Oct. 24, 2022

The Confidante - The Art of Confession

The Confidante - The Art of Confession

we all need someone that has our back. We all need someone to confide in. Today we explore the meaning of CONFESSION and realize that it is something more than a religious act; that it is a way to release negativity from our hearts. But how do we know which person or people in our lives we can trust to do this with?

we all need someone that has our back. We all need someone to confide in. Today we explore the meaning of CONFESSION and realize that it is something more than a religious act; that it is a way to release negativity from our hearts. But how do we know which person or people in our lives we can trust to do this with?



The Confidante - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: There is a reason why so many songs can bring us such comfort. Like there's a song that says, Have little faith in me, and that's what we all need is to have someone that has our back. That's one of the parts of the art of Friendship, We have each other's backs, right?

That you know you're not alone, That when you're going through something that someone is there with you. Maybe they've gone through it already, or they can see better than you in certain circumstances. Today's show, I wanna talk about the confidant, and that came from confess. I was listening to Carolyn Myss. She brought up the whole point of, you know, everything's changing and so many religions and everything, and once you leave Earth, it's not about the religion.

It's not, and that, but so many things have been thrown out. What's the saying, Matt? Like, thrown out with the bath water,

[00:01:04] Matt: throw the baby out with the bath water.

[00:01:06] Fawn: And one of the things that has been thrown out has been confession. And it made me think, And then we actually talk about, it's, it's so weird because on a parallel level we talk about the same stuff

carolyn May talks about, you probably don't even know who she is. Uh, sort of, okay. So. The whole idea of confession. I started looking into it. I'm like, Well, I, from my perspective, I understand, I don't really understand the religious, religious aspect of confession. Like what is it really there for? Do you know, Matt, did you have confession growing up in the religion you were raised in?

Oh my

[00:01:44] Matt: goodness. Good Protestants. Don't do the confession. That was one of Martin Luther's issues with Catholicism.

[00:01:50] Fawn: What's wrong with confession? What I mean, what do you think confession is all about?

[00:01:55] Matt: Okay, so confession, not unlike communism is a really, really great idea in kind of abstraction. But when you start involving humans into the mix, everything gets messed up.

[00:02:08] Fawn: Why? How so?

[00:02:09] Matt: Well, all of a sudden, if you're confessing to a priest, well, what stops the priest from telling people or threatening to tell people or any of the rest of that kind of stuff.

[00:02:18] Fawn: Isn't that their job? Not to?

[00:02:19] Matt: Well, theoretically yes, but,

[00:02:23] Fawn: But you never know.

[00:02:24] Matt: Exactly. And also, you know what historically has happened Through the millennia too, right?

Mm-hmm. .

[00:02:31] Fawn: Mm-hmm. . One of the reasons I don't like a middle man, one of the reasons why I don't go towards organized religion, but going to friendship again, just getting away from religion, I just wanted to let you know how my train of thought came about; what steps led me to thinking about confession and thinking about, well, what is the confidant?

And it turns out that it is linked to confession. A confidant is, It's about trusting, It's having trust in from Latin confidere, and I'm mispronouncing it, so I'm just gonna spell it. It's C O N F I D E R E, meaning to put one's trust in to have confidence in, other descendants of "confidere" in English include confide confidence, confident,

and confidential. And the reason why I wanna talk about this today is, and, and how I'm trying to link it to the art of friendship is that confession is really there to release negativity, to release a burden that's on your heart or on, on your spirit, whatever you wanna call it. It, it's weighing you down.

It could be anything from a deed to it could be just something you're having trouble with. Like for example, recently, it's me letting go of our youngest getting on a big, big bike and going out there on her own. And everybody else was cool with it and everybody was looking at me like, What's wrong with you?

You're such a helicopter mom. Like, let her just be on the bike. And I was like, and I was having trouble. And I was trying to talk to other moms who have more experience than I do. They've done it for longer years, and I just needed someone to say it's okay. And I didn't get that. I, I needed a confidant and I didn't have that.

