April 18, 2022

The Art of the Compliment - Compliment vs Complement

The Art of the Compliment - Compliment vs Complement

How can a compliment open the doors to friendship or even save someone's life? We discuss in this episode of "The Art of the Compliment" as we understand the ways to establish joy, kindness, and sincerity and see how a compliment is an invitation to a beautiful friendship. What is the difference between COMPLIMENT and COMPLEMENT? We discuss this question and much more.


How can a compliment open the doors to friendship or even save someone's life? We discuss in this episode of "The Art of the Compliment" we understand the ways to establish joy, kindness, and sincerity and see how a compliment is an invitation to a beautiful friendship. What is the difference between COMPLIMENT and COMPLEMENT? We discuss this question and much more.

 

Transcript

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: you complete me Hello? Hello. Hello. Welcome back. Are you ready for a very intense, not intense in a negative way, but an in depth topic, a topic I'm actually going to teach a course on

[00:00:14] Matt: super serious.

[00:00:16] Fawn: It's not super serious, but it has a lot of moving parts and it's quite deep actually.

[00:00:22] Matt: Would you

it more nuanced?.

[00:00:23] Fawn: I don't like that word, but it's the art of the compliment.

[00:00:32] Matt: Oh, dear.

[00:00:32] Fawn: Much like when you come into our home and all of the different homes we've had since the big house we used to own that, you know, through the pitfalls of society, went to hell and ever since then, we've been so gunshy. Ugh, gunshy. We've been so resistant on owning property ever again because of what happened in the financial crisis some years ago, that is, seems to be happening again.

But whatever, we've moved a lot since then, and it's never been a place that's been ours, it's been some rentals and some of them have been ugly, depressing, just ugly , gray. It started with the first apartment we had after we lost the house.

it was Valentine's day. We've said this story before. Sorry, but quick refresher. It was Valentine's day. Matt had this job with this horrible person there that was stressing him out so much. It was awful. It was horrible. It was Valentine's day. And. I was teaching our little, little, little girls and I decided, all right, let's do an art project.

We cut hundreds of hearts out of different kinds of paper, different colors, everything. And then I got like sewing thread and I attached them to the hearts and I hung them on the ceiling.

I taped them on the ceiling in the entryway. So when Matt came home, he had to walk through this hall of hearts. So many hearts and they were low enough where his forehead would get touched by a heart walking through. And so when you come in, you're touched by these hearts and when you're leaving to go out in the world, once again, you're kissed by these hearts a reminder, if you will, of how much we love each other or love, you know, what I'm talking about.

Okay. So a compliment is the same thing. It's to remember the joy. It's to remember the kindness it's it's too. It's like when you come over to our house, besides the hearts guaranteed, you'll be offered something immediately. You're not even inside yet. And we're offering you a beverage of some kind.

That's what we do. And I think that's what the compliment is that I think for me, that's what the compliment is. It is the offering to a friend. In a relationship it could be, the relationship could be a friend. It could be any situation, but a genuine compliment is what offers nourishment for you to welcome someone in.

So we were looking at the etymology of course, of the compliment. And it's very interesting because I want to say, you know, you complete me and that's basically what it means. So a compliment, let's start with a noun. It's an act or expression of civility, respect or regard an act or expression of civility.

Now here's where the Johnson definition comes in, which is really messed up. And I think that's why people have so much trouble with the compliment because that is the act or expression of civility usually understood to include some hypocrisy. And it means less than it declares. I think that's why people, one reason why people don't compliment, because it feels so disingenuine that it's just, you're just sucking up to someone to get something, right?

Or they used to

(Matt laughs) It can

[00:04:20] Matt: be, It can feel that way.

[00:04:22] Fawn: Well, sure. And it's also like words are so misused or overly used. So once you hear a certain words, you're like "eeek" , how to harness that truth in everything. All right. And how it totally opens up this beautiful gate to this beautiful relationship, beautiful friendship, and how you can complete me.

All right. So in the 1570s, compliment is "that which fills up or complete" by 19th century, the meaning extended to an expression of praise or admiration, meaning a present or favor bestowed a complimentary gift. This is from 1722. Now in the 1690s, it became a way to manifest kindness.

Here's how I don't know about other languages right now. Like as far as etymology goes and like really getting into things, but here's where it gets really. Um, like I was talking about it. It's complicated. It's complicated socially, but check this out. So one little tiny difference of a letter in the word compliment, changes the meaning.

