March 6, 2023

Don't Blame It On The Pandemic

Don't Blame It On The Pandemic

I want to talk about the loneliness epidemic. People are talking about it like it's something that the pandemic brought about, but it's not. It has been here for a long time. The loneliness epidemic was here long before the 2019 pandemic, but people were more likely to speak about it, speak about the fact that they were at home alone, or they felt loneliness, that they felt like, wow, I don't have anyone near me. I don't have someone to turn to. I want to say, don't blame the pandemic. This is something that's been here long before. It's been happening decade after decade. It came to a point where I think, and I've said this before, I think that people felt ashamed, that it was their fault that they didn't have any friends, which meant that there was something wrong with them. But what we noticed was throughout the decades, it was getting worse and worse, and that you are not at fault.

I want to talk about the loneliness epidemic. People are talking about it like it's something that the pandemic brought about, but it's not. It has been here for a long time. The loneliness epidemic was here long before the 2019 pandemic, but people were more likely to speak about it, speak about the fact that they were at home alone, or they felt loneliness, that they felt like, wow, I don't have anyone near me. I don't have someone to turn to.

I want to say, don't blame the pandemic. This is something that's been here long before. It's been happening decade after decade. It came to a point where I think , and I've said this before, I think that people felt ashamed, that it was their fault that they didn't have any friends, which meant that there was something wrong with them.

But what we noticed was throughout the decades, it was getting worse and worse, and that you are not at fault. People are not at fault. It's the way society has been moving towards.

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Don't Blame the Pandemic, It's Not All the Pandemic's Fault
[00:00:00] FAWN: Welcome back. Thank you for being here with us today, and every week.
[00:00:05] FAWN: I wanna talk about the loneliness epidemic. People are talking about it like it's something that the pandemic brought about, but it's not. It has been here for a long time. The loneliness epidemic was here long before the 2019 pandemic, but people were more likely to speak about it, speak about the fact that they were at home alone, or they felt loneliness, that they felt like, wow, I don't have anyone near me. I don't have someone to turn to. Wow. Those are our kids laughing in the background, . And so, wow, there's a lot of noise all of a sudden. Um, So I want to say, don't blame the pandemic. This is something that's been here long before. It's been happening decade after decade. It came to a point where I think , and I've said this before, I think that people felt ashamed, that it was their fault that they didn't have any friends, which meant that there was something wrong with them.
[00:01:12] FAWN: But what we noticed was throughout the decades, it was getting worse and worse, and that you are not at fault. People are not at fault. It's the way society has been moving towards is that, "let me do it on my own, you should do everything on your own. You should be self-sufficient. You should do everything by yourself. You should live by yourself." (Sarcastically) God forbid you live with your family or, you know what I'm saying? Like, or you share things like we don't share, we didn't have food together. Getting together, and I wanna say this mostly happened more so in the United States than in other countries and with other cultures.
[00:01:57] FAWN: So I wanna say don't blame the pandemic. 
[00:02:01] MATT: right Between the expansion between the basically creation of the quote unquote nuclear family to people moving across the country for jobs. I mean, we already saw kind of this fracturing and the splintering of, what would be traditionally a support group because that would come from your childhood friends, from your immediate family, from 
[00:02:22] MATT: those relationships that you had made. 
[00:02:24] FAWN: There's also a lot more going on. Let's get back to the childhood friend thing, being friends with people in school, yes. Once in a while you find your best friend or once in a while you see people that have best friends that they have known since, I don't know, kindergarten and they grow up together.
[00:02:46] MATT: Right. 
[00:02:46] FAWN: And you know, that's very rare. . 
[00:02:49] MATT: Yes. 
[00:02:49] FAWN: For the most part. It's like, it's like you're, you're in the same room with people or you're in the same situation with people. So you, yes, you have that in common, but that doesn't equate to friendship. Like, you know, we asked, let's really think every week about what defines friendship, what does friendship really mean?
