that women do, and then you turn them into evil, like even witch, a, witch is someone like an apothecary kind of a person, like a person who works with herbs, who is a healer, you know, who works in [00:05:00] the ethereal realm, who's an herbalist and they became these ugly green wort covered pointy hatted, evil women.

Right. You know, it's interesting once again, how women are put down in society century upon century. Right. So they became frightening in appearance. Like in Macbeth, especially in the 18th and 19th century productions of it, of Macbeth, which led to the, how do you pronounce this word?

Adjectival adjectival meaning the adjective basically, uh, of odd, odd looking uncanny, like around 1815, and then, around 18, 20 weird was associated with odd, strange disturbingly different. So from 1820 on that's when weird, shifted

[00:05:53] Matt: uncomfortable, how they put, uh, disturbing and different, like, because you are [00:06:00] different, it must by definition be disturbing.

It's kind of uncomfortable.

[00:06:04] Fawn: Right? Exactly. And, and that's the problem we have right now with cultures with different races, you know, with people. Yeah. Who've been in history like Hitler, be afraid of whatever is different. They're evil. Right, right. That's not what I'm saying, but that's what they said.

Let's, let's make it clear. So I didn't know what a NORN was. The three NORNS what NORNS

means in Norse mythology. It means smart people.

[00:06:35] Matt: Oh, that's interesting. Cause there was only three of them.

[00:06:37] Fawn: Well, I think the archetype was the three, the three women.

Right. And you, you taught me this. So there were three, three where they witches.

[00:06:48] Matt: Well, let's be careful because that also then stems from the Greek and the Greek tradition and the Norse tradition are different.

[00:06:55] Fawn: You were talking about the nor the NORNS [00:07:00] oh, this is going too slow. The

[00:07:01] Matt: NORNS were three women and they represented an understanding of the past, the present and the future.

[00:07:07] Fawn: And you told me one spun thread now we're in Greek.

[00:07:11] Matt: That's Greek.

[00:07:12] Fawn: That's Greek. Oh, it's good. So do you want to explain the three?

[00:07:18] Matt: So it's Norris mythology is a weird critter and I love mythology by the way. So sorry. I digress, but the NORNS bear a remarkable similarity to what the Greeks described as the fates and the fates described by Homer.

And I think they ended up spinning their way into plays, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. The Greeks throw all the pageantry on it. I think the Norns tend to streamline and keep things simple and yet very confusing. Whereas the Greeks build a, a whole mythology around it because there, there are three sisters and yes.

Okay. So fine in the NORNS, in the NORNS they're past, present and future. Okay, cool. [00:08:00] I think I can work with that. But then in Greek mythology, it's like, well, okay, so one like spins thread. Okay, fine. But a thread is a life. The second one measures the threads. So the longer the thread, I guess, the longer you live and the last one cuts the thread.

So that dictates that's the absolute limit to how long you're going to live, I believe so. Wow. That's kind of a, and so I have to assume. I wouldn't go talk to these people who can measure out my life and cut it short because if I piss them off

[00:08:35] Fawn: well, it's interesting because your or you, or they are assuming this is an external force where I see it as an internal force.

Like, um, oh, I'm forgetting the name for it, but it's a life force. It's a, , it's a cell, it's a molecular thing that if you have enough life force in you, and you can change it by breath work [00:09:00] in yoga, but it's kind of like, um, it's a biology thing where it's, it's compared to, it's similar to, if you have shoelaces, you know, the, the plastic part at the end of the shoelace that keeps it from getting out of control or the threads coming out, that plasticy tip, it's referred to as something like that.

You can change that. But if you don't put intention upon it, if you don't have proper life force in you, that that gets smaller and smaller much like the threads. And that is actually what determines how long your lifespan is that if you have enough life force in you and you can change it, by the way; that part of the shoelace thingy, the longer it gets the longer your lifespan gets. So I don't know. You can think of these three women as an external force or an internal one.

[00:09:59] Matt: Okay. Gotcha. [00:10:00] But anyways, let's spin this back. My goodness. We are, it feels like we're very much

[00:10:04] Fawn: off time. Well, don't we always go roundabout, but it's all related.

We'll bring it back. Don't worry folks. I wonder how many people, how many of you are listening on double speed? I wonder sometimes I know we talk a little slow, cause I know when I listened to podcasts, I'm on double speed. And if I could coach go triple, I would go triple. So if I

[00:10:24] Matt: talk really fast, so I have no idea what I'm talking about.

[00:10:27] Fawn: So go ahead. Go ahead. Come on. I don't want people to go on second speed.

[00:10:31] Matt: Go. I totally get it. So how do we, how do we, how do we deal with, how does this tie into friendship?