So compliment with an I C O M P L I M E N T it's a noun or verb it's to give, you know, it's like to give a compliment or the act of complimenting; I'm complimenting your cooking skills or I'm complimenting a job well done. Right. But if you use the other word complement, it sounds exactly the same, but it's spelled differently different meaning.

So this other one is with an E. C O M P L E M E N T has a different meaning. Complement: this one with an E means, bringing to perfection, having no deficiency, perfect in kind or quality, finished, ended, concluded. Why are you laughing at me? There's another one. It's also a musical term. It's also a mathematical term.

Ooh. You tell me the mathematics. Why don't you try to remember it while I try, while I explained the musical term, which is from the circus circus, 16 hundreds, full quality or number, full amount, musical sense of simple interval that completes an octave from another simple interval. That's probably the same as math though.

Right? Math

is music.

[00:07:07] Matt: I just remember. Yes. Uh, I just remember something called the two's compliment, but I don't know what it is. I'm terrible that way. I D I don't remember. It's, uh, I th I think it's a series of numbers, but it's irrelevant.

[00:07:20] Fawn: We don't

have our phones here. We should look it up. Go get your phone.

What is that?

[00:07:25] Matt: I don't know.

[00:07:27] Fawn: Well, anyway, so, much like offering a beverage to someone, I think a compliment is a way to welcome someone in. It's to bring joy. It's to bring kindness into a situation. And usually I noticed this about you, Matt. And when we lived in Washington state, we would do this quite often where, well, first of all, you started this because you have the ability to look at someone and notice things that a person does that will go completely undetected by most people.

It's the martial arts skill in you where you can notice the trifles that are so invisible to most people, 99.9% of the people and you stop and you trip on it. And then you'll usually come to me and describe what you saw and, um, and I'm blown away. I'm like, how could I have missed that?

You were right. Oh my God. So that's what, that's the art of the compliment. And that's why I'm saying it's so complicated. Cause it's kind of martial artsy. You have to notice things. Why are you roll your,

[00:08:36] Matt: I wouldn't say it's

martial artsy

[00:08:37] Fawn: it

is because it's noticing things around

you.

[00:08:40] Matt: Well, certainly I think step one is absolutely paying attention and you should always pay attention, especially as those people around you who mean something to.

Good

or bad,

[00:08:52] Fawn: but even if they, if, even if you don't know them, most of these cases that I'm remembering throughout the time we've been together, we don't know these people and you notice all these remarkable things that they do or the way they are. And then, so you would point them out and then we would run over there and praise that quality and the person would get so happy because they wouldn't.

What happened is they received. What we all look for is validation of who we are that we're seen and we're appreciated.

[00:09:30] Matt: Right. And, and that's just it. I mean, I'm seeing constantly through messaging on, you know, TV and other media is we all have this deep seated need, not a want, but a need to be seen at this point.

[00:09:45] Fawn: Right. And unfortunately, the way we are seen is this manufactured way of being seen. If you look at most actresses in movies and television, they all look the same. They do. And when one actress comes in that has a completely different look and she becomes a mega superstar, then everyone else starts getting the plastic surgery or whatever, to look like that, the hairstyle to look like.

And when we compliment someone, it feels like we're complementing a job well done on achieving this look or achieving this manufactured status quo kind of a thing. And that's not what I'm talking about complimenting. I'm complimenting the core of things, the true essence of something, not the obvious hairstyle,

not the obvious, um, job well done, right? Things that go unseen.

[00:10:44] Matt: I would never compliment somebody on their looks. I mean, I may compliment somebody on like a piece of clothing

[00:10:52] Fawn: or no, I, I compliment and looks all the time.

[00:10:55] Matt: I tend

to compliment

actions.

[00:10:58] Fawn: Maybe it's harder for you to compliment on looks because you're a man, but I feel it's a, it's a.

Responsibility of mine to compliment someone's looks especially women, but I'm not going to do it in like the misogynistic, uh, approval of society kind of way. You know, I go for, I go for the depth of it, like the true beauty of a person that requires an inner and then is that is obviously showing on the outer is what I'm saying.

So anyway, but for example, like I remember like we would, we would just, you know, like simple things, like, I'm just trying to give you examples of like compliments, but like things that go unnoticed. Can you think of something that goes unnoticed? Because we we've done it so much and I, but we haven't been out in a while out and about honestly, that it's, it's hard to come up with.