[00:03:11] FAWN: And just because you see the same people or you do have the same interests. It doesn't make a friend. It's like, you're kind of stuck in the same thing together. Do you know, do you understand what I'm saying? 
[00:03:25] MATT: Stockholm syndrome, Stanford prison experiment; you're sharing an experience, but it's not necessarily a good one.
[00:03:32] MATT: Yes. 
[00:03:32] FAWN: And I'm not saying that it's not a good one, and it could be a good one. , but people say, well, you know, people don't make friends because they're not in school anymore. It's harder for adults to make friends. I totally disagree with that. I would say it's way easier for adults to make friends because you have more freedom.
[00:03:56] FAWN: You can go anywhere you choose. You can go to a bar, you can go to a coffee shop, you can go to the beach. You don't have to depend on someone else to take you there because you're too young to go. Kids are in school and everything is catered. Everything is, yeah. Uh, it's the only word order I can think of.
[00:04:18] FAWN: Mm-hmm. . But like, they're really, um, what's the word for it? They're, they're captive. . Much like people say, well, you know, we can't make friends because we all don't work in the office anymore. It's like, yeah, because what? You were captive. You're not captive. I think look at, I think you have the world at your fingertips.
[00:04:46] FAWN: and yes, I was against social media and, and the internet, all of that. But truly, you have the world at your fingertips. You can make friends with anyone as long as they're like wifi or whatever you call it. Matt, what do you call it? 
[00:05:01] MATT: wifi works 
[00:05:02] FAWN: as long as you have the ability or whatever, the techy tech, as long as you have some tech, you can make friends with anyone in or anywhere in the.
[00:05:13] FAWN: and that's just one example, but you can go out and find people. There are people everywhere. We're surrounded. I mean, how many billions of people live on this planet? 
[00:05:24] MATT: Truth, 
[00:05:25] FAWN: wherever you go, there's somebody there. And like I've always said, if you don't, if you start with a squirrel, there's life everywhere.
[00:05:35] FAWN: And to be sensitive enough to have compassion for a squirrel or a bird or water. We're gonna have a very special person, hopefully on with us who communes with water and they're all the scientists around the world, they're working together and they're working on hydrogliphs and understanding that water communicates with us and we can communicate with water.
[00:06:01] FAWN: And I don't think it's just water, I think, I don't think it's just water. I think there's so much that if you look at what's in front of you, there's so much out there that you can't see that is communicating with you. I think once you are open to that, you realize that we're not alone, and you realize you have friends everywhere.
[00:06:26] FAWN: Your ability to communicate and bond with and have support from and with is everywhere and it's unlimited. So don't blame the pandemic. But I'm grateful that we came to a point where people actually started talking about it and started to actually say, you know what? I feel lonely. It's a legitimate feeling.
[00:06:55] FAWN: Yes. And to come to terms with that is amazing to realize that you're having this feeling; that around the world, a lot of people have been having this feeling for a long time to, acknowledge it, I think is such a positive, wonderful step. 
[00:07:17] MATT: Absolutely, yes. Removing the kind of the social stigma.
[00:07:21] MATT: Because a lot of now research and thought around it revolves around the children, but we can extend that and people are extending that to themselves and they're talking about how, oh, whoa, whoa. To me, the Gen Z people, because high school, they were quarantined and they're starting jobs now and they don't know, you know, they don't know how to make friends 
[00:07:44] FAWN: well, and so people have been saying, They've lost the vocabulary.
[00:07:50] FAWN: I think a lot of scientists are saying, uh, the vocabulary has been lost now because of the pandemic. Right? That they don't even know, they don't have the vocabulary to make friends. What's the term they use when they say stuff like that? That's 
[00:08:04] MATT: vocabulary is more what I say, but like, they, they lack the skills.
[00:08:09] MATT: Um, you know, it, people would say that how you make friends in preschool is, you know, let's play. It's literally two words. It's all you have to do. Well, that's 
[00:08:20] FAWN: what you say, Matt. I think that's your terminology. That's how you would connect with people. It's like, let's play like one of the first questions that I remember you asking me when we met was, what do you do for fun?