[00:10:39] Fawn: Yeah. Okay. So you want to get into friendships tight, tight

[00:10:42] Matt: around baby. Oh my goodness. So who are these people? And are they an external force? Are they an internal force? Are they people that you meet along the way? Are they your friends? How does, how is your fate get tied up in friendship? I

[00:10:55] Fawn: have so many examples and some are friends and some are people I never [00:11:00] saw. Their faces are enemies and some are enemies, but in the end, they're all friends. Oh dear. Well, I've had lots of enemies who put me on the right path.

And then I started tripping out on it, thinking, wow, maybe on another realm, we made a contract with one another for this person to be a total jerk to me, for me to experience what I experienced, like they showed, they were kind enough to show their UGLY. But in fact, perhaps on a spiritual level, we are friends and they agreed to meet me on this path to have a certain experience occur.

Wow. You never thought about that? I haven't thought about that.

[00:11:43] Matt: Sometimes I was a kid, I think about things like that, but I don't think about things as far as like, we plan this all out, you know, somebody might just be having a bad day or somebody might be, I think

[00:11:53] Fawn: everything is planned out. I

[00:11:55] Matt: believe in a certain, I like to hold onto a certain sense of a [00:12:00] lack of maliciousness in most people.

Well,

[00:12:02] Fawn: it, but that's just what I'm saying though. If you step far, far away from it, nothing is malicious. There's no good or bad. We've talked about this before. Is it good? Is it bad? Don't know.

[00:12:13] Matt: Well, we

[00:12:14] Fawn: certainly have, but Matt just gave me a crazy, like, by the way eyebrowse up

[00:12:19] Matt: and down scenarios where I can't see any good happening.

So there you go. So anyways, where are we going? So give us an example of somebody. Oh, do you want me to start affected your

[00:12:30] Fawn: fate? Someone who changed my destiny?

[00:12:32] Matt: A weird person who affected your fate?

[00:12:34] Fawn: A weird friend. All right. Let's call him a friend. Well, I mean the first person I can think of, I've already talked about on this show, two people I have talked about on this show you know, I had to go back to the beginning, like the youngest I can remember a friend changing my path. It feels weird because I don't want to talk about the first one and have that be like, okay, this was the most important one.

I'm just remembering the [00:13:00] first. When I can remember as a child. I've talked about her before. She was called the witch. When I was in first grade. I attended first grade in two different countries. I was in the middle east. It was a scary time, like there was revolution about to happen. Things were bad, but it wasn't bad yet. It was bad from the perspective of the forseers who are noticing what's happening politically. Anyway. So I stopped talking. I wouldn't speak and it was first grade.

I was just quiet and we had come from the United States. So we were known as the Americans, I was known as the American. So in first grade, in the middle east, it was just weird. It was scary. And I was on my own because of course you all know the story, my family wasn't very, um, involved or caring.

So like I did everything on my own. I like checked myself into school. Like maybe the parents. [00:14:00] Um, yeah.

[00:14:01] Matt: I can just see you, like walking up, taking a look there's the school. And there's like the big doors and you go in the office and you're like, I'm ready for school. Yeah.

[00:14:09] Fawn: And they were like, what are you doing here?

We tore up your records because I was American. They weren't. Oh, no, America was great. Oh my God. When I came in LA I had the best teacher. I was thinking

[00:14:20] Matt: in the positive way.

[00:14:22] Fawn: Well, I'm just referring to the trauma, like I had to go. And it was a totally different regime that was starting. And I was in an English school like English, like UK and things were changing.

So they were, it was just weird and uncomfortable. And also uncomfortable enough when you go from one country to another like major culture shock. So here I am. There was this one girl who was referred to as the witch. She was very, very, very skinny and her skin was almost translucent. So you could see her veins, especially in her hands, like her hands look like she was a hundred years old [00:15:00] and they made fun of her.

I was very spunky. I don't know if I've talked to you guys about the guy I beat up. During recess because he would not keep his hands off me. I mean, we're in first grade he would kiss me and it was like getting kissed by a St. Bernard with all the slobber on your face.

And it would happen in class. And I would raise my hand and tell the teacher and the teacher would say, oh, that's so cute. And I remember looking at her, cause I had complained a few times and her response was always the same: "oh, how cute. "And I remember it was in the middle of class. I raised my hand. I said, I need him off of me.

I don't want to sit next to him. And he keeps kissing me. I don't want that. And so the whole class heard it and she was like, oh, that's so cute. And I remember slowly putting my hand down and just staring at her. And that's when I started scaring myself. Cause I was like, [00:16:00] okay, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands.

And come recess. I pummeled this kid. but anyway, so it was that kind of, oh, how did I end up talking about this?

