Why it's so important to end things on a proper note so that you can have a great new beginning; from friendships to jobs, to moving to a new place.
How You End is How You Begin
Why it's so important to end things on a proper note so that you can have a great new beginning; from friendships to jobs, to moving to a new place.
How You End is How You Begin
[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello?
[00:00:01] Matt: Hello?
[00:00:02] Fawn: Hi. Oh, so bears trucks, neighbors, wire transfers, bears documents. It has been
[00:00:12] Matt: nuts. What a long, strange
trip it's been
[00:00:15] Fawn: This talk today is inspired by one of our friends. Who reminded us a couple years ago, really like to really think about it. Something we've always thought about. Like, I, I never, for this very reason, I'm just about to explain.
I never, did the normal thing for like new year's Eve and stuff like that because how you end is how you begin. So I never, I. Well, sometimes I did but like sometimes I did, but like I never cursed the year before and said nuts to you, 2020 yay. For 2020, you know, 20, 21 or whatever the
[00:00:56] Matt: right.
You know? Yeah. Yeah. Why do you blasting the old while praising this completely unknown new?
[00:01:02] Fawn: So Heather who was on our show a while, while back. Heather the advisor, she brought up this phrase of how you end is how you begin. So how you begin is connected directly linked to how you ended something.
So folks, we finally did it.. We moved, we moved, we moved far away to another part of the planet. And we made sure ceremonial in all ways that we definitely ended things on a note that was. Clear. How would you say it? Mind you we're both still exhausted. We're still deep in the thick of a move and I think last night was the first time we slept in, in a real bed, in a real bed
in over a month and a half.
[00:01:56] Matt: No.
[00:01:57] Fawn: Yes,
[00:01:57] Matt: no.
[00:01:58] Fawn: First of all, we've already been here for two weeks. Yeah, but we slept and you thought we were here last week.
[00:02:03] Matt: We slept in a real bed two weeks plus one day ago. Right.
[00:02:08] Fawn: Briefly at a hotel. Yeah. See, no, it was still uncomfortable. I'm sorry.
[00:02:13] Matt: it was still uncomfortable.
[00:02:15] Fawn: It was like for a, what?
Two nights? Two nights.
[00:02:18] Matt: Yeah. Two luxurious nights.
[00:02:20] Fawn: Mm. Not so luxurious because stuff was happening, but it has been nuts you guys, and we, so we moved, but we made sure that there was reverence and a sense of respect as much as possible. To the place that we were leaving to the situation that we were leaving to the place, the physical place, the people around us.
And it's interesting because once you start that thing, it's kind of not kind of, but it is a ceremonial thing where things that you don't even think about things, that you don't even try to compose end up kind of being composed in the same manner. Like we were very conscious about making sure that we said thank you to everyone and everything around us in the place we were at; the place we were leaving.
Right. Right. And then things happened in that same kind of manner without us orchestrating it. For example, our friend Holly pretty much drove not she didn't drive. Well, she drove some distance, but she flew I'm I'm still so nuts from moving. I, I can
[00:03:33] Matt: barely speak. Yeah. We're in a different time zone and that's really kind of screwed
[00:03:36] Fawn: us up.
It's not the time zone. It's like a whole, just my whole body is aching. I'm in so much pain guys,
So Holly flew all the way out to where we were, so we could all have a nice dinner together. Like went out of her way, spent all this money to just be with us the last night so that we would feel happier and we would feel safer, you know, just, we would, we would feel better.
We would have some fun. And we were not in the mood to have fun. We were exhausted already and she forced me to go out. So we went out for drinks, just the two of us, just us girls and this while,
[00:04:17] Matt: while I stayed home and I made dinner, you,
[00:04:20] Fawn: did you ordered dinner? I I'm sorry. I ordered dinner. That's right.
We had no dishes for like two months. So we started camping out in a bare apartment two months before we left. We had nothing. Everything was gone. It was not two
[00:04:34] Matt: months before. Oh, it was okay. You could split the hairs and
[00:04:38] Fawn: say, yes, I think you're starting to wipe it clean. Like you don't remember all this stuff on purpose, but it was two months.