[00:08:36] FAWN: and which angrified me because , I'm like, I don't think that I even have the ability to even like give myself the grace to ask that question. Like fun. I go to work, I'm struggling with everything. Like I'm trying to get things done. Like, you know, what do you do for fun? But I think that's your vocabulary is play and, and I think that's been one of your key things to maintaining a friendship is play by playing games, by, um, having something at like, uh, you like to play. What do you call that? Frisbee thing? Disc golf. Disc golf. . 
[00:09:17] MATT: I like to play disc golf. I like to talk about professional sports 
[00:09:21] FAWN: or you like to bat the batting 
[00:09:24] MATT: cages. Batting cages are always fun. Absolutely.
[00:09:27] FAWN: So that's, you've always migrated towards play. Yes. 
[00:09:32] MATT: Well, yeah, and, and. Quote, unquote, my favorite way to work out would be to ride my bike anywhere. 
[00:09:38] FAWN: Yeah. And so for me, I'm like, well, that's nice. like, okay, so here's the thing, , I remember a few years ago when we moved to yet another state, I tried to reach out to people and they're like, I like to hike.
[00:09:54] FAWN: And because I just wanted to make friends, I'm like, okay, I like to hike. But deep down I was like, no, I don't. I hate it. That's torture. And it made me want to not make friends. I'm like, I don't wanna go hiking, but I have to go hiking because that's the only way I can make friends. And then coming to terms with myself, I love food and I like to eat.
[00:10:18] FAWN: So I think from now on I'm just gonna say, you know, Hiking is good. Thank you. But I have short legs and I hate keeping up with people. You know? I feel like I have to run to keep up. Right. Even with you guys, even with the kids , like even when the kids were like shorter than I was back then, right? Um, no, I'm just gonna say, you know what, I like to eat
[00:10:41] FAWN: Can we go eat, like, and talk and experience different tastes? I'm not saying I'm, I'm. . You know, I'm a vegan, I'm healthy, I'm, I try to stay fit, but I, I want to eat. I, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't wanna go on a stressful hike, thank you. Right. But just being honest like that with myself and saying, oh, that's good.
[00:11:04] FAWN: You like to hike, but I'm gonna find someone that likes to eat . It takes the pressure off of myself Right. To, it's hard to go out, out and meet someone to make friends. And so don't make it harder on yourself by doing something you feel like you have to do. If you're not a person that likes to go to a bar, cuz that's a weird energy right there.
[00:11:30] FAWN: It is. Don't do it. You know, even when you're trying to find your true love or finding someone to date, don't do it if that is not your thing, don't do it. Be honest with yourself and figure out what you really like to do. Which brings me to the advice that I keep hearing people say cuz I'm always listening.
[00:11:49] FAWN: Now more and more people are talking about friendships and more people are asking, well, how do I make a friend? I'm like, hello. Our podcast, hello. Our life's work for the last 15 years, Matt. 15 years. So the advice I keep hearing people tell is go out in groups go out in groups. And I wanna say to you, don't do it.
[00:12:15] FAWN: Don't go out in a group when you're just making friends. When you're just starting to make friends. Don't do it. Fawn says no to that, no group activity. Do you know why? 
[00:12:28] MATT: because you'll just 
[00:12:29] MATT: hang out with the people that you're friends 
[00:12:31] FAWN: with before? No, no. You're not friends with them.
[00:12:33] FAWN: You're going out with a group. You're meeting people in a group 
[00:12:36] FAWN: atmosphere. 
[00:12:36] MATT: Oh, you mean like actually like doing one of those, like a meetup where everybody's gonna go on a hike to a river, 
[00:12:43] FAWN: either a meetup or you just started to know someone. You just met someone, but you don't really know them.
[00:12:49] FAWN: Mm-hmm. . And they're like, well, let's go out with a bunch of people. , right? Or you go to like, , I don't know, some sort of event to make people make friends together. Do you know what I'm saying? Like a networking event. Yeah. To look for friends, I would stay clear of that. Don't do it.