[00:16:12] Matt: I don't know. You were talking about your friend. Oh,

[00:16:14] Fawn: okay. Oh yeah. I didn't take any guff from anybody. Like I tried to obey the rules, but if I wasn't helped, I took matters into my own hands.

So there's this girl who was called the witch. I don't recall her speaking either. I was new to school we became friends. We spotted each other from across the school yard. We locked arms. I talk about this all the time and we would walk arm in arm and it was like the red sea parting of all the bullies and all these stupid kids who said horrible things to her about her.

And no one, no one bothered us, nobody. [00:17:00] And I, and I, I like to think because they knew I would, I would, I would, I would beat them up and I was tiny myself. Like we were, I wasn't skinny like her, but I was small. You know what I mean? Like a petite little girl, but, um, we were a force to be reckoned with man.

And so she, she provided destiny for me because now that I think about it all these years later, Whenever I talk about friendship and the true feeling of it. I think of her and I think about us locking arms and walking, going on strolls through the yard, at recess and lunchtime and before school and that bond, that I've felt that, that sense of security, that sense of power that you have with a friend that for me, was one of the weird friend moments, right?

Because it, it was truly magical. It was truly, if you think about it, [00:18:00] fortunate destiny filled because now that's all I talk about. That's my whole mission is the friendship, the bond. And I always go back to her. So she was one she's one of my weird friends. But I have a list. I have a huge list of people. Why don't you go next?

[00:18:19] Matt: So mine aren't nearly as quote unquote mystical, but, uh, yeah, one of them was actually one of my teachers, in high school. She is the one who mentioned what then became the college and the university ended up attending. And it's bizarre because, sometimes people just ACE in an, in and out.

And then this was the second class I had had with her. And I was finally like, I had a class with her in ninth grade and then class with her in like 12th grade, which is both ends of , high school. And actually, yeah, it was probably, 12th grade. She knew me by the time she had me the second time, like she knew who I was.

And she mentioned again, she mentioned the college I ended up going to, and she mentioned this as being a good [00:19:00] school and then something we should look into and the whole bit, and it almost felt like she was addressing me personally because I'm the only student from my grade who went to that school because it was like eight hours away, et cetera, et cetera, but, go banana slugs.

, but what's so interesting then about this whole, sometimes people just kind of lands in and out is literally two years later. No, I think it was three years later. The younger brother of, one of my friends in high school, I graduated from, from high school and I went to his graduation ceremony cause I knew him and you know, that's cool.

And I ran into her again. I ran into that teacher didn't even remember me. It was a weird world.

Completely obviously changed the trajectory, certainly, the university you go to certainly puts you in an interesting place. That's right.

[00:19:46] Fawn: Right. Well, if you're going to talk teachers, I have, I have two teachers. I have like maybe three actually, but I'll talk about two similar time period.

For me it was high school. Did you have school counselors that were therapists [00:20:00] like psychologists or

[00:20:01] Matt: psychotherapists? Not that I ever talked to her, but I

[00:20:04] Fawn: think mine was Ms. MacLennan. I don't remember exactly, but she saved my life because I was having trouble. Of course, like you all know with my family.

One day I showed up to school and I couldn't stop crying. I had clutched every bit of any photography project, equipment I had purchased on my own. I was clutching onto them because it was just kind of like a violent night before with family. And I was told you turn in every photography, anything you have, you're never to do photography, you're not allowed to work. You're just going to go to school and come home . That's it like after a violent night, like me not violent, them being violent. It was horrible. Right. But anyway, so, um, I just pulled all my stuff together and I was always working from even before the legal age of [00:21:00] working.

I was always like an entrepreneur and I was trying to save money actually for college, for myself, even at age 11. And so everything that I had acquired on my own, I just grabbed and I went to school and I, and then I just broke down into tears and I couldn't stop crying. And, um, wow, sorry. She's

[00:21:21] Matt: getting emotional.

[00:21:23] Fawn: So what happened was somehow I ended up in the office before school and I guess all the teachers noticed. So what made me go to the office? I don't know. I don't remember what, um, and our school was really strict. In LA we had lockdowns. We we're not allowed in between classes to be walking anywhere. You would be in big trouble if you were caught without a hall pass.

Right. Did you have that?

[00:21:48] Matt: We were, we were a closed campus, so yeah. And

[00:21:51] Fawn: again, so like nobody was allowed to walk freely anywhere. You had to have either someone like a teacher with you or [00:22:00] you had to have a pass. And I remember that day, all the teachers let me wander around campus. Like nobody like said boo, me.

And I remember going to the bleachers and crying. I was like crying the whole time. I was just like walking around and I remember one of my favorite teachers back then, the photography teacher. It was like, he that's the day he became a jerk to me. Cause I went to him. To talk. Right. And he's like, I don't know what to do with you fawn.

