April 25, 2022

The Ceremonies of Life and the Disappointed Friend

The Ceremonies of Life and the Disappointed Friend

It was about the ceremony. It was about the experience. It was about the grief. It was about the, it was about my mom. It wasn't about these random people. I don't care really don't care. And honestly, don't care. So that's me, but just be careful with your words out there folks. Cause the problem is, is my dad said you are a disappointment, not that very disappointing or I'm disappointed that you're not coming.
He said you are a disappointment. Because that's his attempt to define my entire being versus defining an action. So just be careful, be careful at work. I was told very early on by somebody who wasn't particularly wise, but God, he nailed this one. You never say, you know, Bad. You say the work you did today was bad because it's inherently different.
You're not ascribing value to the person you're ascribing value to the work the person produces. It's entirely different.
This episode is about the friends who are disappointed; the people you can't please, and how to follow your own guidance in life.

the art of ceremony, dealing with disappointment, when people judge unfairly
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It was about the ceremony. It was about the experience. It was about the grief. It was about the, it was about my mom. It wasn't about these random people. I don't care really don't care. And honestly, don't care. So that's me, but just be careful with your words out there folks. Cause the problem is, is my dad said you are a disappointment, not that very disappointing or I'm disappointed that you're not coming.

He said you are a disappointment. Because that's his attempt to define my entire being versus defining an action. So just be careful, be careful at work. I was told very early on by somebody who wasn't particularly wise, but God, he nailed this one. You never say, you know, Bad. You say the work you did today was bad because it's inherently different.

You're not ascribing value to the person you're ascribing value to the work the person produces. It's entirely different.

This episode is about the friends who are disappointed; the people you can't please, and how to follow your own guidance in life.





Fawn: I have things on my mind, and I don't want to lose it because yesterday I said, let's talk about this on the show with, with, with the outbursts that I have been having that I was holding in for a few days. So let's get going before I lose my nerve or just lose it, like whatever. I don't know.

Um, all right. If you're about a quick, hello, you're bound to disappoint everybody at some point. So don't worry about. When people say they're disappointed in you, that disappointed friend, not only that today is not about the disappointing friend or, um, well, maybe disappointing friend that could be you.

We're going to use ourselves as an example to talk about what we're talking about today to really convey the message out there that you're bound to disappoint others in life. Okay. It has very little to do with you is, is my understanding, because I'll tell you the whole thing and we're going to use ourselves as the example.

Matt is leaning back and kind of bracing himself because it's mostly about him today. Um, bear with me. So it's not just the disappointed friend. It is the self-absorbed friends, the distraught friend, the born. Okay. I'm going to put this in quotes, "born of an older generation" friend, the "stuck in the old way" friend. Here we go. So, like I said, living life, living your authentic life, living, what you think is right for you and your immediate surroundings from your perspective, no one else can see your perspective, but you, so when you make decisions based on that, and it's not to say that you don't you're, uh, you're not

caring about other people or other situations, you know, most of us are. And that's what makes some decisions so gut wrenching, that's why certain situations in life are so hard. And you waste a lot of time going back and forth because you do see the other perspective, but no one very few people, especially these days have the capacity to put themselves in your shoes and really understand where you're coming from to have compassion, not only for themselves, but for you and why you're making the decisions that you're making.

Saying that that's one of the reasons why people get disappointed when you realize really you are responsible for your life, you are responsible for the decisions that you make. You are responsible for seeing your perspective and you have to live by that. And there are consequences. So what does that really mean?

They're disappointed in themselves the people that are mad at you, they're disappointed in their own life situations. And I want you to understand that. So we're w I'm going to, I'm going to start this story and give you all the different examples of this. I think it's really important to talk about because no one talks about it. When people are disappointed in you and they tell you, you are a disappointment, it is so hurtful

and you can go into a spiral and it can destroy you, which is what happened to us.

But don't let it destroy you. I want you to listen to this and, and know that you are a good person, that it's okay. Let me just get into it. Okay. So guys, Matt's mom became ill rather quickly. And you know, we, we talked with the family at least one or two times a week. We don't live in the same state

[00:04:07] Matt: and this is, we've been talking to them once or twice a week for years, since

[00:04:12] Fawn: 2015.


[00:04:13] Matt: so my mother re recently became sick.