[00:13:05] FAWN: Here's my point.  If you're gonna do that, and you are really wanting to make friends, but you haven't explored your own personality, , you might as well stay home in bed by yourself. I mean, if that's your goal to make friends and you go out in a group and you're not comfortable with that, if you haven't done what I'm about to tell you, like if you haven't totally explored what your truth is, like for me, you know, I realized I don't wanna go horseback riding with someone who does it, you know, and say, yeah, I can horseback ride.
[00:13:38] FAWN: You know what I'm saying? Like, So to go in a group like that, might as well just stay home. You'll have a better time by yourself at home. Don't do it. So start by being with one person and find your stability in that. Practice, speaking with someone and realizing there's so much to pick up on when you look at someone because we are in such a hurry all the time and we are so bogged with so many responsibilities and there's so many things clamoring for our attention that it's hard to just be still in one moment, be still in the moment and really look at the person in front of you. And I'm talking everything like the micro movements.
[00:14:32] FAWN: There's something I wanna talk about later, which is thought bridges, which are thoughts or communication that happens in between words, in the silent moments, what's really being said. Now, how can you do that in a group? In a group, you're gonna pick up on mass consciousness and it's confusing. It's too much.
[00:14:53] FAWN: So to start off with baby steps, I would say one person at a time and practice listening and practice making a situation , , where you are being heard. So don't put it all on one person, the person in front of you. Don't put all the responsibility on them to hear you, but make it so that you are being heard in a very gentle, loving way
[00:15:22] FAWN: mm-hmm. as much as you are hearing them. So these are skills to develop and we've talked about like, go back to all of our other podcasts, all of our episodes that is, and we talk about that. We talk about it through martial arts. We talk about it, I mean, we've talked about this for now, three, almost three years. So we talk about how you can notice things, how you can develop a situation where you are heard.
[00:15:55] FAWN: So there's that. . And when you have that stability with that one person, once you learn that dynamic of the back and forth, that is how you make friends. And once you have that with one person, that gives you the confidence. It's like, it's your understanding of how you contribute to the world. What's easy for you?
[00:16:27] FAWN: What's effortless? What things bring you joy? What is your power? What is your power? Where does your power lie within you? Like what is that? When you know these things, including when you know what your weaknesses are, like for example, mine, my weakness, I have. , but like, I think it's really important to know what your weakness is.
[00:16:55] FAWN: Especially this is before you go into a crowd, right?  Once you know what your weakness is and you own it, and you don't let it hurt you, then you're ready to go into a crowd and ready to lead. So my, one of my weaknesses, I'll just pull one out of like thin air is, I don't know. Like, I feel like I'm still stuck in high school, junior high school.
[00:17:23] FAWN: Mm-hmm. , where I was, I would study and study and study and I would get these D minuses. Like it was ridiculous. And I, I like, I don't know. I don't know. And then also, I'm the kind of person that is not assuming. So even if I know, something . I'm like, but I really don't know cuz there's so many possibilities. So I'm not gonna say that's the way.
[00:17:49] FAWN: Even if it's an algebraic problem, I'm like, I don't know. The world is so expansive. The world is so bizarre that that algebra problem could be wrong at some point when we realize it. I don't know. So my weakness is because I don't know, I can go in front of a bunch of people and go, I don't know this.
[00:18:11] FAWN: what's going on with this? So that's when you can ask questions and you can ask for help. Like, which always leads to what is going on. Like, I brought this up today, like what's going on with electricity? We had an electrician come to our house and he said something really bizarre to me in the basement that scared me.
[00:18:32] FAWN: I was talking about EMFs and most people don't believe in EMFs and they don't believe that it can hurt you. So I was talking about that. I'm like, can we figure out a way to block it and neutralize it, whatever. So I was trying to look for this device and I got something and he had to install it.