Exactl instances of how we would do it to give you examples of this. But I think, I think, you know what I'm saying? I think, you know, the feeling of something genuine, right? I mean, like we would go out to eat and someone amazing would bring us our food and the way they graced us with kindness.

Hospitality. It was a beautiful human interaction. Right. And we made it a point when the person didn't even know, we would go back to that restaurant and emphatically explain to the owner of that restaurant, what an amazing human being that person is. Not just that they did a great job. You are so lucky to have that human being, working with you in that business.

Right. So that's a compliment. Right? Right. But we would also tell the person while we were in their presence when they were bringing us a drink or food, we would exclaim our, good fortune and being in their company and being so thankful they brought us this amazing food. Do you know what I mean?

But we would also notice anything about them and like talk about it. Right. That's a

compliment.

[00:13:15] Matt: I got ya. Look. Yeah. That's that, to me, that's the key, you know, there's a couple keys to, complimenting somebody, you know, obviously paying attention, uh, obviously being truthful and genuine cause saccharin compliments or icky, uh, being super specific.

And, , perhaps the most important, none, not necessarily the most important, but one of the other interesting kind of aspects of it is, mix it up as far as, um, you know, if somebody hears, you know, every day did it that, uh, I really like your dah, dah, dah, well, mix it up. Say, Y it's like, I like your shoes.

No, tell him why. I like those shoes. They're bold. And it's not even that hard. I mean, gang genuine well.

[00:14:02] Fawn: Yeah. All right. Well, but then you're complimenting a shoe rather than the person I know. I know, I know I it's, it's complicated, but if it's truly heartfelt, the shoe is the person's personality. Right. So that's okay.

But there there's so many ways. There's so many ways to open this door and the art of the compliment is a beautiful gift. And there are so many ways we can explore this and this is what we're going to get into. And this thing , I'm putting together, but today, just for today, I want that to be the forefront of our consciousness is what we're noticing out there.

What are we noticing about the people in front of us. You may not even know that person.

[00:14:51] Matt: Well, what are the

good things we're noticing? Cause that's just, it it's, it's not about merely noticing who a person is, what a person does, et cetera, et cetera. it's really trying hard to focus on the good aspects and because what we focus on grows, the more good we see in others, the more good we see in

ourselves.

[00:15:12] Fawn: Yeah. I mean, obviously this is, I think why our culture in America especially is under so much duress is because there is no genuine respect. when we lose love and respect for each other, this is how we finally die. That's a quote from, that's a quote from Maya Angelou.

[00:15:34] Matt: Ouch.

[00:15:35] Fawn: But it's true.

[00:15:36] Matt: I'm not saying it's not true.

I'm just saying ouch,

[00:15:39] Fawn: but like, it's also a way to diffuse a situation. Like I remember having a conversation with your dad years ago, he was still pissed off at you years decades still pissed off and still he's, he's always pissed off at you, but like, I mean, were you a teenager when you bought your truck, you bought a Toyota.

[00:15:59] Matt: I bought a Mazda. I wasn't even smart enough to buy a Toyota. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, actually the guy at the Toyota dealership pissed me off, so I couldn't buy a Toyota and, you know, shame on shame on him, shame on me. But yeah. Yeah, nevermind. Anyways, I bought them. Yeah. Right. Exactly. I bought a Mazda truck.

[00:16:19] Fawn: Well,

he was still pissed off at you. He was still upset with you. Totally upset with you decades later because you did not buy American. Right.

[00:16:30] Matt: Of course we have, we have a Japanese car now, too.

[00:16:32] Fawn: And so, so he was still holding onto that, of course. And he was getting all heated and loud when I was talking to him.

Right. And. All of a sudden it happened naturally. So I'm not, I don't want you to think that I was manipulating the situation. It happened naturally where I was like, wow, I'm not getting anywhere, anywhere with this conversation. He just wants to express how upset he is. And I think deep down in me, somehow I realized his, his point of anger.

It was beyond not buying American and his ideals of how life should be. It was that he wasn't heard. Right. You didn't follow his guidance. You didn't follow his way of living like everything about you, probably is in defiance of who he is.

[00:17:30] Matt: Wow. Oh,

well, if he chooses to project that way, that's fine. I certainly think I certainly owned that for some, some amount of time, but I've let that go hopefully,

[00:17:40] Fawn: but I think, okay.