Like everything was, we had pots
[00:04:49] Matt: and pans until like the
[00:04:52] Fawn: No, we didn't. No, we didn't. I packed everything away. Must you argue with me? I'm trying to tell a story. . We packed EV I packed everything away. so we only had the camping gear. We had one tiny little crockpot that I ordered that cooks everything really fast and burns everything immediately.
And we had these, plastic utensil that is a spoon, a fork, and a knife at the same time. Remember. Yeah, that's what we had. And that was it we had the pot and we had these paper bowls that we would reuse over and over again.
Remember, okay. Please tell the story. Oh, now you want me to tell the story?
[00:05:32] Matt: Well, yeah, now that I'm wrong, I want you to tell the story. Come on.
[00:05:36] Fawn: Now I forgot what I was saying. Thanks. Oh, so Holly and I went out for drinks. While we were there, we ran into one of the yoga bitches and a friend by the way of hers
now that was friends because I got them together. So we went there. I was promptly. She was just staring at me and then Holly's like, what's the matter? I'm like, I'll tell you later. But I was thinking, wow, this is a perfect opportunity to even in my, my mind to release it, even though we had done it before, remember we kind of ran into her before, like a few weeks before that.
Right. And we, as a family, we said, thank you for all the experiences that this person brought to us, even though it brought us a lot of pain mm-hmm . Um, but anyway, it was weird because the other friend was now like the person who is part, I don't know if he's part owner, whatever it is of this establishment.
And I was like, Holly. I just wanna leave, like, forget it. I don't wanna get drinks here. She's like, no, we're getting our drinks. No. So anyway, she tricked me into it cause she's like, well, let's just go sit outside. I'm like, fine. Let's just go sit outside. And she ended up ordering drinks, like our favorite drinks.
And we sat there and we had a really nice time said goodbye to the mountains, the continental divide. So it was, you know what I'm saying? It, it even things that I didn't plan for mm-hmm, pretty much came together as a way for me to acknowledge and close, like have closure. Right, right. Anyway, so that happened what I'm trying to say is when you go with that sense of mind.
Things that you don't plan for also fall into place. Like everything falls into place pretty much. And I'm not saying that everything will be easy, cuz oh my God, things have been wild. Have they not literally wild guys, we have run into not run into, but we've come across so much wildlife.
[00:07:49] Matt: You mean
like the cute little squirrels and the cute little Cardinals and the little, the chipmunks, the what do they call it?
The little, the baby chipmunks chip bets. No. What heck were they calling them?
[00:07:59] Fawn: They call them something else besides chipmunk. Yes. Whatever this is getting boring. What we're trying to say was every day has been in. I don't know what the word is. I don't wanna say insane. It's been, it's been,
[00:08:11] Matt: it's been an adventure.
[00:08:13] Fawn: Holy moly. It seemed like at some point everything was going wrong. As in things were just not, first of all, they, everything started off smooth. Everything was great. We were tired, but everything was pretty much working smoothly and everything was done with intention. Then we got even more tired and even more like just exhausted.
Then things started to slow down and things weren't fitting into the puzzle that we thought perfectly like the car was supposed to show up. It was shipped, it was shipped thousands of miles and it was supposed to meet us at a certain day. It was like three, four days. And every day they were like, okay, today.
And then all day we waited and maneuvered all these appointments all around this delivery that was supposed to happen. It didn't happen for four days anyway. So we finally get to where we are and I get this call and the driver of this massive vehicle that carries 20 cars with it at the same time, he's like, Hey, I'm near you.
I'm down the street. I can't get any closer. I'm having a problem. So we run. we go in the street and that's when we meet all of our new neighbors or a lot of them. Right. A lot of them.
[00:09:32] Matt: Well, yeah, they were all out because it's, it's a spectacle because there's a big truck in the neighborhood, but anyways,
[00:09:37] Fawn: but I think it's a different culture where we moved to, because definitely people
react differently to things mm-hmm, , people are very different in their communication
[00:09:48] Matt: very much.
