We can think of each person and ourselves as a different kind of element (earth, fire, water, air, and space), and explore how these elements work together. Some elements love each other; they support and nurture each other while some elements like fire and water are enemies; destroy each other and they need to remain separate. What does all this mean in accordance with our relationships? How can we coexist? What is the right balance to have (because we all have each and all of the elements within us) in order to have a beautiful friendship? Keep in mind that IMBALANCE is necessary also.
If you think about walking, you couldn't walk if you were not imbalanced. If you were always balanced, you would not be able to walk because you would be so centered the whole time. The fact that you have to take one step and put all your weight onto another leg. To go to that next step is a free fall if you think about it. And it requires imbalance. You have to have faith that you are going to transition through that imbalance and wind up in a steady spot. These are the things to keep in mind in the art of friendship.
Enjoy this episode and tell others about our podcast, subscribe, and leave us a kind review. AND keep friendship alive. Get a free copy of our book by clicking here:
We can think of each person and ourselves as a different kind of element (earth, fire, water, air and space), and explore how these elements work together. Some elements love each other; they support and nurture each other while some elements like fire and water are enemies; destroy each other and they need to remain separate. What does all this mean in accordance to our relationships? How can we coexist? What is the right balance to have (because we all have each and all of the elements within us) in order to have a beautiful friendship? Keep in mind that IMBALANCE is necessary also.
If you think about walking, You couldn't walk if you were not imbalanced. If you were always balanced, you would not be able to walk because you would be so centered the whole time. The fact that you have to take one step and put all your weight onto another leg. To go to that next step is a free fall if you think about it. And it requires imbalance. You have to have faith that you are going to transition through that imbalance and wind up in a steady spot. These are the things to keep in mind in the art of friendship.
Enjoy this episode and tell others about our podcast, subscribe, and leave us a kind review. AND keep friendship alive. Get a free copy of our book by clicking here:
It's Elementary - TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] FAWN: I went to the hardware store, Yeah, when I went, when I went to the hardware store, when I went to Home Depot, I had a culture, not a culture shock. I don't know what to call it. It wasn't a shock, but a, when you go to different areas and you don't realize how different you are, and then all of a sudden you experience a shift in culture? Mm-hmm. ? Yes. That happened to me at the store , and then it happened after the store also, like I was talking to our neighbor, Kathy, and she started laughing at one word I said, and the conversation continued, but she definitely laughed at me saying, our friend's name Barry.
[00:00:44] FAWN: And she's like, What? I'm like Barry. She's like Barry and, And she was laughing about how I said strawberry or blueberry and then she corrected it quickly, like it happened in a span of like two seconds. Wait, how did she correct it? She said Barry, again, I don't know. Cause I'm experiencing culture shock, like aari or something.
[00:01:05] FAWN: Berry. Berry. This is
[00:01:07] MATT: like when you try and correct me with your fluent french.
[00:01:11] FAWN: Stop it. So anyway, but I was at the hardware store and they were talking really fast and I couldn't understand what was happening. There was a thick accent happening because of this area of the country we live in. They speak faster depending on where you are.
[00:01:30] FAWN: Anyway, I couldn't understand and then, oh dear. So that led to, And my accent, which I didn't really realize I had to thicken also. Oh dear. So I was like, um, I, I, I don't understand, like, I have this like , um, um, I don't know, like that kind of Los Angeles Valley girl. Um, I, I don't know. I don't know if it's a vocal fry, whatever it is, you know, it's, It's that LA like Santa Monica accent comes out.
[00:02:08] FAWN: So .
[00:02:10] MATT: Okay. I'm not really that aware of a, but I suppose you wouldn't be of your
[00:02:14] FAWN: own. I mean, I just stepped outta my body and I'm like, and I was listening to myself going, um, I, I don't understand. What, what did you say? Like, . Do you know what I'm like? I don't. Um,
[00:02:29] MATT: Um, was it just that they were talking too fast
[00:02:32] FAWN: or, No, there was a definite, like, Eastern accent and it was very fast. It didn't have, um, like I emphasized different parts of my sentences.