Maybe that's coming out of my mouth wrong. I'm not, I'm not trying to disrespect you or your dad, but I just noticed in a split second. Wow. He feels maybe invalidated. Do you know what I mean? Because you didn't do what he expected. Right? Right. And so in that split second kind of the validation invalidation thing that came up, all of a sudden these words came out of my mouth.

It was not, I w I did not anticipate to say anything like that because I was getting mad at him for being mad at you. But by the grace of something, these words came out of my mouth. And I said, I really think that I didn't even say, think I said, oh my goodness, you have been such a beautiful provider for your family.

And he just, everything changed. Everything changed. It was about providing for him. Well, for him, it was about,

[00:18:44] Matt: that is one of his getting down to the core of the onion of who he is that is very important to him.

[00:18:50] Fawn: Right. And so, but it was a compliment and it was genuine.

[00:18:56] Matt: And you noticed,

[00:18:57] Fawn: I noticed and maybe no one ever thanked him for that in that way.

Maybe. I don't know. I can tell you, is that fighting kind of conversation that was happening completely got turned around, right. By a compliment that was genuine. Right. Because I realized, oh my goodness, this man, his sole mission is in his family life is to make sure everyone is provided for

[00:19:26] Matt: right.

And everybody. Yeah. Everybody makes smart decisions and everybody is provided for, for sure. And, you know, even you just talking about that in a way of diffusing conflict, I always describe that we're both dealing, you know, certainly at work, we're both, we're both, uh, playing out the hand that we're dealt because sometimes you just end up in this naturally kind of combatitive situation with people and sometimes you can diffuse that

by finding something that, you genuinely appreciate or like about that person. And one of the ways that I seek to diffuse these kinds of situations, where you just end up just conflicting with somebody is a explaining where your own head is at, so that they get a sense for where you're at and B before any weirdness has a chance to happen, because there are people who you will conflict with just kind of happens.

Um, getting to know that person as a person. So that maybe you can lightening it you know, I've, I've been in, experiences, previous positions where I was working with somebody and he just drove me nuts all the time. I would say, Hey, what do you know about X? And he would say, oh yeah, I can help. I can help you with that.

And he couldn't. Drove me nuts, but we had talked beforehand and I had gotten a sense for who he was as a person. I didn't necessarily, you know, I didn't agree with his political affiliation. I didn't agree with his, um, really any aspect of his life, but we could still talk about things like I knew we loved this truck so we could talk about his truck and I knew he loved to do of all things

uh, he did sports. And he was very competitive doing it. And you know what, be interested a little bit in everything. So I would ask him questions about things like that. And I would find out interesting nuggets, but the fact that I would dig into that, it kept us from really exploding later and it kept, and it was because I paid attention

[00:21:33] Fawn: and really the key to everything is paying attention

[00:21:37] Matt: to a lot of things.

It's definitely paying

attention

[00:21:39] Fawn: , but you have to pay attention. Yeah. Like we were looking at a I'm sorry, go ahead.

[00:21:44] Matt: And you have to be genuine and sincere. Yeah.

[00:21:47] Fawn: Yeah. Um, there so many ways also to offer up a compliment to gift someone that. It comes in many ways. It doesn't necessarily have to be with words.

Although, one of my favorite words, sometimes when I don't feel like talking and, and, you know, because it's now a zoom culture, sometimes I'll just type in yay with an exclamation point, right. Or, you know, talking about praise. That's another way to compliment. I mean, just like applause. If you look at babies and they do something amazing, which they do at every day of their lives, because everything is new and like they're learning something.

It's like, everything is a major accomplishment. Learning how to swallow a blueberry properly is a major accomplishment. Remember the first time our baby ate solid food, not milk. We invited the neighbors over

and this was on Bainbridge Island where friendship was very obscure. So they were looking at us like what?! We're like, yay. She ate blueberries, you know, like they were not having it. They were like, whatever, but do you know what I mean? But like, so just applause is great, uh, to congratulate someone, you know, the word congratulate means to wish joy.