[00:18:52] FAWN: Right? Right. And he, I had to give him specific directions that the manufacturer gave to me. Right. And then when I gave it to him, he had to do a little homework before he came to our house, and as he was putting it together, he let me know that he did the homework. He's like, you know, it's really interesting because I've been doing this for 35 years and I read all this stuff on what you're talking about and there is just some truth to it, like, and he turned to me and he said, you're not gonna believe some of this stuff I've seen electricity do . It's unexplainable . And I didn't pursue that conversation cause I was in the basement, it was dark and I didn't know this guy. So I'm like, right, Uhhuh, , . So, you know, but that's one thing. I don't know, like, what's up with electricity? Like today I was talking to you, I'm like, what happens when the car gets hit with lightning. Like, are we supposed to get out of the car, like with both feet touching at the same time? Like what? I don't know. When I was a kid, I heard something like, don't come out the car with one foot in the car and one foot not in the car. Mm-hmm. like you have to do. You know what I'm saying?
[00:20:05] FAWN: Yes. Like there's so many things about the world that is mystifying to me. Like, I don't know. I don't know how is glass made? I really don't know. So. What is it I don't know. , how things work. What should you do when this happens or that happens like, because that is my weakness, I feel like I don't know anything,
[00:20:30] FAWN: I don't care. I don't care if, if no, because you know, when you go to a party, when you're in a group and to make things comfortable for themselves, people will just bring up things that they know. Like, oh, I'm, I have a PhD in such and such, and What books are you reading? Do you know what I'm saying?
[00:20:48] FAWN: It's like all of a sudden you have to have a resume of what books you've read and what you're reading right now, right? And like what, what's your knowledge base? It's either what do you do for a living and what do you know? So my weakness is I don't know anything. And you know what? I haven't had time to read in a while
[00:21:07] FAWN: um, you know what I'm saying? Right. No. So I'm not gonna use, I'm not gonna allow for that to be a weakness for me. I know it's a, it's my weakness, right. But I'll just be very upfront and if that person can't hang with me, then bye. Thank you very much. Do you know what I'm saying? Absolutely. And that, with that, um, it's knowing what my weakness is.
[00:21:33] FAWN: and I'm not gonna be caught off guard by it, so I'm not gonna be off guard when someone says, you don't know anything, you're ignorant. You know what I'm saying? . And so with that, I can have confidence in a crowd. I can still lead a crowd, even though I may be ignorant in something.
[00:21:54] FAWN: Which leads us to the word CONFIDENT comes from a Latin word, F I D E R E, Fidere, or fidere, once again, I don't know how to pronounce it, but that Latin word means to trust, and it's about trust. It's about confidence, and I've been hearing this message come to me, someone could have talent and have no trust or belief in themselves, and another person can have total belief and trust in themselves and no talent.
[00:22:34] FAWN: The person with a trust and the belief will always succeed. The person with a talent and no trust or belief or confidence will not most likely succeed. But if you have both, you're unlimited.
[00:22:54] MATT: So circling back to strengths, weaknesses, when I'm in a group situation, ugh, my, my quote unquote weakness, I think my superpower is I can get anybody to like me, but I do that by being a social chameleon, which is not necessarily a great thing. It's great for acquaintances. It's really a terrible thing for friends, cuz you gotta show the 
[00:23:15] MATT: warts.
[00:23:17] FAWN: Explain what a social, , chameleon is to other countries that are listening. 
[00:23:21] MATT: Fair enough. So a social chameleon is somebody who can, people will assume that I think just like they do, which gets them to open up, which is very flattering. But if I don't actually agree with them, you can hear some really ugly things, which they consider truths and so maybe they're ugly truths, who knows?
[00:23:43] MATT: But for example, you can see a lot of 
[00:23:45] FAWN: ugliness. For example, this is when I'm not with you by the way. You're more able to do this when I'm not around, but like depending, okay, so in the United States right now, it's very split. So you're either Republican or a Democrat, or you're like a Trump supporter or you're anti-Trump, whatever, right?
[00:24:04] FAWN: If I'm not around and they look at you depending on whatever they are, they think you're one of them. Yes. So you could be a Trump supporter in one crowd. The other crowd, you could be like a total liberal guy, right? Yes. Until I show up, they're like, oh, , oh dear. And interracial marriage, , 
[00:24:23] MATT: whatever. Anyways, and then so is that a strength?
