OKAY

OKAY - TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back, everybody. Hello. How are you all doing out there? How are you? So, as a person who always feels misunderstood and ignored What? Or, let me just phrase it in this way. In the past, in the past, that's how it's been for me. That's how it was for me. . So, studying in England with American professors.
[00:00:23] Fawn: Mm hmm. Okay. Studying, Literature, creative writing, all of that jazz, okay? Okay, so, for the most part, I always struggled in school. Definitely struggled throughout. You know normal school and then for various different reasons struggled at university too But these professors that I had were not fans of me.
[00:00:48] MATT: Oh Dear, that doesn't sound good. 
[00:00:50] Fawn: It wasn't honestly the only reason So I was I was they're not we're not it wasn't called exchange students, but you live abroad when you're at university, like you go live in another country. And you're 
[00:01:04] MATT: with, and you're with a pod of like 
[00:01:06] Fawn: Americans.
[00:01:06] Fawn: Yeah, exactly. You're still, and you travel with the stupid American professors. 
[00:01:12] MATT: Sweet. Sounds like, sounds, and hilarity ensues. 
[00:01:16] Fawn: Yeah. Oh, it was, it was not great for me. But truly the only reason I was there is because I always have had a love. of the UK. I wanted to live there, I have a love for that area. I don't know. I can't explain it. It's probably the same as the love you have, right? 
[00:01:38] MATT: Are you talking about the fact that I've stated publicly on many occasions that, I better not go to Scotland, because if I go I'll probably never want to leave?
[00:01:47] Fawn: Right. So the only reason I went to study in England for two years was I was trying to figure out a way I could make it there with my photography so I could just stay there. And also I was traveling around the world looking for you, and it turns out you were there the same, kind of the same period, like on and off.
[00:02:09] Fawn: Right. 
[00:02:10] MATT: I had to take a couple trips for work, 
[00:02:12] Fawn: yes. So you see, we were, we were kind of not in sync quite yet, right? But it was happening, it was getting closer. Anyway, I digress. So, oh my gosh, so we were supposed to write plays for this one course, one semester. Sure. And, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I studied, and this is true for all of my years in school, no matter how much I studied, I still failed.
[00:02:40] Fawn: Miserably. And, my other friends, this was in high school, my other friends who ended up being pretty successful in the movie industry, they had the same struggles. So, I wonder If it was some sort of, not learning disability, but like, our brains are different. Well, creative 
[00:03:00] MATT: brains can be very, very different for sure.
[00:03:04] Fawn: But you're at the mercy of everyone else, especially people who have the rules in place, and the test guides, the test makers. Yeah, to say you're this or that you're successful or not successful true And it's not just with grades, but it seems like all of life is that way you either measure up You don't there's always a measure in three years ago.
[00:03:30] Fawn: We did an episode on how we measure ourselves as human beings all the different measures in life how every person is measured Anyway, so this class, we were supposed to write a play, and because I would try so hard, and not only did I get very poor grades, but the professors made it so crystal clear, loud and clear with words, and sometimes with gestures, that I was not, um, acceptable, um, that I was lazy.
[00:04:04] Fawn: That untalented all of that stuff, right? So, you know, I developed an attitude like well, who cares? You know, obviously No matter how hard I try I can't get past your Whatever it is that you're thinking of me no matter how hard I try. So We were supposed to write a play and because I realized, you know, I'm really here to show my portfolio around on the weekends or like, if I could take, if I, if I can take a couple of days off during the school day, like right after classes, I would take the train to London and meet with people in the industry to get photo jobs or something.
[00:04:45] Fawn: Right? So, I didn't care. I'm like, you know what, I'm not gonna put that much effort into these things. I'm actually going to create a play that basically what do you call that gesture when you put your thumb to your nose? Basically, I'm just saying, it's a, it's a big, it's big F you back to these professors.
[00:05:06] MATT: Right, it's the, the classic one finger salute, the up yours gesture, 
[00:05:12] Fawn: the So, what I did was, and what was happening was, oh my goodness, okay. There was that happening with school, but at the same time, oh my goodness, I went to this one place. Can I say where it was and not get in trouble? I don't know. Whatever, I went, I, okay. to a very prestigious publication. I went to the editor, turned in my portfolio, followed the rules of what you have to do as a photographer, so I did all that.
[00:05:42] Fawn: And then when I went to pick up my portfolio, The man was kind of like the professors that I was, that I was with, right? He was basically saying that I don't have talent and I should find a photographer out there to basically copy. Like, find, you know, look at their pictures and just do exactly what they're doing.
[00:06:08] Fawn: I'm like, dude, that, it was, it was bad. It was bad. He just went on and on. And, for whatever reason, he held on to my portfolio. And I had to pick it up the following week. And when I went to pick it up, I went with reinforcement. I went with my friend's boyfriend, who's from New Jersey.
