Friendship and Emotional Support, Lessons Learned from Prejudice

Getting Over Hate and Prejudice
[00:00:00] Fawn: Hi, everybody. Welcome back. Welcome back. Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back. Another day, another lesson learned. Another thing that comes up that you thought you were done with. I thought I was done with those yoga bitches. Ruh roh. That whole experience, right? I was just thinking to myself, Look at me. I made it through.
[00:00:21] Fawn: It's been a few years. I don't feel a charge anymore. And lo and behold, is that the word? Is that the term? Lo and behold, lo and behold, I don't even know how you spell that. Is it LOW? And what does that even mean? 
[00:00:35] MATT: No, it's like LO space A and D space. Behold. I have no idea. Where does that 
[00:00:40] Fawn: come from? I have to look that up now.
[00:00:42] Fawn: I have no idea. Anyway, before you know it, I come to. A similar energy. Ruh roh. I could not believe it. I was all bent out of shape you guys. I joined a group. I was so excited to join this group. It was, uh, It was really important. Like, I'm like, oh, what great fortune. Just like how I felt when I got into that yoga school.
[00:01:10] Fawn: Like, this is meant to be. This is my path. Which it was. But, uh, I came across some prejudice. I'm like, man, I know that the world is not done with it, but I thought I was done with it. Because the same feelings came back, the same kind of like gaslighting situation was happening. And I was like, Whoa, one of our kids is studying singing has been studying singing and sometimes I'll go to class and I love the singing teachers.
[00:01:41] Fawn: They have all these cute little things that they do to warm up the voice. And one of them is. Beep a beep. Whoa. No, and they sing that beep a beep. Whoa. No, so any time something happens No, I can't get that out of my head. Like I spilled coffee. I'm like beep a beep. Whoa, no So anyway, I came across the situation and I'm like beep a beep.
[00:02:06] Fawn: Oh, no, here we go again Oh, man. So, what do you do when you're faced with prejudice? When you, or you're faced, with a bully, or you're faced with a situation that is not ideal, that is totally, degregating you, gaslighting you, making you, appear like you're lesser than? How else would you describe it?
[00:02:31] Fawn: Right. Feeling small. Yeah, being told that you're smaller or treating you that you are, like, you are smaller. Being disregarded, for sure. Yes, being disregarded. Yes, thank you. Good ones. Good ones, honey. Do you have any more? Obviously, you've been hearing me talk about it forever, so. 
[00:02:49] MATT: You're not being seen.
[00:02:50] Fawn: The main thing, I mean, so for me, I've had enough experience with racism, prejudice, and I think the most awful thing that happens in that situation, like, that happened when I was a kid, that Later, I understood really what the deal was for me. The worst thing that can happen is when you start to actually feel what the bully wants you to feel.
[00:03:20] Fawn: Or what the bully is saying you are. Right. So if you are gross, if you're an invader, if you are no good to society, if you're no, um, you don't belong here, go back to where you came from, that you're... You're not loved, you're not wanted, you're gross, get out of here. So if you start feeling that way about yourself, and all the people that look like you get that.
[00:03:45] Fawn: If you start feeling that way about that whole group, like you want to hide. So for example, my family started to make sure that they never got any sunshine, so they didn't get tan. They got blue eye contact, so they had blue eyes. They bleached their hair blonde, so they look like a white person. I couldn't do that, because I can't.
[00:04:11] Fawn: Because I can't. I can't. Like, once I asked you when we were living in Colorado, I'm like, Honey, what if I was covered head to toe in, like, clothes? So you couldn't see my skin, and I had sunglasses on and a hat, and somehow my face was covered with stuff. Could you still tell that I was not Caucasian? And you didn't even skip a beat, you're like, oh yeah.
[00:04:37] Fawn: Like, I can't hide who I am. I can't do it. Like, I can't switch. Right. Like that. You can't blend. I can't blend. Man. Sometimes I wish I could. But, um, no, I can't blend. So, what do you do when you yourself feel this? I think the worst thing, like I'm trying to say, is the worst thing is to feel shame. Yes. That is the worst.
[00:05:03] Fawn: But once you realize that's what's happening, so I'm telling you that's what's happening, so you don't have to feel it, like how I felt it, and it doesn't have to be like you being in a situation where you're experiencing racism. It could be for anything. Like anyone who's disrespected feels this way.