[00:24:26] MATT: Is that a weakness? However, my greatest weakness is it feels like. , I'm very, I can be very intellectual and I know a lot of really interesting things, but I don't wanna share them because I don't wanna seem elitist at all. . And so it's very uncomfortable for me to start, see, that's spreading my 
[00:24:48] FAWN: truths, but that is elitist right there.
[00:24:51] FAWN: Exactly. Thinking, oh, they're gonna feel inferior to moi, so 
[00:24:56] MATT: I'm over. So I overthink it. . So I, you should for 
[00:25:00] FAWN: think it. Okay, so bottom line, always go with your heart, right? Everyone has the ability to learn in a split second, they can be astrophysicists in their, in their knowledge for about one particular little tiny thing within a conversation, which is what's great about friendship, 
[00:25:19] FAWN: yes. So for someone to block that, because they think this person is stupid and can't understand. It's not about, and I'm not saying that's what you think, but I'm just saying in a way ki it kind of is , right? 
[00:25:34] MATT: No, no. I don't want them to look at me like I'm putting on airs. 
[00:25:40] FAWN: Okay. Okay. But if it's coming from your heart and you're, you're openly, consciously, uh, exuding that, it will never appear as arrogant. I'm sorry I cut you 
[00:25:56] MATT: off. Go on. It's, it's one of the many things I've worked on cuz I, I have gotten that kind of feedback back to me as, you know, I can sound elitist or so, you know, the social chameleon, everybody likes me. 
[00:26:09] FAWN: Well, you sound elitist when there's no heart in it.
[00:26:12] FAWN: When there is no compassion. Right. You know, you have to have love. when it's just information. Yeah. It's awful. . 
[00:26:21] MATT: Thanks babe.
[00:26:22] FAWN: It's gro. No, I'm not thinking about you. I'm, I'm thinking about like, I know someone, like, there are certain family members that have no social iq. They just spout equations. Well, 
[00:26:35] MATT: they, they, they spout their standup routines too.
[00:26:39] MATT: Right. 
[00:26:40] FAWN: And that is just not genuine. It's gross. Right, right. Okay. . 
[00:26:46] MATT: Yeah, I, and I'm as guilty as they are in some cases. I have certain stories. I have rehearsed with timing and everything. Oh God, no I don't. I know. Isn't that God awful? That's gross, babe. Stop that. But you hear it for the first time. 
[00:26:57] FAWN: You think I'm brilliant?
[00:26:58] FAWN: No, no. Stop it. It's gross. It is gross, but, and it's really gross when I find out what you've done, like it was rehearsed. I'm like, Ew, what else have you done, , that has not been genuine. And I was stupid enough to think it. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, I derailed you. What were you talking about? What were you saying?
[00:27:18] MATT: Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Well, you 
[00:27:23] FAWN: were talking about putting on airs, 
[00:27:25] MATT: right? As being one of my weaknesses. Mm-hmm. . And so it's really hard when I'm in a group situation, I just, I'm super quiet. So groups, meeting groups don't necessarily work well for me in that context. And that's why I think groups, meeting groups don't work
[00:27:40] MATT: or hanging out doing work. It does work. Doing a group hang type thing, because I just, I'm just silent. 
[00:27:46] FAWN: Well, because you haven't practiced the one-on-one enough. It's like going from, it's like going from one plus one math to all of a sudden some calculus. , you need the steps in between to understand the calculus.
[00:28:04] FAWN: Right. Not that I know about calculus. You guys ? I'm trying. We're teaching the kids. Oh my goodness. Anyway, that's another subject. Well, if you 
[00:28:13] MATT: don't know how to add fractions together mm-hmm. , it gets hard to solve equations with 
[00:28:17] FAWN: fractions. Exactly. And, and that's, that's how it works going to a group situation, just focus on friendship one-on-one.