[00:02:43] FAWN: It was all monotone and quick, and the guy had no patience for me. Wow. And which I understand. And, you know, he couldn't be bothered, like, like he just wanted the answer. To his question, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. Anyway, I had to have a translator. So his, his , his work buddy, had to translate for me.
[00:03:06] FAWN: Right. Um, anyway, culture, culture differences. Like, we don't realize like a Allegra the other day are, I overheard her say she was talking to herself, but she's like, I gotta get rid of my Colorado accent. I'm like, What? There's a ca And I started to think about all the places we have lived that I've lived. Even before meeting you Matt, but like there was definitely an accent in Minnesota.
[00:03:32] FAWN: There was a definite different accent in Washington state, like Seattle really? But yeah, I wanna say just for a few words, but not all the time. But I don't know. See, I don't know now because I thought when I said Barry Barry's okay. Like, but apparently that was funny to Kathy. Well, it
[00:03:50] MATT: is interesting because it's strawberry is b e r r y.
[00:03:55] MATT: But yet his name is b a r r y. There must be a different pronunciation, but I've never heard it
[00:04:01] FAWN: differently. See, I think we're just from California, but I don't know if we're not hearing it right. Yeah, I don't think we are. I think because we think we're the center of the universe, being from Los Angeles, that we don't realize that we could be wrong.
[00:04:14] FAWN: Like we're experiencing, this new area of the country we're living in. And it is totally. There are things and ways of living here that are not done on the West Coast. Right? It is totally different here.
[00:04:33] MATT: No arguments
[00:04:33] FAWN: there. It is. It is amazing. It is amazing. Here I am thinking, oh, whatever, You know, America is America like
[00:04:44] FAWN: I mean, the only cultural difference, that was always pointed out to me, If you're from the south, you definitely have that southern accent and the southern hospitality that they're known for. And the fried food, you know, the food, the cuisine. Um, I don't know, I think a lot
[00:05:02] MATT: of people take certain objections to that, but I know by the same token I'm working with a whole bunch of people from Virginia and yeah, it does require me to do
[00:05:11] FAWN: a little shift, I think.
[00:05:13] FAWN: I think we're quite ignorant being from Los Angeles. Yes. Seriously, we think that everything revolves around us. Like we're the right way to be, we're the right way to speak. We're we're it y'all. Y'all are different. Well, but that's you. But this is the way to be. Like everything revolves around Los Angeles.
[00:05:33] MATT: When I, when I were a lad, companies sent me to England and I swear to goodness, every single time I talked to anybody, I would have to have them repeat what they said. I swear
[00:05:47] FAWN: that that totally happened to us too, and
[00:05:49] MATT: yet they seem to understand me just fine. I know. It's a bizarre thing. I, I, I don't really have a good explana.
[00:05:56] MATT: The explanation I came up with at the time was all movies come from Hollywood. Cause definitely. Okay. Yes. 90%
[00:06:04] FAWN: the movie movies come from Hollywood. Back then, it was definitely true.
[00:06:09] MATT: So they're already quote unquote indoctrinated to understand if they wanna watch Star Wars or whatever. So,
[00:06:16] MATT: I don't know.
[00:06:17] FAWN: I mean, even now, getting into the voiceover field, everything revolves around Los Angeles definitely the United States like having the American accent and all the big jobs come out of the American agencies and stuff.
[00:06:32] MATT: It's. Very American centric and definitely LA centric. Anyway, this has nothing to do with what we're talking about today, . Okay then, But Matt, I know what you mean. Same thing happened too. I say us because I went with a huge group of college students and we lived in England for a couple years, and oh my God, the first day, the first week.
[00:06:57] MATT: Thank God we were there with friends because we would get together for breaks in between classes and we would share stories like, cuz we all would get lost. We had to walk to school and you couldn't figure out where things were. So you would ask for directions, right? And oh my God, it would take five minutes to have whoever you asked, explain where you're going, And I couldn't understand a word they were saying.
[00:07:24] MATT: once again, I'm like, um, excuse me. What? And then you would ask the next person, it was the same thing. And it, and not only was the accent a problem, like I couldn't understand what they were saying. It was that the way they told you something, the way that they said, this is how you get to this place, we're used to saying to someone, Oh, when you get to this street turn, Go for a block, you'll see the street turn right and it'll be on your left hand side.