And I'm like, I looked at him, I'm like, wow, I guess I know that I know where you stand. Thanks. Right. And I really looked up to him. And so the two teachers that totally ended up changing my destiny or putting me on the path was the school psychologist who I was afraid of. Cause I thought, if you saw back then I had the mentality. Like if you go to a therapist, you must be crazy. And I remember someone said, you should go see Ms. McClennan [00:23:00] and I said, no, I am not crazy. I don't need to. And they're like, okay. Okay. Whatever. And then I ended up walking to her office a couple hours later and I, she knew like she was dealing with some other kid and she excused the kid and had me sit down instead in her office.

I thought she was going to say, you know, we're going to bring your parents in here. We're going to make things work out. So I told her what happened and she did the opposite. She was like, we got to help you. You got to get away from these people.

That was the first therapist I had. And I had many after that, who said, you got to get away from these people. And, um, so she was the one who handed me this, this book, this catalog of this school, I ended up attending. The cover of this catalog was an eye, and I was obsessed with photographing eyes.

And I was [00:24:00] obsessed with a particular thing that you did back then in photography, where you change the emulsion of the film by drastically changing the temperature of how you're processing the film, so it breaks the emulsion and creates a process that's called reticulation. And now you can do it in Photoshop in a second, but it, it created this pixelated, but it wasn't pixels.

It was like puzzle pieces in a way of an image. And it, it, it, it separates them. It's a, it's a special technique. Like if you see it you'll know it. And so that was the cover was articulated eye, uh, and she didn't know, she didn't know that about my photography, but she hands me this book, she goes, I have a feeling this place would be good for you.

And I looked at the cover and it was that image. And I was like, that's the place for me? I didn't even open the book. Right. And that's where I ended up going to school.

The other [00:25:00] one that day was Mr. Lomeli, Mr. Lomeli was the drama teacher. And he always told me that I should pursue being an actor because I, he called it it, I have it.

He described people as you have it. If you can see and recognize someone by their back in a crowd. If someone's in a crowd and you're only seeing their backs, if you can recognize that person from just looking at them from behind that person has it. And it's not a physical thing. It's a magnetic energy thing. Like they have a presence about them.

And so he would always say that about me. And I remember always being backstage and that's where I would go cry. Cause it was dark and no one else was there and he would have like the best talks with me, like giving such coaching. Like you're a great person. You're so talented. Don't listen to these people.

So he was one, [00:26:00] sorry, I'm crying. Now you go ahead. Oh my goodness.

[00:26:03] Matt: Oh my goodness. So this one's slightly earlier for me and I got, it feels like mine are so small next to yours, but here we are. Um, but uh, uh, yeah, little shout out to Tom, his wife Wynn and their little boy Wesley, who is God, not a little boy anymore.

He was an infant. So Tom and Gwen, Tom was a program director at the YMCA Los Cerritos YMCAs shout out. And Gwen was. Sweet. And they had, they had a little boy and he was probably in the neighborhood of six to nine months. And I called them little Wesley headbanger because I'm heavy metal dude. And this was like, I was like, you know, 16, 17, I, you can't tell me what to do.

Ended up. I was with the Williams, which I guess is credit to my sister who was always involved with my MCA and Tom and Gwen [00:27:00] took me in practically, like he was in charge of everything and Gwen was just super sweet. And like, I liked hanging out in the arts and crafts hut because yeah, I liked hanging out in the arts, arts and crafts side.

I won't say that the person running the arts and crafts hut was extremely attractive, but we could say that, uh, and Gwen came in and we were hanging out. We were talking, I was the quote unquote counselor in charge of all the students, all the, like all the kids who were there, which is a weird world, but I'm still so, oh, but like.

They took me in and they were like , just normal. And like, I could see, first of all, the love that they had and I could see the love they had for their son, like love for, they had for each other. And they started embracing me with that. And , it really gave me pause because in my world it was like me and like three or four other people against the whole flipping world that just wanted to tell me how to be, how to see, how to, how to go. And they just, they [00:28:00] saw me, they accepted me and we all moved on and you know, it was just, it was just nice. And it was just simple and it doesn't have to weird. Doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be complicated, but you can feel the shift. You can feel like things starting to change. And that's when I think things started to change and I started to be more like, you know what, I'm just going to show who I am and if you don't like it , that's what it is, not, I'm just going to be angry. And I'm just, you're just going to get this red wall every time you try and even look at me. So you're going to be like afraid or you're not going to want to. And it really, it really tweaked it for me. And that was at the beginning of the tweak that happened when I started my senior year in high school, which is where I really just mellowed out, quote, unquote, mellowed out.