I felt like when I expressed my trepidation, my fears, it was like, Wow, what's wrong with you? You're so uptight, . But it's weird how it does come in different ways whatever you need. So a few days later, which is today we went to grab coffee and we ran into our friend Bill.

Thank you Bill. And Bill, we briefly mentioned, Oh, we got bikes this week for the girls. And, and I briefly kind of nonchalantly said, Yeah, cuz I wasn't expecting anyone to be kind with me regarding how I felt about Ouch the girls being on the bike just because of the kind of, um, feedback I got from others.

Like, no one understood why I was feeling the way I did. You know what I'm saying? I got no, I got no sympathy, . And so Bill, who's such a tough guy on the exterior,

[00:05:32] Matt: he's very gruff.

[00:05:34] Fawn: He just like looked at me with the kindest eyes and he said, Don't worry. She's gonna be okay. She's gonna go on a ride and she's gonna come back to you safe.

And that's all I needed to hear those words. And so that's a confidant and we all need one of those. And I think that's one of the keys to friendship,

[00:05:57] Matt: right? You need somebody who you respect, which is an interesting kind of caveat to the whole thing, who you can express your stuff to.

[00:06:08] Fawn: to

help you carry the load,

[00:06:09] Matt: right. And yes, indeed, I am your confidant, but you have to, it's like you kind of have to have more than one.

[00:06:17] Fawn: You really do. And you can't use your mate, your partner.

and in whatever relationship you have, the major partner, whether it's your marriage partner or your business partner, it can't be that person because it's too much. It has to be someone that's not day in, day out, every hour the day with you.

[00:06:37] Matt: Right. And I would say it's somebody who's not. It's gonna sound a little weird and callous, but someone who's not deeply emotionally connected to you.

Emotionally connected, yes, but not deeply so they can, they can go through and they don't have the blinders on. They can give you that objective kind of response as well. Or they give you an opinion that you believe is objective.

[00:07:00] Fawn: Does it really matter though. I


[00:07:02] Matt: I think, I think it does.

[00:07:02] Fawn: I think, think about the end result is we are trying to use the confession as a means to release negativity.

To release heaviness, so it really doesn't matter. Whoever can handle it is the person. I'm just saying that as a marriage partner, you and I have gone through so many things, so much hardship, that sometimes I'm like, I can't add another thing to confide in you with. Sometimes it's true. Same with a friend, like a best friend.

It's like sometimes is it too much? I mean, they can be, they can be totally in it with you and have things at stake with you also. But you know, it, it doesn't matter as long as there's capacity to release that, that burden, that negativity, to disperse it to, to disperse it for one another. I think that's what the confidant is.

[00:07:55] Matt: Gotcha.

[00:07:56] Fawn: What else can we say about that

I went to the store, I said, I said, Matt, why don't you research it?

[00:08:06] Matt: I, of course did.

[00:08:08] Fawn: You did. Okay then Tell

[00:08:09] Matt: yes.

Well, I focus more on the confessional aspect of things. Well, did you know ? Confession, AKA either criminal or theological, meaning of course, church and religion and all the rest of it.

Every single culture has it in kind of in existence at least, you know, calling it, let's call it, uh, north of the Equator Cultures, which is the ones I bumped into. And that includes India, that includes China, that includes Japan. That includes obviously, the United States. That includes Europe, they all have this sense of confession, repentance, and, you know, first

[00:08:48] Fawn: of all, I don't know what that means.

I always hear repent. What does that mean?

Well, that

[00:08:53] Matt: means, I'm sorry. And that's showing that you, are sincere in it. That is repentance.

[00:08:59] Fawn: But what is it? Do you have to like, is that when they I'm make you,

[00:09:02] Matt: I'm sorry.

[00:09:03] Fawn: No. Is that when they make you say a bunch of um, lines. Is it Hail Mary's?