It is to wish joy. Amazing. You know, they're life, Is to be celebrated. I mean, even like we're going through a major hard times right now, you and I, and Elle and Allegra hard, like crying hard, but we're still able to enjoy and see the gifts in it. So no matter what's going on, right. You can, there is something to notice that is

of great amazement for everyone when you pay attention to it. Yes. Right. Um, but like, you know, a simple, thank you. Thank you. When it's heartfelt, when you're feeling it much like smiling, you can smile and just stretch your lips out and bare your teeth. That is scary folks. But if you're smiling and you're feeling something that is genuine.

As simple as that, you don't have to go searching. You have to just access a feeling. There's so much, there's so much we can get into with the art of the compliment, but that's just, those are just a few things to wet your whistle. Is that a term to just get the, to prime, the pump, to, to start to initiate the whole process, opening the doors to

a whole other friendly aspect of our world is the art of the compliment.

[00:24:52] Matt: Now there is another aspect to complimenting and that is,

A compliment is a conversation and we need to bear that in mind. Me personally. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Okay. So every single academy awards show, I think you're shown time and time again.

How not to accept a compliment and receiving an award is receiving a compliment. Obviously the first thing they do is they thank everybody who worked with them and I get that and totally, yes, no quote unquote great movie is made without the support of a village. I get it. But where I go a little nutty is you can't say, oh my goodness, you're nominated for best picture.

How does that feel? You know, or, you know, and it's like, oh my God, it feels so amazing. But there's so many other people who, you know, so many other great movies. Why can't you

just say, thank you?

[00:25:51] Fawn: Women, especially when you compliment a woman, have you noticed that they'll turn it down immediately and then when you reinstate it, when you retell them, like, no, I'm serious.

And then it gets into a battle. Like they get upset and they're like, no, I'm like, whoa,

[00:26:09] Matt: they immediately have hesitate

which is the worst part,

[00:26:14] Fawn: they discount it.

[00:26:15] Matt: Yes. Sometimes, but sometimes they have to hesitate and then they have to find something to compliment on you.

[00:26:20] Fawn: Yeah. This is not re gifting and gifting guys.

When you get a gift, just be joyful about the gift. You don't have to send the person a gift immediately right back, it destroys the whole thing.

[00:26:34] Matt: Obligation destroys compliments

[00:26:36] Fawn: obligation destroys everything.

[00:26:38] Matt: It has a nasty habit.

[00:26:40] Fawn: Well, yeah, like, yeah, except, oh, and also it brings me like accepting a compliment. That's another whole, that's another day. That's another big conversation. The art of accepting a compliment, which brings us to complimenting your own self. Right? Like we used to. Not we used to, we still do love listening to a certain comedian, but he would say, you know, he'll get up in the morning and he'll say, damn, I look good today.

You look like all of five foot four today, you know? Yes. In my case, I look all of five feet tall today or, you know, just, wow. I did a good job here just to, in your, in your own spirit, in your own conversation to yourself in your own mind, how are ways you can compliment yourself? And why is it that we're so against doing that?

We're afraid to compliment ourselves. We're afraid to accept a compliment. What is that? Where did that come from? I shall investigate

[00:27:53] Matt: well in Australia, they talk about tall poppy syndrome where the tallest poppies are the ones that get plucked and put into flower arrangements . So the shorter poppies are the ones who get to live and the tall poppies are the ones that get pulled as it were.

And that might play into that. But you know, for me, yeah some mornings I'm like, you know, I try and be more thankful for things. And in the process of being thankful, it makes me feel good. You know, there's, there's a certain endorphin release in giving someone a genuine compliment that they get and just saying, oh my goodness, thank you so much.

Doesn't cut that in pieces, but saying, well, you know, really? Or, oh my goodness. Yeah. Look at your, um, um, um, um, shoes. They're very nice too. You're. You're you're cutting their ki man. You're like destroying their energy. Just accept

[00:28:50] Fawn: it.

Yeah. Cutting ki. Reminds me high school guys. High school. There was a popular girl in our high school, like it was combat.

So the popular girl you may think of was not what you think of in movies. Like the popular girl. Yes, she was pretty, but she was like scary. Like she, she was violent and like, you know what I mean? She, ah, It was battle. It was like being in jail. Do you know what I mean? Like, there were certain people who would like just attack you.

Um, but I remember I was standing there with someone I knew, and this is someone with a little mousy, you know, like it's a theme that plays throughout my educational career. Like I would be friends with someone that was very, very like weak or skinny or, you know, picked on. And so we were standing there together.