I mean, I wouldn't necessarily have said yes, you absolutely mellowed out on everything. I certainly didn't. I was still very, very angry at a [00:29:00] lot of things, but , that was the beginning of the quote unquote softening and the beginning of the, let your freak flag fly, and who cares as opposed to let your fleet fried, let your flee fly low.

Um, let your freak flag fly and if anybody has anything to say about it, then it's going to be, it's going to be conflict. And that's that, that, that kind of represented an important shift for

me.

[00:29:28] Fawn: And it's interesting the way you're talking about that, I can now see the series of events that occurred and it led you to Santa Cruz.

It led you to Aikido,

[00:29:38] Matt: well, Santa Cruz definitely led me to Aikido cause Aikido was hugely popular there. I didn't study it there, but

[00:29:43] Fawn: it was hugely popular. I think that started you on the softening path.

[00:29:48] Matt: Yes. Yes. And it's it's Tom it's, Gwen cram and their son, little Wesley little Wesley

headbanger.

[00:29:56] Fawn: So speaking, we have events like the whole [00:30:00] train of events. We were talking about evil people. I was just going to give you another weird friend example, which is Holly for me, but what led me to Holly was a result of an evil person. I was a photographer. Back then, I really was into traveling to far, far away places, places that were very hard to get to, I had quit Aveda, so I wasn't a corporate photographer anymore, and I was burnt out. So I was a barista. I was like, no, it's to this, I'd rather serve coffee and then do my own projects somehow. And so I started to fund my own projects and do my own thing. And some of them are really expensive. I'm sorry. But like, especially back then, I was using film.

It was expensive just to take one shot is expensive. Right. And so I ended up connecting with this famous photographer. We [00:31:00] ended up just connecting over the phone, over email and phone, and we decided to share , the expenses of going on a photo shoot, where we would each do our own separate photo shoots, but we would share the car and we would share, you know, you always need a guide, especially when you're going out in the Bush, someone to translate from, from tribe to tribe.

Right. And also

[00:31:23] Matt: physical protection. Right?

[00:31:24] Fawn: Yeah. I mean, you, you and there are so many laws that you are not aware of, the laws in between tribes, the laws of that particular country in that area, who, especially if it's an area that is prone to violence and war, same thing, right. Violence and war.

But so we decided to split it and this, this should have been clue. Big clue for me was why is this famous photographer talking to a young woman and wanting to split expenses? He had the backing of so many different corporations for every shoot he went on [00:32:00] and I'm a barista paying exactly.

Half of everything where we're paying for. Right. But I was young. I was a young kid and I didn't, I don't know. I just, that should have been a big clue right there. Big giveaway of this. Guy's not. Okay. So anyway, this guy, now that I have some experience in some years, looking back on it, understanding what really happened, this guy, as soon as he saw me, I remember I was waiting for him at the airport and ADIs Addis Ababa.

And as soon as he saw me, it was the first time he had seen me. He always heard my voice. As soon as he saw me, I could tell, like he just, his jaw dropped. Like he was so disappointed. You know, I think he was expecting a tall blonde. Blonde dyed blonde, blonde haired, blue eyed woman with big boobs and all this.

Right. And instead he got me, there's like brown [00:33:00] skin, petite, long black hair, you know, ethnic woman. Right. That w when my friends would always say Fawn, when you look at you, you know, there's no chance in hell that they would get laid. Do you know what I mean? Like, well, I'm sorry, but that's, that was, I w I was always like, why do these kinds of people have that reaction about me?

Like, am I not attractive? Not that that, that I want them to be attracted to me, but I'm like, what is that? Look that they give me. And one of my friends, like who was always a truth teller, like sometimes it would totally hurt your feelings, but she flat out said, because when they look at you, they know that you're not going to be, uh, uh, a play thing.

Do you know what I mean? I will have none of that. Right. So anyway, so this whole trip, he would try to sabotage me every step of the way he even tried to poison me. And I got really [00:34:00] sick, really, really sick where I couldn't get out of bed. I think I briefly mentioned this before on another episode. So it was horrible, but because of him, a couple of years later, I was thinking about taking a photography lecture that was happening in New Mexico.

It was Santa Fe. It was in Santa Fe where all the artists would always meet. Right. I had mixed feelings. I'm like, oh, I don't know if I should go. I can't really stand being around other photographers. They're so egotistical and like, Ugh. And so I remember a friend said, you should go.

I think it's destiny. And as soon as she said that, I'm like, I agree with you. I don't know why. So I go. Whenever I would go to these things, I would dress up. Even in art school, I dressed up, but I dressed up because I had a job right after I worked in retail and I had to wear pantyhose and pencil skirts and blazers and, you know,pumps.