What is it?

[00:09:09] Matt: No, no, no. Hail Mary would be a football play. It's not or a grid iron football

[00:09:14] Fawn: for, but do you know what I mean? What is that called? It's not a Hail Mary. How many.

[00:09:19] Matt: Actually, you might be right. Maybe it is Hail Mary, full of grace. Something, something, something, something. Not being Catholic, I don't really know them.

[00:09:26] Fawn: I wonder if we're totally offending a whole bunch of religious people,

anybody by our ignorance

[00:09:31] Matt: possible. And the, but the trick is, is wow. All religions have this sense of confession. In point of fact, early Christian, the early Christian kind of mytho, you actually only, uh, confessed once a year or you were only forgiven once a year as part of Lent.

It's, it's a weird thing.

[00:09:52] Fawn: It is a weird thing because in the Jewish religion, there is that one part of the year after, right after the new year where you go and apologize. It's kind of the same thing, isn't it? It is a,

[00:10:04] Matt: it is a similar experience.

[00:10:06] Fawn: Once a year. Once a year. See, this takes me back to celebrations and all these things, like really once a year.

, I do it several times in the day. I'm like, I'm so sorry, like looking at my actions or things I could have or did say, or should not have said or did say. I'm like, Oh my God.

[00:10:26] Matt: Well, fortunately I only screw up like once a year. . No dear. No, no, don't, don't look at me like that. Oh goodness. Hold on, hold on.

Hold on folks. I gotta diffuse this song. Oh. Oh my

[00:10:37] Fawn: God. , No. Wow.

[00:10:42] Matt: Uh, well, you kinda left us open. You kinda left me open for that.

[00:10:47] Fawn: Um, but you know what I mean? It's like why do we have Thanksgiving once a year? The whole thinking about your actions once a year? No, I think it should be a daily process like brushing your teeth, hopefully like a few times a day, ko.

Right, right.

[00:11:05] Matt: Yeah. And in point of fact, I have this habit of replaying conversations that I have, uh, the same day. I generally have them and just going through them and sometimes I'm like, Ooh, that was a little uncomfortable when I sit there.

[00:11:18] Fawn: Sometimes, I mean, that's good, but what if you don't even realize you did it?

[00:11:22] Matt: Well, that's why I replay it. Like I replay it with an objective. I try and replay it with an objective ear.

[00:11:27] Fawn: Like today, we were just talking amongst ourselves and there's a friend of ours it's been years since we have been friends, right? A long, long time. And there are three things that she has said to me that has scarred me to this day, but. I just, I don't bring it up because I just feel like it'll turn into a fight or denial.

Denial, which really will further piss me off or hurt my feelings even more and make me feel like, am I crazy? Like why would I make that up? Did I like misunderstand or did I like dream it? Do you know what I'm saying? I started doubting myself, so we were talking about that about. The person A could deny it, or B, they could not remember it, or maybe C, we could have misunderstood.

You know what I'm saying? Yes. And and I was saying it doesn't matter because what it is basically is that it was our own insecurity. So no matter what someone says, if you're confident in yourself, In what you're doing, nothing can touch you, but it's not like that all the time. Right, Right. So things will inevitably hurt your feelings and the goal is to discuss it as it happens.

But in my case, the, the, What I don't like about myself is when someone says something, I feel shocked and surprised. Surprised and shocked that I don't have a comeback for it right away. Right? I don't think to say, Whoa, could you repeat what you, what you just said because that really hurt. Like, seriously, Is this how you feel about me?

Why did you, Can you repeat what you just said? So we can talk about it, but instead, I let it go and the conversation quickly turns into something else. When something of that kind of magnitude shakes you, in most cases, I feel like the conversation always shifts to something completely different.

Right? Right. So like, you don't even, you don't even talk about it and it's the type of thing that could be so innocent perhaps sometimes, but it will scar you forever. I don't know. Should I use examples? Unfortunately, yes, I feel like I do. Cause I'm being too careful. All right. So with this one friend, this was a very long time ago.