[00:05:19] Fawn: Right. When you get down to that level of feeling what is imposed on you and you start taking that on. That's the worst. That, that means they won. You need to look at how beautiful you are and how special and wonderful you are. What a gift you are. You really need to do that. Cause guess what? It's like fashion.
[00:05:45] Fawn: You know, when we were growing up, to have a big butt was a big, big no no. And like, people are paying thousands of dollars to have butt implants now. It was a big no no to look dark. And then Coco Chanel came along, and she started tanning on purpose, so... Like that whole part of society started to want to tan too because it meant, oh, you don't have to work So you get to go and vacation in these other places and look darker.
[00:06:15] Fawn: So it became the trend You know what I'm saying? It became a thing that was revered.
[00:06:22] Fawn: So I have some notes I just want to just like one, two, three, four, five things you can do to feel better. Quick show today. So Shame. Feeling shame. Shame is a painful feeling that's a mix of regret, self hate, and dishonor. FYI, I'm writing a book. I'm almost done. I'm looking for an agent. And this is what's in the back.
[00:06:51] Fawn: Alright, first thing you need to do is acknowledge your pain to yourself. Like, acknowledge, whoa, this hurts, man. I'm hurting. Right. This sucks. Just acknowledge it. Don't live in it. Don't dwell in it. Just acknowledge it. Like, Hey, I have a cut, you know, except number two, accept the grief, accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
[00:07:20] Fawn: You may snap at someone or you may suddenly binge on ice cream. What are you doing? Like, you know what I'm 
[00:07:28] MATT: saying? Right, and not have an understanding of where at least part of that is coming from. 
[00:07:34] Fawn: Right, exactly. Number three. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you. Like, Matt and I grieve differently.
[00:07:45] Fawn: I'm like, hey, let's talk about it. You're like, no, I'm just gonna store it away for a few years. And I'll deal with it when I get to it. I'm like, but all these other things are gonna happen! Like, you're gonna, it's like... It's like waiting to do 
[00:07:59] MATT: laundry on Sunday. See, you weren't even paying attention. We were both up super early in the morning.
[00:08:04] MATT: What, today? No, this was like earlier this week. What do you mean I 
[00:08:07] Fawn: wasn't paying attention? How do you 
[00:08:08] MATT: know? Well, I was like just kind of at my, at my little laptop and I was watching something. And I was getting all teary eyed. You didn't even notice. Baby! I deal when I deal. I deal when I deal. 
[00:08:23] Fawn: I'm sorry.
[00:08:23] Fawn: When was this? Were we in the office, or? No, no, 
[00:08:25] MATT: no. This was early in the morning. This was at like 
[00:08:27] Fawn: 4 a. m. Oh, man. I'm sorry, babe. 
[00:08:30] MATT: Don't be sorry. I was dealing with stuff. I deal with stuff when I deal with stuff. 
[00:08:35] Fawn: But here's the problem, we're all dealing with stuff and so many things. But I can't like At the same time, so it's hard to even notice the other person.
[00:08:43] Fawn: Which is where friendship comes in, cause you're like, not able to be there for someone. I'm so sorry, honey. Babe, don't worry about it. I'm so sorry. It is, it is what it is. But that's, but that's the problem right now. But 
[00:08:55] MATT: I can't schedule and I can't not schedule. You know, it's like it's not about scheduling.
[00:09:00] MATT: I can't just deal with it when it happens because to me that's scheduling it Yeah, I'm gonna 
[00:09:06] Fawn: deal with it right now. Well, I don't say to myself. I'm gonna deal with it right now. I'm like Right, like I 
[00:09:14] MATT: can't but you're dealing with it right now. You've scheduled it and you know what sometimes I don't have the luxury of being able to Deal with it in that moment and sometimes I don't want to deal with it in that moment
[00:09:32] Fawn: Yeah, and then you go to the batting cages to deal with things. Sometimes. Or you'll play a video game. Or 
[00:09:38] MATT: I'll ride up a mountain, or I'll... Yeah. 
[00:09:42] Fawn: Yeah, we all... Okay, so, examples of how we grieve differently, like the process of going through something. Okay, I'm sorry I didn't see you. Chances are I'm having like five freakouts while I'm chopping vegetables while you're sitting there with 
[00:09:59] MATT: your laptop.