I dressed the same when [00:35:00] I would go to show my portfolio, or if I would go to events like this, like lectures and stuff, everyone else is in ripped jeans, artistic. Yeah. So I'm sitting there with my briefcase, which had my portfolio in it, by the way I carried a briefcase. And because I was, this was business for me.

I realized that a certain point, no matter what you do, it's business. Right. And you can treat that business with total love and creativity. It's still business. So for me to take photographs of you, it's not about me. It's about making you look good. It's about your business thriving, because I photographed your business in such a way I'm here to provide you with something.

Right. And so, um, I'm sitting there and we don't know who the lectures are going to be, or I certainly didn't and I'm sitting there and I'm in front row, second row actually. But like upfront, like frontline. Ready for whoever's about to speak, ready to take notes, so excited .And who should come on stage, but this fool, [00:36:00] this evil photographer. Last time I saw him, he was trying to bail on a major bill. , we went to a restaurant in the hotel and he ate and ate and ate, and then just left me with a bill. And I was like, nuts enough. And I remember telling the manager, he didn't pay the bill. Right. And so he got tracked down and they forced him to pay.

But anyway, but that was the last time I saw him and here he is onstage and everybody's loving him like, Ooh, is this famous guy? And I'm like, oh my God, if you guys only knew what this guy does behind the scenes, like this guy is disgusting. Like the way he treats the environment, the way he treats people just to get a shot.

Like it was ridiculous how many times you almost got us killed out there? I'm like, I'm talking about AK47s being pointed at my tumble. Like just, he didn't care. He did not care. Right.[00:37:00] And yet he was speaking, like he was so loving of the environment. And so loving of all these cultures, I mean, so behind me, so here's where my weird friends come through behind me.

I didn't know anyone in this auditorium. And I started to very slowly put my stuff away, put my notepad away. Cause I wanted to get the hell out of there. Of course I did not want to be there. And all of a sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder. I don't know this guy. His name was Alex. I found out later. , he gives me this handwritten note.

Any, he said, don't leave. There's love for you here. I'm like who the hell? What? Um, anyway, I kept the note for years. I think I still have it somewhere, but I, I, I still left. Right. I left. I'm like nuts to [00:38:00] this and I guess the guy followed me, the guy behind me and I wandered around for a little bit to walk around.

Cause I'm like, what am I going to do? I just was so like shaky and emotional, I was like, I can't believe this. I grabbed my briefcase and I was headed out and I was walking across this dirt, like yard, typical Santa Fe, New Mexico scene. Right? Like in this Adobe place leaving and, and then I hear someone say, is that your portfolio talking about my briefcase? Is that your portfolio? And I kind of paused, but I didn't turn back. I kept walking, excuse me, excuse me. Is that your portfolio? And I turn around and it's the guy. He was like, can I see it please? I'm like, I was just headed out. He's like, please can I see her work?

I'm like, okay. So we're sitting outside, I'm standing and [00:39:00] he's li he's turning the pages of my book. Right. And with each page he keeps yelling, Holly, oh my God, Holly, Holly, come here. And I'm like, who is Holly? I didn't see anybody else around. So along comes Holly,

and so they started looking at my work and they're like, why are you leaving? I briefly told them the story. They're like, well, where are you going to go? I'm like, I think I'm going to go to a restaurant they're like, well, we'll come with you.

And so we went to this restaurant and I told them the whole story of what had happened. And so anyway, um, and they were like, where are you from? I asked them where they were from. I told them I was from Santa Monica and it turned out that Holly was from Texas, but moving to Santa Barbara, I'm like, oh my God.

I go to Santa Barbara all the time. That's my spirit zone. That's where I, I go to totally connect and get answers. So if you need anything, I can help you. Like, that's my territory. It turned out. She actually went to [00:40:00] school in Santa Barbara for a photography. And so anyway, so we became friends and it was because of Holly stepping into my life that eventually led me to you, Matt, because all my friends in Santa Monica were always telling me I should study Aikido

and I was like, no, I like the mixed martial arts. I like the chopping and the hitting and you know, and Aikido looks so fake to me. No, thank you. These were expert martial artists by the way. And they were like, Fawn, you have no idea what you're talking about. You should study Aikido

I'm like, Nope, Nope. I've seen the videos. They're so fake. Are you kidding me? Like the videos of O Sensei throwing all those big grizzly guys with a finger I'm like, please. So anyway. On our way to Santa Barbara, she stopped in Santa Monica to spend the night over at my studio.

We could hang out and I could show her the neighborhood and everything. And [00:41:00] so we, she, we would go back and forth and she would come stand on Santa Monica all the time. And it was when Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon was out. We went to see it we went to the parking lot to get into the car, to drive back.