[00:07:53] MATT: Simple to us, right? But no, it was a whole story about when this place was built and it looks like this. And, and so and so walked past here and you'll see this, but that's not what you're looking for. You wanna go. It was this long, drawn story. It wasn't Simple directions. Right. And then other things way back then I didn't know, cuz I was a kid and it was a long time ago, was, I didn't know what a roundabout was.
[00:08:19] MATT: Yeah, it is
[00:08:20] MATT: kind of a weird,
[00:08:21] FAWN: interesting thing. What? What's a roundabout? You know, the little things like that. Anyway, this has nothing to do with what we're talking about today. Okay. Then I just wanted to say, Once you feel like, Oh, I'm finally blending in. Something comes across your way like that.
[00:08:37] FAWN: Like, Oh man, I sound different, you know? Or I don't understand something. Right. Anyway, today I was thinking about something because I read an article in The Yoga Journal. It's this article called "Using the Five Elements to Purify Our Being". So they go through the five elements. I found this article because I'm doing some research for a children's picture book that I'm writing.
[00:09:03] FAWN: So it got me thinking, first of all, I was only thinking of four elements, which is. It's earth, air, fire, and water. Yeah. And the fifth one is space. Thinking about that and what it means to our relationships. Here's what it is.
[00:09:23] FAWN: They're called states of matter. The person who wrote this article was Swami Shankardev Saraswati PHD. He's a psychologist, he's a doctor, he's a yogi, he's a swami. So this is what he was saying is that each of the five elements represents a state of matter.
[00:09:45] FAWN: Earth is not just soil, but it is everything in nature that is solid. Like water is everything that is liquid. So everything that is liquid is water, air is everything that is a gas. So like all gas is, air, water is everything that is liquid. Yes, I'm sorry. Air is everything. That is a gas. But then what about fire and space?
[00:10:10] FAWN: He said fire is that part of nature that transforms one state of matter into another. So for example, fire transforms the solid state of water, which is ice into liquid water. And then, The gas form, which is steam, withdrawing water, taking the water away, recreates the solid state. so he's talking about all these different states and I found it very interesting because first of all, I started to think that if we can think of each person as a different kind of element, How do those elements work together?
[00:10:49] FAWN: So I'm thinking the relationships that these elements have, is it in sync with how our relationships work? He said: "Each element has a relationship with the others based on their nature. These relationships form the laws of nature. Some elements are enemies in that they each block the expression of the other.".
[00:11:11] FAWN: Which is interesting, like think about it like two people. Fire and water, for example, will destroy each other if they get the chance to. Um, in order to coexist, fire and water need to be separated. , Hold on a second. Hold on. I know kind of like makes you think of when you're in school, right? They separate you and then he said some elements, , love each other. In that they support and nurture each other. For example, earth and water, love to, He describes it as a hug that earth and water hug each other and air and fire increase each other. And I'm thinking, huh? Yeah. Certain friends, like you get together with certain people. you make each other stronger.
[00:11:58] FAWN: And then he. This is, these are his words. He goes,
[00:12:02] FAWN: "other elements are simply friendly and cooperative. For example, water and air live together without problems as in soda water, but when the chance occurs, they separate. The same happens with fire and earth. So even when they're friends, they can separate when they have the chance, they separate, like, they're like, Okay, I, we get along well.
[00:12:26] FAWN: We make great soda water, but you know what? I need my time alone and I wanna go over here and be by myself. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay. So Matt is, Matt is shaking his head, obviously in disagreements with all this, I. I think there's something here that we should explore. I think there's
[00:12:46] MATT: something here, but I think he's, It's a flawed model.
[00:12:49] FAWN: What? Why?
[00:12:51] MATT: Well, okay, so he's, he's basically taking a look at kind of basic science from a, kind of a Greek hierarchy of just trying to categorize things. And it's a convenient way to categorize things. I mean, the game magic, the gathering has green, blue. You know, blah, blah, blah, magic, um, avatar, the last air bender had all these different fires, blah, blah, blah, pulling the elements together.