[00:09:49] Fawn: And also we've heard people are very standoffish and are not kind here, but honestly, we've experienced the opposite. Everyone has been very kind and it's been quite wonderful how we've found a way to make friends.
People are very into starting new friendships here. Right. You hear about. Wherever you go. I don't wanna say exactly where it is because I don't wanna condemn a place, but you always hear how like we did with Seattle. Remember we told you guys about the Seattle freeze, Seattle freeze.
Ooh. The Seattle freezes because people give you the cold shoulder. That's where the term comes from. So we don't wanna condemn any place to say, oh, this is what the people are known for, because it's really not true. So it's, it's how you go into it. You know, you can change things. You can create a whole different ripple wherever you step, you know?
Right. I forgot what were we saying? Oh, okay. So everybody was out all, a lot of the neighbors were out and there was all this commotion. One of the neighbors came up to me. I was standing next to this truck that was on. So this massive engine, it was really loud. So one of our neighbors is talking to me very emphatically.
He's weaving his hands and he's being very kind and all, I can hear every other word of what he's saying. I heard "they mean, you know, harm",
[00:11:17] Matt: which is good. It's good that the truck driver means, you know, harm and he is trying to keep you calm.
That's very nice,
[00:11:22] Fawn: but it wasn't the truck driver. It was a neighbor.
It was Steve. Yes. Steve was talking to me, but what I'm saying is I was standing near the truck.
[00:11:30] Matt: Right, right. No, no, no. And I get it, but that's that, that that's what you assumed
[00:11:34] Fawn: he was going through, right? No, because as he was saying, they mean you no harm. He was kind of motioning towards this one house on the corner.
So immediately where my mind went was, oh my God, are these people racists? Is he pointing to a neighbor? And telling me, don't worry. They mean you no harm. So immediately my mind goes to, oh my God, what kind of organization is this neighbor involved in? Right. Where you have to tell me, they mean me, no harm.
So I was just standing there looking at him kind of in shock. Like, why are you telling me this right now? And then he kept repeating it and pointing. I'm like, okay. And then I heard the word bear, and then I said, oh, and I thought, okay. They must have some weird, pets. So I said, they have a bear as a pet.
I'm like yelling and he's yelling and he is pointing. And, he's like, "No, they mean, you no harm!" I'm like they have a pet bear? He's like, no, and he's pointing emphatically now. Right. He motions for me to turn around and I turn around and there's a black bear behind me. meanwhile, the truck driver is there.
All the neighbors are there. Well, a lot of them and now there's this big black bear. That's just like walking and in the middle of this. And
[00:13:01] Matt: he's. 25 30 yards away. It's not like he's like breathing down your
[00:13:06] Fawn: neck or anything. I'm sorry. It was closer than that. You are not near me. When, when, when this happened, you came later after I started yelling that would
[00:13:16] Matt: be me folks.
[00:13:17] Fawn: What do you mean? That would be you that's. You're like, you're not, you always think things are like copacetic, but like I'm in, in, in something by myself, like trying to figure things out and I'm in some absurd situation and you're like, oh, it was no big deal. I'm telling you the bear was, it was right there.
It was right by the truck I was in front of the truck and this bear went right. Like he, he, he was closer than 25 yards. He was like, I don't know. He was just like a quarter of a block away. Not even that he was behind the truck. Basically. He just, he just strolls by like, hello, just walks into a Bush. And I'm standing there and, and now the truck drivers are all freaked out as well.
And they're all from Colorado. So I'm like, you guys must be used to this and they're like, no, we've never seen this in our lives. Like they're from Colorado. So, and then the neighbors were like, you must be used to this. You're from Colorado. And I said, no, I've never, I've never, no, never . And like the closest
we came to a bear thing was when we first moved to Boulder, it was all over the news that they've, there was a bear and they tranquilized it and it was all over. If you, if you Google like Boulder it'll show up, like how they tranquilized this bear. and then, escorted it out to deep in the mountain somewhere again, but they don't do that where we are, everybody lives together peacefully.