This girl that was like very weak and skinny. Um, not that there's anything wrong with being skinny, but she was, I'm just saying she was very low key. Do you know what I mean? Her personality was low-key. She was quiet. Um, so here comes the popular girl and the friend I was standing next to, it was looking at the popular girl, the scary, popular girl, like scary as in like she'll shank you right.

Okay. And so she comes up to her like in her face, the popular girl to this quiet girl and is like, what are you looking at? Right. Fighting words. And so my friend so gently, and so like instinctively, like it just naturally came out.

She immediately said, With like such, I was looking into her eyes while she was doing this because I was like, oh my God, because I already got trash pickup fighting with this popular girl, like a few months before I was like, oh my God, am I going to get more trash pickup in a second? Um, but so I was looking at her trying to figure out, oh my God, what's the next move.

Right. But this girl like totally like her face. Totally like, um, Open, um, eyebrows, relaxed, everything, and just looked at her and said, I was looking at you, totally admiring you. I think you're really pretty. And this person, the popular girl, her mean demeanor, everything about her changed in an instant, because it was, it was a genuine compliment.

Sure everyone would tell her she's pretty. Cause she was pretty, she was the most popular girl in school, blah, blah, blah. But, but it was genuine, it disarmed this crazy situation. Right. But it was genuine. It wouldn't have worked

any other way.

[00:31:45] Matt: Yeah. And that's that's the key is genuineness. Yeah. As a matter of fact, my goodness.

Yeah. High school, high school is a funny time. Isn't it? Yeah. I remember. Two compliments. I, I got one. I, I actually got one. Then I got second hand. And the first compliment I got was from a parent and they were like, oh my goodness your hair is like, so I don't know what was the word. It was like soft or clean or perfect or whatever it was.

And I was sporting long hair in high school, so I was in trouble. And then the other compliment I got was through my mom actually, who heard it from the parent of somebody I was in class with. And they were like, yeah, Matt, Matt looks really tough and gruff, but he's a really good kid.

And you know, these, these are the things that stick with you because they're genuine because they weren't asked for because yeah, they were just, they were just lovely

[00:32:39] Fawn: and you never knew the best compliments are from strangers. You know, sometimes I have described the scene before I'm going to say it again.

Cause it was, um, it was like a gift from an angel. I was at a grocery store parking lot, very crowded. And our kids were very little and it's, it's tough wrangling, a whole bunch of groceries going through like, um, you know, a certain, uh, A certain parking lot that I don't want to mention that certain people go to, to buy groceries.

Their mentality is definitely very selfish. Right, right. And so maneuvering that. You know, people don't pay attention to how they're coming and going the way they're driving, the way they're pulling out of the parking lot. So when you're a mom and you're carrying all these groceries and you have two little kids who are like that, you're trying to wrangle and keep

safe in this environment, you know, so that was happening and I turned it into a song or something. I don't remember exactly what we were doing, but we started laughing. But at the same time, I was like holding everybody and kind of like, you know, describing the world around us that was kind of dangerous at the moment, but treating it like ha ha you know, like keeping it safe and fun.

Again, I don't remember exactly what it was, but this is what I do remember: when I reached the car and I opened the hatch to put this stuff in, as I was putting the stuff in and the kids were still like, kind of running wild and I was trying to hold them together towards me. This woman came up to me I had never met before and she gets in my face and she's like, and she said, I want to let you know what a great mother you are.

And I paused, and I almost wanted to cry because you know, you don't always, most of the time you don't feel like a good mother. Right. Most of the time you feel guilty. Most of the time you feel like you're messing things up, you know, you said the wrong thing, you had the wrong tone. You should have been doing this while you were doing this other thing.

Um, all this is constantly going in your head and we were going through a really hard times back then. So, you know, once in a while I did yell at the kids, but every time I did apologize, you know what I mean? Like I made sure I never did what I did again, but I'm a human being. And the kids, you know, I would have talks with them, but I always felt bad, nonetheless, that I did maybe once in a while would lose my temper.

You know what I mean? Especially in a parking lot, which didn't happen that day. Right. But I, I do remember one time I did lose my mind in a parking lot because I got so scared that one of our kids was about to get run over by a car. I got scared. Okay. And I yelled. And so that's what I remembered when she said you're such a good mother.

I want you to remember that. Like, it was prophetic that she said that to me. And I think she even described why she thought I was a good mother, but like I was in shock. Um, but it was heartfelt. I could tell. And she crossed the parking lot to tell me, cause I watched her go again, like cross to go back to her car.