[00:13:15] MATT: But what you're really, what he's really kind of getting circling around and when I think all these properties circle around are the states of matter, which is most easily understood with water. So water is either a liquid or it's a solid cuz it's ice or it's a gas because it's steam. And to do that, you have to apply energy, which is how he's choosing to categorize fire.
[00:13:37] MATT: And there's actually even a fourth state of matter, I want to say. And I remember hearing it and I still am bizarre about it, but there's a fourth state of matter where you get steam even hotter. It turns into plasma or something, which isn't blood. It's something else. I don't know. I was terrible at natural sciences.
[00:13:54] MATT: I'm only good at applied sciences. But anyways, I. I don't like the way he's, he's categorizing these things. I don't understand why I, I'd almost be happier if he would've said fall versus spring versus summer versus winter. What? Because fire and air don't coexist. Fire and air. St. Fire needs earth Fire needs something to consume in order to do anything.
[00:14:20] MATT: Again, it's, it's, it's a clumsy analogy,
[00:14:22] FAWN: frankly. No, it's not. Maybe I'm being clumsy describing what I read, but if you think about it, we all have all of these elements within us. We're all made up of all these elements, right? We have all of that together, but yet there are personalities that don't get along, and that's true fiery people that don't get along with watery people because they go at war and they destroy each.
[00:14:49] FAWN: They don't get along. They need to be separated.
[00:14:52] MATT: It, it just feels like you're trying to shoehorn that analogy into this, into this guy's analogy.
[00:14:57] FAWN: No, this is how I, this I, this is how I think. And I don't understand why you would say, Oh, we gotta, It's better to describe the seasons with it. You
[00:15:08] MATT: know, It's just pick a different, I, I don't like his analogy.
[00:15:11] MATT: And what does space have to do with it? What is
[00:15:12] FAWN: space? Space Is that spiritual like high? Hmm. Level of being where you transcend all that.
[00:15:22] MATT: So I just wanna be a space person then, cuz I wanna transcend it all. Okay.
[00:15:26] FAWN: Isn't that you would be that kind of person, but who is that kind of person? We all are, we're all made out of spirit.
[00:15:32] FAWN: We're all made out of energy. But there are some people that rise above it. They're not firey, they're not gonna get down in the dirt with you. They're, they rise above things. I'm just talking personality. Look, this is something I'm exploring. I, I, the thought came into my head, there are these five elements, and some of them are friendly with one another and some of them are not.
[00:15:56] FAWN: Some of them are downright enemies. It's interesting that everything that happens in life happens on a molecular level. So in a way it's kind of the same thing. So our relationships are happening, are coexisting just like they are in science. If we look at these common elements, these five common elements, and bring it down to the common relationships that exist, the different common personality types, I think it's something to look at.
[00:16:26] FAWN: Can water and fire coexist? I always say, the earth is a small town and everyone is your friend. However, you're not meant to be friends with everyone. For example, I'm all about family, but I had to cut my family off. It wasn't good for me or our children to be around what I grew up in.
[00:16:50] FAWN: That relationship needed to end. It was abusive, it was not ok. I've made certain friends out there that I no longer talk to because it got toxic fire and water. We all have all of that within us, but it doesn't mean that we all need to coexist together.
[00:17:11] FAWN: But it's something interesting to look at, to see how we can work together. Just looking at things objectivley, saying, Okay, this person is pure fire and I'm water, and unless I wanna devote all my energy to dissipating, then I need to go somewhere else.
[00:17:27] MATT: Okay, let's, let's try and bring this back to center. Let's try and find a balance to this, and let's go back to the actual real, I think, description of the article, the title of the article, which was using the five elements to purify Your Being. See,
[00:17:45] FAWN: why do you get, why don't, don't get so bogged down with what I said.
[00:17:49] FAWN: I said I was researching for the picture book and I was just wanting to give credit to where I got my train of thought. Why are you so stuck on the exact title of of that
[00:18:01] MATT: article? Because it helps me focus because I gotta stop focusing on a person being fire or a person being water. A person is a person, A person is multifaceted and they're allowed to transition between states very quickly.
[00:18:14] MATT: Excuse
[00:18:14] FAWN: me. Isn't that what I said? I said we all have that in us.