And before we got into the car, we were just looking out at the sunset. We were on the rooftop of a parking structure, typical LA. And so she pulled this move on me. It was purely energetic. She did not touch me. And because we had seen crouching tiger because I was totally receptive

She pulled a maneuver and I looked at her I'm like, what the heck was that? What'd you just do? She goes, that's Aikido. I'm like, oh, it was a spiritual whirlwind thing. It was completely ethereal. Very weird. If you were going to describe some energy weird. I'm like, all right, I'm sold [00:42:00] fine.

She's like, I'm going to help you find a place. Okay. So she's the one who found the school where you were at Matt. So I'm sorry. Long winded story. I'm so sorry guys, but weirdness led me to you, honey.

[00:42:15] Matt: And there you go. Well, I have, and I think maybe I've talked about this before, but I have a story where I got to be the fate.

And change the trajectory of someone's life.

[00:42:23] Fawn: What happened?

[00:42:24] Matt: Check me out my best friend in high school, Vince God bless Vince. We were like peas and carrots. We were like besties. We were like us against the flipping world for awhile. And then obviously Dave came and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But anyways, so in typical, I suppose person, you know, people, fashion Vince decided he either A, wanted to be a heavy metal drummer or be wanted to B, a

[00:42:49] Fawn: cop.

He knew back then he wanted to be a cop. Well,

[00:42:53] Matt: it was always kind of in his spear,

[00:42:56] Fawn: what a weird, like weird thing,

[00:42:59] Matt: [00:43:00] zing completely different. Right. , anyways, he told me, Hey, yeah, there's Tryouts there's whatever you want to call it.

There's testing to become a, , orange county sheriff and it starts on this day. And so I said, Vince, let's do it. You and me let's see how it goes.

[00:43:15] Fawn: You mean you were going to do.

[00:43:17] Matt: We train for the PT, the physical test. We, I took the physical test with him where you have to like, carry a body for so many yards.

We had to run 1600 yards and you had to sprint and you had to, I don't even remember what else you had to do. I think you had to climb a wall. I think, I don't know who knows this was, this was an interesting amount of time ago, but I did that with him. And then I went to the next level where you actually took a written test just to see if , A, new English and B were reasonably, you know, had your high school equivalency basically.

Yeah. And I took that with him. So I was on my way to becoming a sheriff, which is interesting. Cause welcome to the fates. Right. But then I stepped away. Then I said, you know what, I'm done. [00:44:00] And he continued. And because of that, that made him a special Sheriff's officer, which made him a bus cop, went to, went to the academy and everything.

And that was the beginning.

[00:44:12] Fawn: I have a whole list of people that have totally been there.

Like I have one I never even saw. I was at a bookstore, the Bodhi tree. Do you guys remember the Bodhi tree? in LA? The Bodhi tree. You always talk about it, but you will never went, you went there with me on Melrose, if you say, so you guys, the Bodhi tree was amazing.

All, all kinds of books, mostly spiritual books, weird books. So I was there one day looking for her help. I was looking for some book to turn to for comfort. I sat on the ground looking at the shelf in front of me trying to figure out which one of these books should I pull out.

There were so many of them, of course. And then all of a sudden. [00:45:00] This hand comes like inches by my face and goes in very gently because it was a loving energy. It was totally loving, very thoughtfully, very gracefully, very respectfully, very close to me, goes and takes out a book pauses on this one book and then slides it out.

And then the hand motions like this one, I didn't even look to see who this person was. I just took the book and I opened it. I bought it. I have it to this day. All these years later, that book, one day ended up, on my shelf at my house in Seattle, I had just, moved to Seattle one of my best friends, Daphne, who I always talk about, comes over for the first time to my house, goes to my bookshelf, goes straight to this book.

And said, oh my God, that's my acupuncturist. That's my doctor. [00:46:00] That's his, that's his dad. That's his dad. So like a lineage of this whole family of really talented acupuncturists. But this is like, you you've seen the, you, you know, the book I'm talking about it. It's super thick, the IChing one. That created more of a bond with my friend Daphne,

and that book to this day is a weird one of those weird things and it's, but talk about metaphysical, talk about, you know, fate and destiny and all that. That's what this whole book is about. Right? The book of changes. And what did we say? One of the meetings was wasn't it to become, to change, to turn to.

The spirit of becoming is what weird means. This is the book of changes. That was another weird friend, but I never saw this person.

[00:46:54] Matt: Interesting.

[00:46:55] Fawn: Your turn.