[00:09:59] MATT: As opposed to me, I'm just like, la la la la la. 
[00:10:05] Fawn: Alright, let's see. One, two, three. Number four, seek out face to face support from people who care about you. So yeah, someone, talk to someone that you know will understand. Or, and you have to take, inventory. What's the word? Take stock. You have to take stock because think about, okay, if I turn to Sue, is Sue available emotionally?
[00:10:33] Fawn: To be able to grasp what I'm saying right now. To understand 
what 
[00:10:37] MATT: I'm feeling. Right. The last thing in the world you want is to bring, and like, want to talk about your pain, and the other person, much like people who come to visit people in the hospital always want to talk about that time they were in the hospital, you know, you, you, when you're unpacking your own emotions, you don't want to necessarily unpack theirs too.
[00:10:56] Fawn: Make sure that they, Can handle it. Yes, and that too. And what do you do if you feel like no one can handle it? Right. No, I'm asking you. Yeah, what do 
[00:11:05] MATT: you do? That's a good question. I'm asking you, Matt. Well, gee, gee willikers, I go to the batting cages or I ride up a mountain or... 
[00:11:13] Fawn: Okay. I thought you were gonna, you said I go to the bat, I'm like, yeah, go to the bathroom.
[00:11:18] Fawn: Because I go to the bathroom. Well there 
[00:11:19] MATT: you go, I could expel it in the bathroom. 
[00:11:21] Fawn: No, I go in the bathroom and I have conversations with the universe. Well 
[00:11:28] MATT: yeah, prayer is certainly a valid thing 
[00:11:31] Fawn: for sure. Meditation. I mean, so many times I've been like, home planet, coming through, home planet, help me, get me out of here.
[00:11:42] Fawn: What is happening? Like so many times I've been like, I gotta get out of here. What the hell? Anyway, but seek face to face support. Sometimes face to face support for me is the TV, honestly. Watching a movie on TV. Where you're just 
[00:11:58] MATT: bawling? Yeah. 
[00:12:00] Fawn: Oh, yeah. I know. So many breakups I've had. I'm not saying that.
[00:12:04] Fawn: I watched a good romantic comedy where they break up in the beginning. It has helped me so much. French Kiss helped me so much back then. Anyway, okay, so seek face to face support from people who care about you. And then, support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically. I'm writing a yoga book.
[00:12:28] Fawn: And it could be enough to clean your desk. It could be doing some yoga poses. Each yoga pose is directly spiritually linked to an emotion. So, yeah, that's it. 
[00:12:43] MATT: Yeah, no, there was a, there was a, uh, a speech given by some army colonel or whatever, who says every day I start my day by making my bed. Cause even if your entire day goes to SHIT, you at least come back to a made bed.
[00:13:00] MATT: Right. and you accomplish something every day. 
[00:13:03] Fawn: And here's the other thing I wanted to say. So I was feeling like, here I go again, here I am in another group and I'm feeling the same things. Exactly the same things are coming up, as I did with the Yoga Bitches. So this time, I sat myself down and I said, Okay Universe, are you testing me?
[00:13:25] Fawn: I told you, I want none of this anymore. What I want is support. I want people to understand me and also be respectful of me. also respectful of them. This is what I want. I don't want any of this. I want, I want support. And I did vent to a few of you. A few? I vented to you and the kids. And two mutual friends.
[00:13:59] Fawn: And then I sat there and I talked to the universe. And all of a sudden, I gotta tell you, the whole thing shifted. And these people feel way better to me. And I no longer have a charge on it. So lesson learned. Don't mess with me universe. I told you I'm good. Thank you. Lesson learned. Thank you. Let's move on.
[00:14:26] Fawn: I want a copacetic, copacetic experience. Okay? Yes. Okay? Okay. Alright. That's it. Do you have anything else to add to what I just said? That was 
[00:14:39] MATT: so brilliant I can't imagine what I could add. Really? 
[00:14:42] Fawn: It was brilliant? Yes. Stop it. It was! Get out of here. Oh my lord. Alright, alright. Well, please have a joyful every day.
[00:14:51] Fawn: We love you so much. Thanks for listening. Love you guys. Be well. Talk to you later in just a few days. Bye