I was working on my book, the book that I'm still working on. But back then I was trying to get it published. I was sending mock ups to all the publishers working so hard on it, and back then it wasn. Digital. So I was FedExing it back and forth from one publisher to the next. It was very expensive.

It was hard. It was my life's work. I'm very proud of it to this day about this book that I created. It's everything. I photographed, all the different tribes that I, I lived with, that I photographed different cultures around the world. I researched all the world's religions and I also took text and I treated the, uh, by the way I treat.

The world's religion, all the different religions as literature. So it wasn't, it was not religious, it was more a story that was being told. . Like literature. Right. And then I also took sayings from amazing scientists and amazing poets throughout history poets from a few thousand years. And I put all this together in this book, this family photo album.

Right. Anyway, that was part of my work, and so one night I'm talking to my friend and the whole thing was such a struggle and my photography and I was trying to start up this whole other branch of my photography. Back then I was getting into architectural photography. Anyway, I'm talking to my friend and this friend.

I think I was, I was talking about writing, I was talking about something else. Mm-hmm. that could have been a different career path. And she said, and I'm gonna curse, I'm sorry, but this is where she said, she said, I think that's a good idea for you to get away from photography and get away from this Fawn art photography shit.

She just, she put the word s h i t in next to my photography work and then the conversation. Like shortly after that, like immediately after that actually changed and I was so shocked. And to this day, that totally affects me, right? Because I do value this friend's opinion. I do value her sense of artistry.

I like her. Mm-hmm. . But that really. And it wasn't just that one time either. It was a couple of other things. And I, it's not like I'm purposely trying to keep a tally of what was said to me, but there were like three things that were said to me that were so harsh. and again, if I bring it up, cuz I did bring it up one time, one of the things she said, and it was denial.

And so that, that led me to just never talk about it. Right about anything that is said from this person anyway. Why?

[00:16:59] Matt: Well, and but I think you're highlighting something very, very interesting there, which is having an understanding and if you do have somebody you can quote unquote confess to, or a friend who you get advice from and all the rest of it, it has to be a two way street.

Like literally every other relationship you should have in your life. And so on some level, it's like you have to know their foibles. You gotta, you gotta figure this stuff out when they screw up. And this person doesn't like talking about when they screw up, cuz frankly who does. Mm-hmm. . But I liken it to, you know that guy, Oh my god, that guy.

Everybody knows that guy who once upon a time put down a sports bet on a team that was never supposed to win. Or the one stock they'll talk about buying is the one that shot way up. They don't tell you about the 10 stocks they bought, the tanked or the bad bet they made or the the fact that they got ripped off when they bought this, this, or that.

Good. They only tell you about the great deals they. That's not somebody you want to be your confidant. You need somebody who shows you their foibles. Cuz if somebody who objectively, you know, that face they show you is always so perfect, is always so manicured, is always so Facebooked or Instagramed or whatever it is, and you don't see the fact that, you know they're human

like the rest of us, That person can't be your confidant.

[00:18:26] Fawn: Thanks for letting me know now. Thanks. No, no, I, Okay. Part of me is like coach, part of me is like, thanks for, why Wait, hold on. ,

[00:18:35] Matt: is that what you meant to say

[00:18:36] Fawn: yes and no? Why did you wait so long to tell me that? Because I just needed to hear that. Like actually I, what I just described was told to me before you and I met, but I've told you that story.

I wish you had told me, and I just,

[00:18:52] Matt: I you to always step carefully around this


[00:18:55] Fawn: You did, but you didn't put it in the exact word that you just did. And you're right. That person has a very hard time, saying, Oh, I screwed up here. Look at that. No big deal. Like, you know what I'm saying? Right. It's always the best face forward.