Um, but. I don't know how long after that something bad happened. And you were in the hospital, we almost lost you. You almost died. So we were going through a lot. And so one day, um, at home we just had messed up neighbors. They were racist. They were mean they were nosy. You know, they never offered to help when they saw the ambulance has come and take you away.

They just looked at it like they were watching a movie. Right, right. So, um, when things were okay, when you were safe, when you were okay, but you were still in the hospital. I was just mad at the world.

Right. And then. Something happened. And I was, I came down to the little patio area that we had and there was like, um, a toy and I threw, I threw the toy. I threw it at the wind chime. Like it hit the wind chime. I didn't throw it on purpose. I was just trying to clean up and it hit this thing hit the wind chime.

So it sounded like maybe like broken glass. I don't know. So long story short, the neighbor called the police. Right that I was abusing the children, which was not at all the case. The police came and I was in shock. I was like, what? And they were like, yeah, we heard that. Um, the neighbors think that you're doing something to the kids.

I'm like, what? And they're like, we're going to have to see the kids. I'm like, okay. So the kids were right there. The kids come in, all smiling and offering the cops sushi.

And literally the whole thing lasted not even 30 seconds. The cops were like, obviously this was a misunderstanding, um, have a good day. But that, to this day, that was years ago to this day. Anyone who knocks on her door I'm traumatized every day. But I always remember that compliment I got from that woman.

Right. You're good. It was like an angel. She was, she specifically said, I want you to remember you're a good mom and that saves my life.

Sorry. So you'd never know. I think the most important compliments are the ones you give to strangers. So don't be afraid to whatever comes into your heart, you feel like saying, just do it because you'd never know.

[00:38:58] Matt: Definitely true.

[00:39:02] Fawn: You never know how it could help someone. Can you close it out?

[00:39:09] Matt: I'm not sure I can. Oh my goodness.

It's a lot of emotions obviously circled around this, but just pay attention. Be truthful, be genuine, be specific is another good one. And when somebody gives you a compliment for goodness sake thank

them.

[00:39:32] Fawn: Yeah. You just have to say, thank you. And then you'll get used to it.

[00:39:36] Matt: Or like, thank you. You're so sweet or et cetera, but yeah, absolutely.

Just be grateful.

And don't learn from Hollywood.

[00:39:45] Fawn: What do you mean?

[00:39:46] Matt: It's an honor just to be nominated. Oh my goodness. No, just say, oh my goodness. Thank you so

much.

[00:39:51] Fawn: And do it with a, a genuine heart with a gentleness. You know, I've heard this story about, um, oh, I'm blanking out on her name, a very famous Broadway actor, female.

But she, at the end of her performance, you know how they throw roses, someone threw roses and it hit her on the head really hard. And it had thorns and everything. Cause she was still thankful for the roses, but like, it's kind of like the compliment. Make sure you point it a certain way.

[00:40:28] Matt: Don't try and beat somebody in the head.

[00:40:30] Fawn: Think about the velocity,

all that. Anyway, I can't talk

[00:40:37] Matt: my voice. Well, no. And that's another aspect of complimenting someone is don't leave it with something maybe left unsaid or even said, like, oh my goodness. She looks so youthful

[00:40:48] Fawn: because you're not, you lost weight. Why. That's not a compliment folks. Okay. How about just you look

[00:40:58] Matt: good.

[00:40:58] Fawn: Anyway, I want to stop it here. Um, so be have that in your consciousness, the art of the compliment and, um, I mean, be thankful for just general term now, like, Ugh, but just, just have it be in your consciousness. What you notice, especially the things that go unnoticed, like mothers, all the things that mothers do go unnoticed.

If you could just point out one thing how amazing that is even you Matt. I love that in the morning, you just take care of stuff. Thank you. It's very thoughtful of you. I appreciate that.

[00:41:42] Matt: You're welcome.

[00:41:43] Fawn: You know, like people were used to seeing every single day, day in and day out, especially people at work to compliment things that go unnoticed, look out for the things that go unnoticed.

That's it. We love you. Thank you for listening. Please go to our friendly world podcast.com. Is that it? I feel like we've had so many different websites, please reach out to us. Subscribe. Tell everyone what we're doing. Okay. Talk to you later. We love you. Thank you. Be well,

bye.