[00:06:30] Fawn: Guys. Especially back then, New Jersey people are tough. Italian, New Jersey boy. Man. Muscular. Don't mess with him. Like, very, like, I don't know. So 
[00:06:49] MATT: like the East Coast equivalent of me? 
[00:06:53] Fawn: A person you don't want to mess with. He has no qualms about starting a fight, you know? He, if you could see him, like, he's like a bodyguard.
[00:07:05] Fawn: Both in physique and just emotions, mentality, everything. So, he obviously liked me. I was his, I was his girlfriend's friend, and we had become friends. So, he's like, so he went with me to pick up my portfolio. Right. He went in the office because he, he and all my friends knew all the horrible things this editor told me.
[00:07:31] Fawn: And so I just wanted to get my portfolio back. Anyway, he's like Fawn with his New Jersey accent. He's like you want me to deal with him. I'm like his name was Tony Thanks, Tony. I'm like, no, it's okay. I'll get it. But just having you with me here means the world to me Right. Well, it gives 
[00:07:49] MATT: you walking into a big tall building with company man.
[00:07:53] MATT: The building seems a 
[00:07:54] Fawn: little smaller, especially with Tony I mean, I remember him to this day. He was dressed in all black, bulging muscles, totally fit. So again, just like me. He was wearing a black t shirt that his, um, arm muscles. They were just bulging, right? Right, right. Yeah, right 
[00:08:12] MATT: here. Yeah, 
I 
[00:08:13] Fawn: feel it.
[00:08:15] Fawn: So anyway so that happened. And So that was on my mind when I had to write the play. What was on my mind was all the things that people in authority were thinking of me.
[00:08:27] Fawn: My big lesson back then was to overcome what people thought of me. And I went way out of my way to be kind and at the same time to prove them wrong. To make them see what they're saying about me, what they think about me, isn't true. And it happened with that editor that I finally just decided, it's not worth it, I have things to do.
[00:08:51] Fawn: Right. It was that, for me in my head, coming to that conclusion, which I want to pass on to you all today, is to stop caring what people think of you, and to stop trying to prove yourself as me. wrong, like these people are wrong about you. Stop trying to prove them to be wrong. Who cares? Let them go.
[00:09:11] Fawn: That was the lesson. And, it was also helped out by my peers because I was so upset by the professors family. Everything. the art critics. Editors, all that stuff. And my friends, when I came back to the little town in England that we lived in, when I came back, my friends were like, stop looking at all these people to become validated.
[00:09:33] Fawn: If anything, just turn to us because we are your peers. and we see what you're doing. We see who you are. So why aren't you listening to us? Why aren't you listening to these old people? Not old people but that's not 
[00:09:46] Fawn: old as in You mean established, establishment. Yeah, exactly. It's like the old way. that now, after all these years, it's starting to crumble. Right. Right? Well, 
[00:09:56] MATT: yeah. I think about things like, used to be Renaissance artists would have a studio of people who would imitate their artwork, and sometimes they'd even put, the master artist would put his name on it.
[00:10:08] MATT: Can you imagine if Picasso had walked into one of those? They would have been like, this is garbage! You know, or Monet, or dot dot dot. You know? It's, it's the nature of everything to change, to go through evolutions. 
[00:10:21] Fawn: Yeah, and, and thank you Matt, because whenever I had trouble, you always pulled out our art books, Monet in particular, and you had me read Monet's letters.
[00:10:31] Fawn: Oh my 
[00:10:31] MATT: god, Monet's letters are the most depressing things for, for the longest time. He's like, if you could send me money, if you could send me money, if you could send me money. Those are the letters he wrote because A letter was an investment to him as far as he needed to get a good return for it. And then later, when he was super famous, he was like, you know, I'm really embarrassed to tell you that, you know, I have to charge this much for my work.
[00:10:55] MATT: He wasn't embarrassed, but, well, who's to say what he was or wasn't, but you know, there was a definite turning of it. 
[00:11:03] Fawn: So to wrap up, not to wrap up this podcast yet, cause we're just beginning, but to wrap up the title, the one word, if we could put one word onto this episode, it would be the word OK.
[00:11:15] Fawn: OK. It's so deep, and it has so many meanings. What I did was, when I had to turn in my final project, we had to write a play. We had to write it, and perform it. Mm hmm. And so what I did, basically to, you know, it's an, my ode to the professors, like, F you, buddy. Bye. You know, the drop mic, the mic drop, whatever.
[00:11:38] Fawn: And so what I did was I wrote a play with only one word in it. Can you guess the word? It was okay. And so what I did was I had a friend of mine, the same friend that was quite vocal about not caring what the older generation thought because obviously they weren't understanding our generation and what we're trying to create next, right?