[00:19:11] Matt: Right, right. And, and that's welcome to the world. You know what, frankly, I hate telling people when I screw up. But you know what? I do. And those friends of mine who love me, they understand that and we move forward. Yeah. Which is why I know about, you know, my OCD buddy who, um, yeah, who has his share of foibles.

He shares with me and then I share my share of foils with him. Plus we go through foils anyways cuz we keep talking about, Oh, this team is gonna win, that team is gonna win, and we're wrong so often it's crazy. We are just ridiculously

[00:19:46] Fawn: wrong. I know who you're talking about. You're talking about Jim. Of course.

He has such a great sense of humor. Well, he has a sense of humor about himself. He can laugh about it himself. Right,

[00:19:55] Matt: Right. And then when it's time when I need to take him to task for something, we're okay with it. Yeah. And when he takes me to task for something, we're okay with it.

[00:20:05] Fawn: Yeah. Yeah. I think that's how, my relationship is with Wendy, because we can discuss foibles and our triumph.

but they're not judged. because I feel like in, in my case, when, because I always show people my foibles.

[00:20:23] Matt: You do!

[00:20:24] Fawn: I do. Because by the time I'm sharing it, and I'm, I'm really good at, if I could say what my strength is, I'm good at noticing my foibles and I'm immediately getting over it because I notice that it's a fo mm-hmm.

and I immediately, I'm okay. Do you know what I'm saying? Absolutely. Then I'm, I'm not afraid to share it, but what I've found is when I share my foibles, people put me lower and lower on whatever scale that they have in mind. Right? And then therefore, they think that I'm an idiot, or they think that they're, they're supposed to teach me everything, whereas like, no.

You know what, what's the word for it? Like they think that I'm less than, Well, it's,

[00:21:06] Matt: it's the alpha friend versus the beta friend. Right? Everybody wants to put everything into a nice hierarchy cuz we like ranking, we like putting things in boxes.

[00:21:14] Fawn: I can't stand that.

[00:21:15] Matt: And, and it's one of those things that like, you know, if I happen to be great at foosball and I'm not, by the way, I'm maybe just a smidge above average, but I am not good.

Or, um, what is it called? Table soccer. If somebody sees me playing and I'm like, really good, they assume I'm really good at everything. Likewise, if I'm bad at it, they assume I'm really bad at everything and, and that doesn't


[00:21:38] Fawn: Oh, and then, when you do get good at something you're not good at,

have you ever had friends that get very uptight and, they get, what's the word for it? They. Confused and, um, offended. Yes. Almost insulted. Insulted that suddenly you've improved, right?

[00:21:58] Matt: Like you cheated somehow.

[00:21:59] Fawn: Oh my god. What is that? Has that happened to you?

[00:22:03] Matt: Oh yeah,

absolutely. Yeah. No, I have had friends in the past and Oh my God.

Yeah, so one friend of mine, oh my goodness, we used to play this racing game. I would like go to his house and we'd connect two computers and we'd play this racing game and we were pretty evenly matched. And then a new version of it came out, and I played it for like eight hours a day, every day for a month before I told him it existed.

[00:22:28] Fawn: Well, maybe is that why he was upset

[00:22:29] Matt: and then I stomped him and he could never catch up to me. Oh, . And he was like, Honey, he was so offended,

[00:22:38] Fawn: but hold on.

[00:22:39] Matt: Confused

and pissed.

[00:22:41] Fawn: Okay, But was he pissed because you, it's kind of like when there's a show on TV that you all watched together, but then someone watches it before the other person.

Was he upset because you. Ahead of him. Oh, I didn't

[00:22:54] Matt: tell him I had the game

[00:22:54] Fawn: for a while. I know, but he obviously found out. No,

[00:22:58] Matt: no. I said he didn't know any of that. The game

just came out. Let's play.

[00:23:01] Fawn: Oh, so then he was legit only upset because you were better than you

[00:23:05] Matt: was because Was better than he was.