[00:28:25] FAWN: Right. And then maybe two . And once you get a hold of that, right, once you get a hold of your own strengths, you're magnificent in the crowd, you'll be the life of the party. 
[00:28:39] MATT: And you know what? Today, this morning I actually found myself in a crowd situation. There was about eight or 10 of us. Mm-hmm. . And it started with just one-on-one.
[00:28:50] MATT: And. Mushroomed out. Yeah. 
[00:28:52] FAWN: You need to warm up to
[00:28:53] MATT: I And I was, I was, I was much better. 
[00:28:56] FAWN: Good. 
[00:28:56] MATT: Yes, yes. Getting to confidence versus talent, you know, certainly if you have zero confidence in a hundred percent, in a hundred talent, whatever that means. It's gonna be hard because you're gonna second guess everything that you do, and that is certainly going to limit what you do if you have a hundred percent confidence and zero talent.
[00:29:19] MATT: If that holds, if that doesn't change, I think you're still gonna, I think you're still in a loss game, but I think that when you have a hundred percent confidence and 0% talent, at some point you start to realize that there are these absolute measures of competence. and you can start bolstering your talent cuz you'll have the opportunity to, because you will have cracked open a few doors by telling people that you're great at blah, blah, blah, blah, even if you're not.
[00:29:49] MATT: And so we start to see this, the perception of confidence turns the perception of maybe confidence in your talent, you start to actually get talent. 
[00:30:01] FAWN: Look, I think, your misunderstanding confidence, you just made it seem like, oh, well you can lie about it. You can say, I'm talented at such and such. I don't think that's what it's meant here.
[00:30:12] FAWN: I don't think that's the message. The message is that you are confident of success. It's not saying that I'm confident I can, uh, do a concerto tonight, where I don't even play any music. It's about, I believe I have it in me to do it 
[00:30:33] MATT: right. I'm kind of taking it almost into a kind of a work context and where I started in say the software development industry, I had my degree, I had tons of confidence.
[00:30:46] MATT: I kind of had no skills and I kind of acquired those along the way. Mm-hmm. . But because the things you learn at a university aren't necessarily the things you do at your job . So I guess I'm equating it to that cuz it's hard to come up with places where you can actually objectively measure your talent.
[00:31:08] MATT: That's kind of the trick. 
[00:31:10] FAWN: See, you always go to measuring stuff, which is why I don't like to play games with you cuz you wanna keep score , you have to measure everything and anything I wanna buy for the house. You're like, have you measured it? Where is it gonna go? I'm like, I'm gonna figure it out. I have belief and faith.
[00:31:28] FAWN: I trust that I know where things go and it works perfectly every time. So what I'm saying is you, you're being too concrete with it. I think you have to have that belief in the unknown, the things that you cannot see. I have faith that the world is headed towards a better place. Now, can I measure it right now to explain that?
[00:31:54] FAWN: No. If I measured it, it looks horrible,
[00:32:00] FAWN: but I have faith and I have confidence in my own inner knowing that I know something good is happening that's about to come forward. . That's what I'm talking about. And I completely see, and that's the key to success. If you don't have that, and I'm not, I'm not talking about, I'm confident that I'm an algebra wiz, no , but I'm confident that I can figure it out somehow.
[00:32:34] MATT: Well, Exact what I was ex, 
[00:32:37] FAWN: is that what you're saying about to say, okay. I'm sorry to cite 
[00:32:39] MATT: Dr. Carol Dweck. Who's that? I don't know. Random person I discovered. Why would you say that? . Okay. Random person I discovered. So it is somebody out there. It is somebody out there. Confidence gives us a growth mindset, and then if we are confident that we can accomplish something, we'll be willing to do the hard work to achieve it.
[00:33:04] FAWN: again, that's very hardcore. 