[00:12:01] Fawn: And so I had her act in it. There was one word and muffled sounds. If you remember, is it Charlie Brown, the teacher? Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp. So, the play consisted of womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, and, the main character who constantly said okay. And with each okay, it meant something different.
[00:12:23] Fawn: And the womp, womp, womp, womp, womp were the professors and the art critics. And I put up all my photography stuff all the things that I was showing to critics, like, I had them displayed on stage. And so, this art critic is going around, saying, Womp, womp, womp, womp, pointing the thumb down to say, This is terrible.
[00:12:42] Fawn: And then the main character's saying, Okay, okay, okay, okay. And so that was it. Just one word, that was it. There was a beginning, middle, and an end. All with the word, okay. And so, guess what grade I got? A plus. Can you believe that?
[00:13:04] Fawn: Anyway. So, this episode right here, right now, is still me thinking about what you said about having a transient friend, and how you really care, Matt. How there is no way to erase history, what people think of you, the way you're portrayed in society. you In our culture all of that. And I kept saying you have to let it go so I came across this woman Alex Elle a New York Times best selling author of " How We Heal" 
[00:13:37] Fawn: it was an Instagram Real on the yoga journal the yoga journals Instagram. Mm hmm , and what she was saying Was let people be wrong about you. Stop trying to explain yourself, you know This need to have people be right about you Get rid of that and she's absolutely right because like I think of one of my friends and I think this is typical of most people they're very Opinionated they will think of you in a certain way and you spend so much time and energy Trying to explain yourself to explain you're wrong This is not The way you're seeing me is wrong.
[00:14:20] Fawn: It just takes away everything from a friendship. It takes away your life force. It takes away the precious time we have together because now you're having to constantly prove yourself. Right. Chances are they can't hear you anyway. I want to do a show coming up. It's, , because our friend, one of our good friends talks about her husband and says, He's hard of listening.
[00:14:47] Fawn: It always makes me laugh, but they're hard of listening, right? They're not hard of hearing they are hard of listening So what Alex Elle is saying is that your peace is more important than someone understanding where you're coming from let them be wrong and her favorite word is guess what? Okay, like whatever they think whatever they say, okay Move on.
[00:15:16] MATT: I get it. I get it, because, yes, when I were a lad, I cared, and then I so didn't care, but in so not caring, I cared. 
[00:15:27] Fawn: Right. 
[00:15:29] MATT: Because the opposite of love is indifference, and ain't hate, and I hated an awful lot of people. Oh my goodness. So, yes, I get it, and you know what? Hopefully, as they evolved, they realized those moments in time where they were wrong.
[00:15:46] MATT: I thought Facebook was a terrible idea, wouldn't make any money. MP3 files? Waste of time. Really? Yeah. I was like, once upon a time, I was like, the only successful internet business out there, because Amazon was, was losing money hand over fist, was the one company that registered domain names. They were the only company I thought was making money.
[00:16:07] MATT: I was like, eBay? That's, that's a crock. Wow, wow, I should be feeling really really stupid, but rather I come to it from I was wrong Okay, why? Okay, and move on Okay, that's an awful lot of okays there, too So hopefully on the other side of the equation those people who judge you harshly come back to center, too 
[00:16:36] Fawn: Wow, I never I never thought about it from that perspective, honey 
[00:16:41] MATT: Cuz those are, yeah, those are absolutely, I can't ever proclaim that I was right on any of those predictions.
[00:16:47] MATT: Now, of course, I was right on a billion other predictions, I'm sure, right? But those are like some catastrophically bad ones, and it's just what it 
[00:16:55] Fawn: is. You still have a charge on it. You guys, Matt is sitting here with his arms folded like a little kid. No, you were like, I was wrong. 
[00:17:05] MATT: No, it's cold. 
[00:17:07] Fawn: Okay.
[00:17:10] MATT: There's another one.
[00:17:12] Fawn: Oh my goodness. But that's it. One word. Okay. Okay? You guys, that's how I answered Matt when he first asked me out. It was okay? Yeah, like, like, Homer Simpson, okay? Like, 
[00:17:25] MATT: what? 
[00:17:29] Fawn: So, can we do that? Can we just let it go? Can we? Yes. Everything is going to be okay, guys. Love you. Little episode today. Okay. Okay. If you need us, we'll be here in just a few days with another episode.
[00:17:48] Fawn: If you need us, reach out to us either on Instagram or email us. All right. We love you. Have a beautiful every day. Be well. Do you hear my stomach? It's my stomach. It's 
[00:18:02] MATT: my stomach. It's my stomach growling, growling, growling. Oh my God. 
[00:18:06] Fawn: All right. Alright. 
[00:18:09] MATT: Hopefully that doesn't 
[00:18:09] Fawn: make it on.
[00:18:11] Fawn: I don't know. Mine doesn't. I'm very close to the mic. Okay. Love you guys. Talk to you later. Bye. Buh bye.