And we used to be pretty evenly


[00:23:08] Fawn: Well, you find that with people in the workforce.

[00:23:11] Matt: That is true.

[00:23:11] Fawn: Like all of a sudden if you get a higher ranking position mm-hmm. , they get offended.

[00:23:16] Matt: Absolutely. And also if they put you in a nice, convenient box, and this is tricky now in what I do cuz I'm what's called a full stack developer.

So I play in the front end, I play in the middle, I play at the back end, I do DevOpsy. All these things are grossly different things. And it's like you have different skill levels in each, but everybody makes the assumption you've got the same skill level at everything and. They can be almost apologetic.

We have one guy on our team who is really good in one part, and he stinks at a different part. And I think the other guy is good at the other thing and bad at the thing that the first guy is good at. But like, they're almost apologetic. Like, you know, I'm sorry I, you know, I don't, you know, can you help me?

And on all the rest of it. And, and for me it's like, it's my responsibility as part of a team. It's my responsibility as part of a friendship. If I have a friend who wants help in a given area, I give it. And I'm very quick to ask for help too.

[00:24:15] Fawn: That's another thing I find that people are afraid to ask for help.

People are very afraid to ask because it's the same thing and because you're admitting you don't, you have foibles. It's admitting you can't do something, so you don't wanna be put into a box. Right. Because most people tend to do that. Yes. It's rare to find the friend that is the confidant. It is rare to have the friend who can not, not judge

[00:24:41] Matt: well.

I think immature friendships, it is very difficult. I think you have to find that mature friendship. I think you have to go through

[00:24:49] Fawn: What does that mean?

[00:24:50] Matt: Semblance of a crucible as far as like one of you has to go through some stuff. Right. You know, the fact that, Jim, Traveled at a, at, at the drop of a dime, he traveled to see me.

That speaks to his character, and that makes it something that I wanna be more like and I try and emulate. But that's a noble thing. Oops. That's a noble thing I emulate. It's not a, you know, it's, it's not me being jealous. It's not me. It's me saying, Oh my God, he is such a wonderful person. I want to be more like,

[00:25:25] Fawn: Right.

He said a good, a great example.

[00:25:27] Matt: So he turned into a heroic figure at that moment and made me want to be a heroic


[00:25:33] Fawn: man. He was the hero for our family back then, so. Well, I was gonna ask you, what's the fix, Matt? What is the fix when You need a confidant, but there are all these things that you have to look out.

So you just have to look out for it. You have to look out and make sure that you confide in someone who the or the confidant you're looking for has to express their foibles, right? And has to basically have an open mind and not be so judgy, .

[00:26:08] Matt: Not necessarily judgey is still okay as long as they're sharing their foibles.

It's like, as long as

[00:26:15] Fawn: they don't put you in a box right away. I, That's what I mean by judgey.

[00:26:19] Matt: What I tell people, what I used to tell people, what I tell people when I find out they're just getting into a relationship, there's a couple of litmus tests and that number one is, everybody has their own rules of dating, right?

Da, da, da, da. If you find yourself giving up on some of your rules of dating, Are they giving up some of their rules of dating? That's kind of Matt's fundamental, is this something that might go some distance or not? So if you notice yourself saying, Well, if they call me, I'm not gonna call 'em back for three days.

Whatever your silly rule is, you know, if they call me on a Thursday to go out on Friday, I, I will always be busy. Whatever the rule is, it doesn't matter. If you notice yourself relaxing your rules, make sure they are too.

[00:27:03] Fawn: Mm-hmm. .

[00:27:04] Matt: And if neither one of you is them, that's a whole other story. And then also, if you fight, is my firm belief,

and again, I think I've mentioned this, but like there's a string of five or 10 words I could say right now to you would piss you off, make you upset forever, regardless of whether or not I meant them or not. I, I wouldn't mean them, but everybody has this like group of 10 words. And so when you fight, do they pull this out of their hat.

And if they do, that's a problem.