And so Steve was like, they mean, you no harm. I'm like, oh, that's what I think I started to use exp explicit. How do you expletives expletives?
[00:15:01] Matt: Oh dear. Oh my, what are you
[00:15:04] Fawn: I was like, holy. Sh like
[00:15:08] Matt: Shitake?
[00:15:10] Fawn: Well, I got scared because the bear was headed to where Elle and Allegra were; headed towards our backyard and the girls were just walking around.
And what was funny was not so funny as a mom, but Allegra had just said, mom, can I just go walking around the neighborhood by myself? And I had just told her, yeah, that sounds great, but let's make sure we know where everything is first mm-hmm , you know, because we can get lost. Um, cuz she wanted to go in the woods and I'm like, oh, okay.
Yeah. But then that's when I started yelling for Elle and Allegra and I didn't know if I should yell for them to come to me or run in the house. I don't know. I was, I was just like, I don't know what to do cuz that bear was headed towards them. That's when you come strolling along, by the way. Well, I see the
[00:16:02] Matt: guys and they're like taking pictures of it on their phones and it's like, it's at that point, it's 50 yards away and I'm just like, oh,
[00:16:11] Fawn: Hey, it's a bear, Matt.
This bear walked, like from where Steve and I was, and then he headed that way. So by the time you saw him, he was that far away. Right.
[00:16:21] Matt: Okay. And they were, everything was totally
[00:16:24] Fawn: Nope. Are you serious? You think it was mellow?
[00:16:27] Matt: At that point? When I showed up you, the bear was headed to the backyard, to our backyard and the ki I don't do you.
[00:16:36] Fawn: You make me nuts, man. but anyway, what does this have to do with our show topic today? And this has gone, gone on for way too long. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I mean, the trials of the trials and tribulations of beginning, something of moving forward, or just creating something in your life, it's not always going to be easy.
It may seem like it'll be okay, especially when you put forth good intentions and the right mindset, but the world is wild.
[00:17:13] Matt: Yes, it is
[00:17:14] Fawn: It's an adventure.
[00:17:16] Matt: Yes it is.
[00:17:17] Fawn: And things can happen that can cause you to lose your mind, which I, I'm not gonna lie. I've been crying every day. There has been so much stress.
But at the same time, it's a beginning. It's a, it's a brand new way. But going back to how you end is how you begin is important because when you leave something with a sense of anger or a sense of just like hate, I guess that will show up in the next phase of where you're going to.
if you're leaving a job and you leave without proper closure, mm-hmm if you leave that situation with a charge, a charge, meaning something that if you think about changes your body chemistry and is not a happy feeling, it's kind of , a karma situation because you end up reliving a certain situation
that's very similar to what you left until you have total closure and you no longer have a charge. So you keep reliving that charge until there's no charge anymore. Make sure that you erase the charge. You erase the charge by completely feeling the situation by feeling where you're at.
And this goes with friendships. Make sure that you have no charge on anyone.
Why are you staring at me like that? Why don't you
[00:18:44] Matt: just, I'm just, I'm just smirking because for those of us who don't know. Yeah. I've been through God since the beginning of this pandemic I've been been through. I don't know how many job changes. I just started another job in, uh, yeah, July. And yeah, all that stuff happens every single time.
It's like moving on some level, even though I'm working remotely, remotely, remotely, remotely, there's always different personalities, different, different, different, you know, even, even in the simplest move or the simplest job change, it's a matter of, figuring out where if you were in the office, the coffee room is or whatever, and that's in the basic sense.
but I find it, the thing I, thing that was most interesting about this job is before I started before day one passed, I took time and I sent thanks to people who had helped me along the way. And I think that that really set me up for, for success because my mind was calm. You know, it calmed me down. And even if, you were only to think about things selfishly like that, it's about
decluttering your, your mind, your soul, your psyche, your whatever. Yeah. You know, and, and start, and, and starting with as clean of a slate as you can manage.