[00:18:17] MATT: Okay. Tap. So I could categorize it not being you. I could categorize it as when you were going to the place at the beginning, the initial story that you told. Maybe you were feeling very airy and very
[00:18:33] FAWN: light and airy. Oh, you mean how I started the episode and I said, This has nothing to do with what we're talking about.
[00:18:37] FAWN: Exactly.
[00:18:38] MATT: But I can't help but bring things back to where, what, anything, any scrap of where we started, but maybe you were walking into that very airy and then you realized maybe you needed to be more like water, a little more ground, a little more grounded, but still flowing and trying to make sense of it.
[00:18:55] MATT: And then as you know, the person was getting frustrated. They were giving you fire. Maybe you were thinking you needed more fire, or maybe you were thinking you needed to be more centered and grounded. So they might be So you were trying to compliment their fire state. He
[00:19:11] FAWN: wasn't having
[00:19:12] MATT: any of that.
[00:19:13] MATT: Exactly. Cuz he was giving you pure fire and you needed to figure out He wasn't
[00:19:17] FAWN: though like that. He wasn't giving me anything. Well, he, he was just, he was being
[00:19:22] MATT: totally indifferent. Yeah. Oh my goodness. That's like the worst. He
[00:19:25] FAWN: was totally indifferent. He didn't, he didn't care. He was. He, he was, he wasn't rolling his eyes, but it was like that, like rolling his eyes, like
[00:19:35] MATT: whatever.
[00:19:35] MATT: Like, and, and unfortunately you were in a place where this wasn't something you could just walk away from because it's not like this was a deep, personal 10 year relationship. This is a random guy and you needed something and, and
[00:19:48] FAWN: you know what? He was perfectly great, is just, I couldn't understand. It was a culture shock.
[00:19:54] FAWN: I couldn't understand what he was
[00:19:56] MATT: telling me. Right. And so as we struggle to understand, we need to figure out maybe how we need to transition ourselves between our different states. Yes. To make ourselves better heard, better understood.
[00:20:12] FAWN: Well, in this case, I turned to, or luckily, I don't know if I turned to, or someone else actually came up to me that he was working with and, and helped out.
[00:20:22] FAWN: We need each other. So whatever element I was and whatever element this guy was. It wasn't being, um, it wasn't mixing well, it, it wasn't translating. Right. And so another element came in, and that's why we all need each other. That's what I'm saying. We all have all these parts, but there are times where we're more of one than the other.
[00:20:44] FAWN: And I think that that's where the imbalance comes from. Yes. And also, imbalance is necessary in everything. If you think about walking, You couldn't walk if you were not imbalanced. If you were always balanced, you would not be able to walk right
[00:21:04] MATT: because you would be so centered the whole time.
[00:21:06] FAWN: The fact that you have to take one step and put all your weight onto another leg.
[00:21:15] FAWN: To go to that next step. It's a free fall if you think about it. And that's, and it, and it requires imbalance. You have to have faith that you are going to transition through that imbalance and wind up in a steady spot. It's a dance.
[00:21:31] MATT: When, uh, scientists were trying to teach robots to walk.
[00:21:36] MATT: They realized that basically the robot was falling the entire time they were walking. . Mm-hmm. . It's just, again, it's a controlled, it's a controlled everything. So, you know, I, I think we need to just keep in mind that our lives are a dance and nobody is the same thing always. And we could have the same conversation five minutes later.
[00:21:56] MATT: And all of a sudden we, we could be, have a completely different conversation. It could go in completely different directions just based upon nothing,
[00:22:04] FAWN: frankly. All I'm saying. Fire can destroy water and the other way or around, but sometimes you need to have air come in that can maybe blow out the fire
[00:22:16] MATT: sometimes you need to figure out how to transition from one place to another place, from one state to another state, from one. But
[00:22:25] FAWN: you're speaking of it, but you're speaking of it in a, in a motion that is you alone, you have to do this. What I'm saying is we need each other.
[00:22:36] MATT: Well, and sometimes yes, you're absolutely right.
[00:22:38] MATT: It is a dance. It is because you're having the conversation with multiple people or you're having the conversation with even just one other person.
[00:22:45] FAWN: We're living on the planet with multiple people. Right.