[00:27:36] Fawn: Dirty fighting.

[00:27:36] Matt: Dirty fighting is a big problem. So again, it's kind of the emotional and it's the mutual respect and it's everything else. And, and it's, it, honestly, those are two signs of mutual respect is you know, when you're going that way and that way you can feel comfortable in telling them your foils.

Now with people who I think might become important to me, I will perhaps share one or two little foils that don't really bother me, or one or two really small ways that I screwed up maybe, but I didn't. But I did, but I didn't. One classic example is classic, such a modern world too. It's not really classic, but I have this picture of this.

It's an iced coffee on a bicycle. It's from like a kid's drink place. Not a kid. It's from a coffee place and their kids' club. Anyways, as it turns out, and I made this like my icon for a chat at a job. It

[00:28:32] Fawn: was a picture you took of, of

[00:28:35] Matt: a sticker for, Of a sticker for a kids' it, like for kids

[00:28:37] Fawn: drink like

[00:28:38] Matt: a hot chocolate.

Yeah. Something like everybody saw it as beer. It did look like a beer. It does look like a beer as soon as you mention it, but the contact and oh my God, I put that up. That was that on day one at a job. That was my picture, and everybody was like, Well, okay, then I guess we know where his head is at. And they were cool with it, but nobody ever told me for months.

Nobody told me. But I'll tell the story now because it's, it's affordable. It's, it's, you know, should I have seen it? I don't know. So it's a way I screwed up, but maybe I didn't, but maybe I did. It's kind of one of those like tentative, like put it out there and see if they'll give you something similar back.

Mm-hmm. , you know, it's just kind of, But this is what guys oftentimes do. We probe,

[00:29:25] Fawn: probably poke. It's like having spinach in your teeth. Are you gonna tell the person, Right, they have spinach in their.

[00:29:31] Matt: Right. Are you? It's a good question.

[00:29:34] Fawn: Um, I was gonna say sometimes there are two things that I wanted to say, and maybe that's another topic for another day, but two things that I wanted to say.

One is sometimes you don't realize that you said something messed up.

[00:29:47] Matt: Sometimes.

[00:29:48] Fawn: Sometimes you don't realize that it triggered someone.

[00:29:51] Matt: Yep. That well, yeah, that is absolutely true. Sometimes it's

[00:29:54] Fawn: to that context, right? You don't, you have no idea. Or sometimes you're so in your head, you don't hear someone say something and then you don't respond.

So like today you told me, Allegra. Yes. First of all, I tell my daughters I love them several million times a day. But yesterday Allegra said, I love you mom. And I was in my head, I was doing a bunch of things. I didn't respond. I didn't hear it and it got quiet in the

[00:30:26] Matt: back

[00:30:26] Fawn: seat. I didn't hear it. I just didn't hear her say that.

Right. But you mentioned that this morning when we were by ourselves.

[00:30:34] Matt: Yep.

[00:30:34] Fawn: I'm like, Matt, you should have told me.

[00:30:35] Matt: I know.

[00:30:36] Fawn: On the spot.

[00:30:37] Matt: I know.

[00:30:38] Fawn: I didn't hear it. I was thinking so loud in my head. I did not, I was not hearing anything. Cause we were fighting. We were all fighting in the car. I mean, not in the car, but you know what I'm saying?

Mm-hmm. , it was. It was just things were tense, right? . Um, so we don't know. Sometimes we don't know. Sometimes. I mean, and it can just scar the person forever. So what do we do there? I mean, you could say, well, just watch your words and be very deliberate because every word is a prayer. Every word is an open sesame, right?

Every word is creating everything in life. So be very careful of your words. But then if I say that and then I'm like, Okay, well let's just be quiet. The quiet is also word.

[00:31:28] Matt: Yes.

[00:31:28] Fawn: Case in point. I didn't say I love you back. I didn't hear it, but that was quiet. That could also was harmful. Anyway, what's the fix Matt?