[00:19:59] Fawn: Right? Not just not having
[00:20:00] Matt: a charge and open to adventure. Well, as clean of a slate, as you can manage is the problem. Right? Because, you know, there are some deep seated stuff that maybe you can't shake off, but you should really try,
[00:20:12] Fawn: even if you can't shake it off, if you ask for it to be
cleared it somehow will be.
[00:20:19] Matt: Sometimes. Yeah.
[00:20:20] Fawn: You know, and that, I guess it's called
[00:20:22] Matt: . Right. And, and sometimes for help, it can just be cleared by a random encounter with random person cuz right. You know, back in the day when, I was a teen I had one or three interesting, encounters with people that, told me that, Hey, things are gonna be okay.
Which is what I really needed at that point. So, you know, it's one of those cases where when the student is ready, the master appears, or you learn the lessons you need to learn, or all these other wonderful pithy sayings that, that start emerging. But I think it's true if you are open
[00:20:53] Fawn: That leads us to then new beginnings.
How do you begin a friendship? How do you continue that friendship? It's a little dance and it's, it's quite interesting because I find that we've reached a point in our culture where people, even if, they don't admit that they are lonely, they are totally up for connections. They're very up for doing something together.
Right. And connecting. And so for example, we met , a new friend. Every time we go out, we've met amazing people. And I have just said, I I'm treating it like how we started this whole thing years ago where we said, oh my God, it's like dating all over again. But just to find a friend I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go back to the dating thing.
So we go to a coffee shop or we go to a pretty area in town. It's kind of like when you're in that bar and you have that eye contact with someone from across the room, it's the same thing with friends. You have that eye contact, you know, there's so many people around you, but you spot someone you're both staring at each other and then you move closer together and you can, you can choose to say something or not say something, even if you nod.
And you walk away. That's not enough. Come on. Say hi, and then saying hi is not enough. So I just, I've just been taking it as far as I can take it. Yes, you have.
[00:22:25] Matt: You have been on fire darling.
[00:22:27] Fawn: Well, because I'm just, you know, I'm like, you know, come on. First of all, I'm so proud of us for getting out. Yeah. We, we thought we would never, ever go out again.
I thought we would be one of the people that come out of the depression era, you know, the people that went through the dust bowl era where like the. The next generations can't figure out why you hoard packets of sugar. You know, why, why are you holding onto these things? Why are you so obsessed with cleansing your hands?
Mm-hmm you know, previous generations that were raised in the 1920s, people don't understand why they have certain habits or certain idiosyncrasies. but you really have to be in their shoes to understand, oh my God, this is why they do what they're doing. It's a sense of comfort for them because they experienced some sort of trauma.
Right? So our trauma was, we were already germophobe because basically giving birth to our first daughter. We almost died because of carelessness at the hospital, right. Because of germs because of a virus. And so we were extreme germaphobes after that, but then here comes the pandemics a, a few years later and we're like, oh my, we, we never thought we would ever go out again.
You guys. And if we did, we thought we would be in hazmat suits basically forever. And so here we are, and we're not doing that. We're just like, we, we were kind of forced into being out there, swimming in the waters.
[00:24:03] Matt: Well, yeah, I mean, We ended up flying to where we are. So welcome to this wide, the wide world of being around people constantly swim
[00:24:13] Fawn: swimming in the waters.
I mean, we were, we, yeah, we were flying, but the plane was so small. It was packed. And have they have that? Have I gotten bigger? Do you think Matt, or have the seats gotten smaller? Because I don't remember both my shoulders, like totally like squished be between other people that I don't know. Right.
[00:24:36] Matt: See, yeah.
I've always been there. So I couldn't,
[00:24:38] Fawn: so I've gotten bigger. No, I don't think so. have I gained weight?
[00:24:43] Matt: Did look the airline we flew on. Yes. The seats did feel smaller than I'm I'm used
[00:24:48] Fawn: to, but I, I think things have changed. I think it's been a while since we, we used to be major. I used to jet set all the time,
[00:24:54] Matt: not me.