[00:22:48] MATT: So we have to figure out how to get along.
[00:22:50] FAWN: I'm just saying we need each other. Yes. That sometimes the wind element needs to intervene or in a situation where there are enemies. If water and fire cannot coexist, then perhaps having earth in there will bring things together in harmony, is what I'm saying. So I'm saying we need each other and it's, it's good to look at all these different elements and see how things work out. I can't give you specific examples of how and why and who and what and where right now I'm just saying, look, it's just a thought. That's all I'm saying is just let's just look at this as a thought.
[00:23:29] MATT: Right? Huh? Right. And unfortunately, yeah, you don't have. Necessarily. Yeah, we, we both go through and we both get our own kind of, uh, inputs as it were. And something I've been thinking an awful lot about lately is, uh, I worked at a job and they made us take a Myers-Briggs test, which basically dictates your personality.
[00:23:49] MATT: Well, it turns out Myers-Briggs is who he. Yeah, it's utter Huey because we're constantly in a constant state of change and flux and you can take the same test five seconds later and it comes out completely different. Matt,
[00:24:01] FAWN: did you, did you ever watch that show with the kids and I would watch, It's called Adam Ruins Everything.
[00:24:07] FAWN: It's a show called Adam Ruins.
[00:24:08] MATT: I mean, it's a brilliant title and you know, I definitely gotta have sympathy for Adam. Well, he
[00:24:13] FAWN: a whole show on the Myers-Briggs thing and proved where it came from, and it is, it's, it's, it's garbage. It's something totally made up. Well, it, it's
[00:24:23] MATT: an, again, it's an interesting thought experiment, you know, because how do you get information?
[00:24:30] MATT: How do you process information? How do you communicate information? And you know what? What is your process for going, transitioning through all those states is kind of the four letters
[00:24:41] FAWN: of Myers breaks. Yeah, but we, I don't like the four letters and I don't like putting people in boxes, but it is good to look at, Hey, this is how this person operates.
[00:24:50] FAWN: This is how this person maneuvers. This is how this person learns. I mean, we all know, especially in our case, Matt, right, homeschooling, we have to figure out how do each child is totally different. How do they learn? Right? How do they process something, right? One kid needs to move when they're trying to understand something, they can't sit still in a chair and just be fed information.
[00:25:14] FAWN: Their body needs to move for it to translate in their psyche, in their brain. Other kids need to do something else to come to that understanding. So it's good to know how we all operate. I don't like scientific things that put people in boxes because we all know someone makes some sort of discovery or, or in, I mean, Myers Springs, that that is total nonsense.
[00:25:41] FAWN: It was totally made up, right? I don't remember the whole story, but. If you go back, it's called Adam Ruins everything and just look it up. It was something completely made up to benefit someone in part one person in particular. But I am in. Looking at each person and looking at them with compassion and trying to understand where they're coming from and, and how they're maneuvering. You know, that's how they drive, that's how they live. And I don't want to judge if I'm in a proper state of mind and rather not judge, but I'd like to be loving and open and receptive to just say, Okay, this is how this person is operating.
[00:26:26] FAWN: They could be fire, they could be air, they could be earth, they could be water, whatever. They could be pure spirit. And it's good to watch and it's good to realize it's good to, I don't wanna say analyze, but it's good to try to understand, and I just wanted to take these five elements as a starting point see people or to give it a chance to look at someone and be present enough by just using these five elements as a way to look at someone, to perhaps see them in a way that you didn't before, or perhaps to see the conflict that you're in, in a way that you didn't see before. Or if it's a perfectly perfect relationship to see, Wow, this is why we work.
[00:27:18] FAWN: We hug earth and water hug, you know, like we blend and we make this together. Sometimes it's good to look at how things are made.
[00:27:32] MATT: Fair enough.
[00:27:32] FAWN: And that was, that was my only point. Fair
[00:27:35] MATT: enough. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. Okay. Love is winning. Love
[00:27:42] FAWN: is. Well, thank God I was pissed off. My goodness. I was mad
[00:27:50] FAWN: All right, well that's it. Talk to you in a few days and of course, let us know what you think. Go to our friendly world podcast.com and we'll talk to you in a few days. Bye. Be well.