What do you think? We just have to be completely present. Yes. Just like riding a bike. We were talking about how do you not crash a bike? You have to be completely present. You can't be looking around and saying, Oh my God, look at that tree over here. Or look, ooh, you know, like noticing all this stuff around you, right?

You have to be present. And so that means maybe you shouldn't be riding the bike. Maybe you should go for a walk and then look at the trees. You know what I'm saying? , until you're fully present, able to be completely anchored right in what you're doing. And I think that we all have so much going. And so much is coming at us.

[00:32:18] Matt: Oh, yeah.

[00:32:18] Fawn: That, I think that that's the fix. What do you think?

[00:32:22] Matt: Yes. I completely concur. It's, it's a very hard thing though, and realize emotion versus logic. You can get blinded due to any number of things.


[00:32:32] Fawn: all. And then the other thing I wanted to talk about is sometimes you said sometimes you have to watch out.

If the person has a whole bunch of stuff they've stored up and they bring that back up, sometimes I think you should just have the grace to let someone unload whatever they have and just because they unload other things, I don't think it should be a deal break. A parallel example Could be.

So we just moved and we don't understand trash pickup yet in our neighborhood, . Not only that, that we have so much recycling and they only pick up a certain amount of recycling. Oh. Every two weeks. So like all this stuff, like so many cardboard boxes have been waiting to go out. It's. , there's no room anywhere.

Like there's there. We had so many boxes, but the other day I was standing on the curb waiting for the driver to come back. Mm-hmm. . So he picked up he went around the loop and was headed back up the street again. And I just stood there and I felt like I had to explain the situation.

Like, this is not forever, but I have extra stuff for pickup. that I need to unload. I think that goes for emotions too. Sometimes you have to say, Look, I've had a backup of stuff happening. Can you please allow, have the grace mm-hmm. to help me with this extra thing that I need to unload. Right? Yeah, absolutely.

[00:34:07] Matt: So that's it for me. Okay. Sounds good. .

[00:34:12] Fawn: So we're both still sick. Just a little. Ugh. It's hard for me. Like I can feel it in my chest, like it's kind of laborious to breathe sometimes. Oh. Anyway, thanks for listening guys. What do you think? Oh, and before we go, Okay. I mean, we talk about confessions and stuff.

Remember there was that website you would look at? Do you still look at it, Matt, where people would post Post secret. Post secret? Yeah.

[00:34:41] Matt: Absolutely. Every se, every Sunday they post new stuff.

[00:34:43] Fawn: They're still doing it. Yes. I think that's a modern day confessional, right. For

[00:34:48] Matt: people. It can be, It's a way of, uh, understanding you're not alone For sure.

And the people feel the same way. And sometimes the things that are expressed are very un politically correct.

[00:34:58] Fawn: Mm. I mean, so there are, What I'm trying to say is there are other ways, It doesn't have to be religious to unload things if you don't have someone to confide in, there is something, anything out there.

Right. And I think, I mean, I do it. I can do it. I'm thinking about it like how, How else can I do it? I can just do it. Talking out into the air, like going out. Just talking out loud to whatever other forces are out there and letting it go. And sometimes I think that's why artists are, are so great.

That's why art is so important because it can, that kind of, uh, confessional can come out in a painting. It can come out in a photograph, It can come out in, in anything creative really, as long as you get it out of you. Don't hold on that, you know, we need to release much like you take a breath in, you need to exhale, Let it out, let it go.

And I think it's the same thing with our emotions, our thoughts, our experiences that sometimes hold us and bind us. And I think that's the key is to let it go. And that's the whole, the confidant, right? If you. Well, thanks again for listening. Everyone, please make sure you tell other people about our podcast tell them to subscribe.

Leave a nice review reach out to us on our website, our friendly world podcast.com. Thank you again for listening. We really appreciate you being with us. Thank you. Be well. Talk to you soon in a few days.