[00:24:55] Fawn: Um, wow. I. And nobody was masking. Anyway, I digress what was I saying? So what I do now is beyond I go beyond the hello, I go beyond the, where are you from? You know, whatever talking about the day, whatever I'm like, what's your phone number?
[00:25:16] Matt: hayoooo
[00:25:17] Fawn: so no, we, we exchange numbers
and then past that, now my next step is actually.
Oh, oh, I, I, then we texted each other after that to say, I'm so glad I met you, you know? And it was reciprocate reciprocated.
[00:25:32] Matt: Well, it's impossible not to reciprocate somebody paying you a compliment,
[00:25:35] Fawn: but people used to, right. People used to just like, ignore that stuff, but I'm now I'm like going to keep producing more steps, like hello, like today.
it will be a week since we met Marianne mm-hmm , I'm definitely reaching out to Marianne saying, Hey, happy one week meeting anniversary one week versity and let's meet again. Let's you know? Right. But that's it like go beyond the hello, go beyond the little small talk that starts something off. Go beyond that.
Just be brave. And, and say, ask, if you wanna hang out, ask, ask the person what they like. Ask the person, what their story is. People wanna talk about their stories.
[00:26:24] Matt: Everybody has at least one really great story to tell. And you, you can tease that out of anybody, cuz everybody loves to tell that story, whatever that silly story
[00:26:33] Fawn: is.
And the thing is that everybody is going through something at all times and they may not be saying it. They may not be verbalizing it. They may not be showing it, but everybody's going through something all the time and they need to talk to someone.
[00:26:50] Matt: Well, yes, man is the man is one of the social animals
[00:26:54] Fawn: and I'm not saying something bad.
I'm just saying they could have just been like, okay, so we met, we met this new friend. I did, uh, we were walking and it was this pretty area of town. When I saw her, it was that whole thing again, like from far away we noticed each other. Right. And we walked, I walked closer and we ended up talking and I'm like, what were you doing?
It looked like you were part of a movie scene, like a scene from a movie. You look like you were performing some sort of ceremony and the wind was hitting your hair just right. And you're wearing this beautiful. Flowy gown. Like, wow, what's what was going on. She's like I was doing a TikTok video
[00:27:39] Matt: hayooo,
[00:27:41] Fawn: but she was noticing how beautiful everything was and I could see it.
It was like, it was amazing. But you know, we ended up talking about that and that led to the next point of conversation and the next, and then we started asking questions and then we exchanged phone numbers. And we definitely told each other things that we know about our own selves and shared that.
And that's it. That's how you begin. And if you've not ended something properly, it's easy to do. All you do is be thankful for that experience. And that begins your clear slate. That begins closure and that frees you to beginning something new. And I'm gonna leave it with that for today, but how do you pronounce the name again?
G O E T H e
GOETHE (gerta) with that, I will, we will leave you off with Goethe quote: "For five minutes a day, look at something beautiful. Listen to something beautiful. Think of something beautiful. No matter what is happening around you for five minutes a day, look at something beautiful. Listen to something beautiful.
Think of something beautiful and begin the next minute. That was my little. thank you for listening guys. We probably sound crazy.
[00:29:17] Matt: We are a little
crazy right now, little sleep deprived.
[00:29:20] Fawn: You know, I, I just took a class with an agent for voiceovers. She said that she listens to obviously thousands and thousands of voices every week.
Mm-hmm . And she can tell if someone's depressed or if someone has done something new in their voice. God knows what we sound like right now.
[00:29:41] Matt: well, I'm always doing new
[00:29:42] Fawn: stuff. Oh, anyway. Thank you for listening. Love you. Here we go, guys. We wanna venture off. Please email us, let us know your thoughts. We're venturing off.
We're thinking of taking our little podcast studio outside in the wild. Maybe we'll interview some bears. It could be, or maybe we'll end up in our favorite coffee. And start talking to people we just meet and you can see it live, you know, hear it live anyway. Love you so much. Talk to you soon. Be well, bye.