“Man Keeping, Trauma Dumping, and the Hidden Cost of Emotional Labor”
In this candid and lively episode, Fawn and Matt dive into the concept of “man keeping,” a term coined by researchers to describe the largely invisible emotional and social labor women perform for the men in their lives. Fawn shares how she thinks daily about Matt’s well-being and how that sometimes leads to frustration when her help isn’t wanted. The two explore the differences in how men and women process emotions and friendships, highlighting how men often avoid deep conversations with friends, leading them to lean heavily on romantic partners for support. They also discuss the phenomenon of trauma dumping — the urge to unload emotional burdens onto others — and how modern life leaves many people without the capacity to “hold the metaphorical hair” for anyone else’s emotional mess. The conversation turns toward the broader need for community (or “family”) support systems where emotional labor can be shared collectively. Fawn and Matt encourage listeners to find healthier ways to process feelings without overwhelming partners, and to nurture relationships that can sustain mutual emotional support.
“Maybe talking to a group of people where collectively everyone has 10% energy — amongst ten people, you have 100% energy — so this person can still be held. That’s what we need: a group, a family, where we’re stronger together.” — Fawn
man keeping, emotional labor, trauma dumping, relationships, emotional support, friendship, men’s mental health, invisible labor, community support, modern relationships
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