I

[00:46:56] Matt: have nothing to match the, um, [00:47:00] well-thought out that you've

[00:47:01] Fawn: got, listen, this is not well thought. Well, it is well thought out because I always think about how people affect me. And every time I see someone I'm like, wow, because I do believe everything is a pre-planned meeting. Every person I walk by, every person that my eyes see, I feel like that was an assigned meeting. Every person on my path, we plan this, right. We plan to meet, even if it's just a walk by; like our energetic fields combining for a second, even. So I'm sure there's a lot, but it's not, like I thought about this before the show, I'm just remembering, these are the people and I was just started to jot down some names and I do have a whole list in front of me, but yeah, it is well thought out because I always think about this.

Even the birth of our kids and like how profoundly it changed my destiny or put me on my true path. That was a designated meeting [00:48:00] for sure. Right.

I'm going to give you another example of a weird, a weird friend.

This is how I got involved in acupuncture I had moved to Santa Monica and that in, in our neighborhood. The apartment that I lived in. Before I totally fixed it up. It had no flooring. One day I'm just sitting on the ground and I noticed a spider on my leg.

I'm like, ah, and I flung it off. Right. But then we caught it and we were looking at the spider, my friend and I were looking at the spider and it had fangs. I've never seen a spider like that before. It wasn't big necessarily, but it had these fangs. Like, oh my God, what the heck is this? We looked it up and it was a recluse spider.

We took the spider out and put it in the dirt outside. Shortly after that, I developed this thing on my shoulder. That first it was like a tiny little dot. It was itchy and I scratched it and it started [00:49:00] to bleed and I didn't have health insurance back then. Um, you know, I was working as a barista, no money, very little money.

I couldn't afford to go to the doctor or anything, but this thing grew it was actually three dots, like a triangle. It grew to this, I don't know what would this be? Like five, five inches, five inches of it. It took up my whole shoulder, like round bony part of the shoulder right here.

Right. And it turned black and all the outskirts where these bumps that would bleed and the black part, if I scratched it a tiny bit would bleed. This happened for months, every day I had, like in the middle of the day, I would have a fever. I very little energy.

I just didn't feel good. One day when I was serving coffee, this guy walks in this weird guy. Weird is good, weird. The weird we're talking about. So he walks in and he's like, whoa, what happened [00:50:00] to your shoulder? I'm like, I don't know. I think it was a spider bite. I'm not sure. And he's like, do you do energy work?

I said, yeah, I do. He's like, do you protect yourself? I'm like, I do it all the time. So maybe not all the time do I think, okay forcefield around me protection. I don't know. Back then. I didn't, I didn't take it seriously enough. He's like that is a sign that you were pierced, your energetic field was pierced, and that you were infected, that, that wouldn't have happened to you if you were grounded.

Like if you had that protection field around you and you need to do that, when you're doing light work, I'm like, oh, okay. And so I ended up having coffee with this guy and he told me all about his work. He was an acupuncturist and he told me about dragon that's when I found out about the dragon energy and that he totally put me on the path of healing work.

That's [00:51:00] when I started to go to acupuncture and I went, they looked at me like these, these beautiful, elders from China where the teachers of this school shout out to Emperor's Clinic, Emperors College back then it was called, but you could go for like $20 and get a whole treatment herbs and everything, and they fixed you up.

I went in and I was getting scared. It was scary and they just looked at me, no big deal. And then they just went, boop, boop, boop. They put these needles in. They made it bleed. They put a suction cup on and like sucked out all, whatever was there. And I swear to you, I've felt , the fever leave from one side of my body and out the other.

And I was perfectly healthy when I walked out. That was my whole healing world, that whole world of alternative medicine, energetic medicine, all of that. It was because of this weird [00:52:00] friend who walked into the coffee shop. Changed everything. And now, you know, me, everything is like, I'd rather go to the acupuncturist first holistically, check me out, because a lot of things, the normal doctor doesn't even like, listen to me or like, know what's really going on, or I'll go to the doctor and then I'll go to the acupuncturist and they'll fix up whatever was what would happen from the regular doctor.

Because like, let's say they give me antibiotics and then I have all these other problems. Then I have to go to the acupuncturist so they can heal up heal, whatever happened from the effects of the drugs that they were giving me. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, so, so there you have it. I mean, seriously, it happens daily.

If there are people out there, I guarantee you, it's a weird experience. It's a weird friend to pay attention to. And you know what I mean now by weird. Right? Right. So that's it..

[00:52:57] Matt: Pay attention, weirdness comes. [00:53:00] Remember, and as you move forward, though, the weird friends who affect your trajectory and you know what, we'd love to hear some stories from you guys, email

[00:53:10] Fawn: us: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/ let us know what your stories are. We love you. Thank you so much for listening. And remember weird is good. Be well, bring back the weird, bring back the fate, the chance, the fortune, the destiny, having the power to control fate. That's what weird is. Don't be afraid.

We love you so much. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye. Bye.