[00:33:06] MATT: That's very hardcore and little. It's all looking at numbers. We start, we start turning it into, if we have this growth mindset, if we are confident, then all of a sudden we're quote unquote manifesting. Mm-hmm. because we believe it, because we have this nasty habit of when we're not confident, we can interpret a neutral signal back to us as negative, as opposed to it being really neutral. Mm-hmm. as opposed to it being an opportunity for growth as opposed to, you know, and also when we, we lack confidence, um, people like hanging out with positive people. People like hanging out with confident people. People feed off of confidence. Confidence is sexy. So we like to hang out, we like to be close to, we like to associate with positive growth mindset people, which gives us more opportunities, which allows us opportunities to build our, talents, our networks, our our lives. Mm-hmm. as opposed to your mindset holding you back, 
[00:34:15] FAWN: and that positivity, that feeling of knowing that there's a positive out there. So for example, this is, this is a tool I learned the past week that once I heard it, I was like, this is what's been missing. Because I'm a very, I have, we've had so much trauma that I'm always jittery, I'm always, um, sleep deprived. Right. Whatever. Go down the list. I came to the realization, I don't feel so great about the future.
[00:34:51] FAWN: and that kind of thinking manifests itself in different ways; foot problems, or you're not attracting enough money, whatever, like it, it affects everything. So I learned this tool last week, you guys, it's, it's about how do you really change your future? How do you really have the things in your life that you want? Friendships all of that, money, the house, the career, where you want to live, what you want to do, whatever's in the future that you really want, right? What you have to do is love that future and know that that future loves you so much, that it loves you, that it is more real than you are right now. It is more real than you are right now, that future. I'm saying it like that because that future absolutely exists. Whatever you can think of, it exists. Like someone told me, oh, like a long time ago I went to a psychic and they're like, I don't see the lottery in your future dang. I'm like, that's funny, I do. And this fu the future, like the whole time thing, everything exists, and especially if it's in your consciousness, like if it's something that you've been thinking about, please know that it does exist already. If you thought about it, it exists and if you focus on it, you can pull it in. But if you send it love and know that it loves you, that that future, wherever you are in that future and whatever you're doing that you really want, that you love, it loves you so much because it wants you, it wants to connect with you. It wants you there. It's waiting for you. And that includes friendship. So to have that love about it, love your future, and I think that there's so much anxiety in the world that we have so much anxiety, we don't realize that anxiety taints it.
[00:37:12] FAWN: When you think about your future, it's like, yeah, I want my career to be this way. I want my books to succeed. I wanna make a wonderful, wonderful influence in the world, but if I have a tinge of anxiety about it, it's a bad connection. Right? But if you could just melt into it, like with total love and excitement for it, and leave all of that anxiety aside, and this is what this person said,
[00:37:45] FAWN: loving your future. It's the same feeling like, let's say you okay? I, I can say for myself, it's been really cold here. And if I turn on a shower with hot, with like not hot, hot water, but really warm, comforting water. You know that sense where you go into a hot shower, that warm sensation where everything, not only your physical body but your spirit's like, ah, do you know that feeling I'm talking about?
[00:38:19] FAWN: Absolutely. That's what you need to connect with when you think about your future and your future with everything, including friendship. And that's the, I think that's the key, yes. Is to love it cuz it loves you more, it loves you more . And that's it. That's all I'm gonna say today. That sounds 
[00:38:42] MATT: really good. I would, I would just merely add just the tiniest little coda, which doesn't.
[00:38:48] MATT: Zen mind, beginner's mind, which is something I've talked about, which is just embrace and look, try and look at things differently and look at things, you know, growing and changing and, and you know, will help as well. Will help to manifest with a 
[00:39:03] FAWN: sense of wonder. 
[00:39:05] MATT: Yes. With a sense of wonder. Yes. Yeah. 
[00:39:07] FAWN: Love you guys again.
[00:39:10] FAWN: Please help us out by telling everyone about this podcast about what we're doing what we're doing is bringing back the art of friendship, remembering the steps along the way, and transforming our world into a beautiful, cohesive, lovely one. Love you so much. Talk to you in just a few days. Take care. Bye.
[00:39:35] FAWN: Are you, you're not gonna say bye . 
[00:39:38] MATT: Be well. I love you sweet P.