[00:04:17] Fawn: So. It was Matt's mom's birthday. And then a week later she woke up and I had to be taken to the hospital. We, we had these Saturday morning dates with them, the whole family on the phone, and we would talk for sometimes two and a half hours,

every Saturday, like clockwork. One Saturday, we called and the phone kept being busy and we could sense something had happened. And so the story goes from there. Um, from the hospital, we were talking to Matt's mom and, um, when things were getting really bad and even from the beginning, she was saying she was ready to go.

She wants to go. And the whole family was like, no, please don't go. No, no, no. And she was fighting with your dad, you know, saying George, I told you I want to go. I don't know what the, what words were said, but apparently it was, it was not pleasant for your dad. I think he was thinking.

[00:05:18] Matt: Like it ever could be. . .

[00:05:20] Fawn: Well,

I mean, was he yelled at,

[00:05:22] Matt: um, I'm sure he was, there was, there was a lot of pain


[00:05:25] Fawn: so of course.

For a month and a half, there was extreme anguish for everyone, especially for your dad. And you know, your dad is a planner. You're a dad is a great provider. You're a dad is one of, probably the smartest people on the planet. Like literally a rocket


[00:05:47] Matt: completely lives in the world logic.

[00:05:51] Fawn: But from a, you know, from a different mindset, You know, our conversations had to be carefully critiqued before we had them.

Right. Like your mom would be the buffer. Like she would, she, she always was, you know, kind of real man, like George. Yeah,

[00:06:10] Matt: well, yeah, it reminds me of Kyle. What was that? Ben Stiller movie meet the parents where the mom would say muskrat when the father was starting to step out of bounds, it felt like my mother performed that role.

She didn't say muskrat, but she might as well.

[00:06:26] Fawn: Yeah, she, she didn't have a code word, but she would say, George, you know, So, all right. So we were talking and she specifically said, and we didn't want to anyway, because we, we have our own beliefs and everything, but she said, I don't want the girls to see me this way.

So don't come. And so anyway, and because of everything you went through, Matt, we were not only experiencing your moms experience. But we were reliving what happened with you in 2015. And so, and so are the girls, so like all these things came back

[00:07:10] Matt: when 2015, I was, I was in the hospital, things were looking terrible and I'm fine now, but yeah, things were looking


[00:07:19] Fawn: Yeah. Matt had a miraculous recovery, but basically he, he, I think you did die, right? Like you kind of crossed over a little bit. Well, it was bad guys. I don't even want to talk about it because I still have insomnia because of it. Like I can't sleep. It was trauma to say the least for the whole, you know, for the girls, for me, for you, obviously.

Um, so we, we couldn't revisit that because we're still living through the trauma of what we experienced. We tend to, because of, especially because of what happened, we don't, we try not to put too much emphasis on the physical things, you know, like even Christmas gifts or birthday gifts and stuff like that.

We're not about just the gift, the per you know, the physical thing. We're about experiences. We're about, you know, not holding onto the physical form too much and trying to be more light about it on many levels. So that's why one, because of the trauma, neither one of us could handle seeing your mom like that.

And two, it just, it wasn't, it wasn't healthy for the girls. It was not healthy for you. And also we were able to call several times a day and be there and provide levity for the situation. So we were right there as opposed to like what we'd be there would be in the way we'd be like constantly like just driving back and forth.

Whereas if we're on a call, there is no crying. The girls were like losing it the whole time, you know, but when they were on the phone, They were the, the granddaughters, they were like, hi grams, high gramps, you know, hello, uncle Jeff, you know, whatever. Like, you know what I mean? It was like, what they needed was for us to be light for us to be there with them at an instant, you know, instead of the driving back and forth.

And I'm still making excuses because of what was said to us. So I'm trying to explain to you all, and I'm sure maybe some of you are looking at us like we're evil for, for saying, okay, well we're not going to go be by her bedside. Right. So this is how the story starts. Am I saying it? Okay. My like talking too much right now.

[00:09:48] Matt: You're good.

[00:09:49] Fawn: All right. So what happened was, things started to escalate with your mom with her health and she was no longer coherent. Like, we couldn't understand what she was saying. They, they had her in hospice care. And I think the hospice care worker had her own beliefs in what should be done.

Right? Like, um, the entire family needs to be here right now. And so she it's a long story, but basically we felt like, wow, she fully expressed to us what she wanted, you know? And then all of a sudden there's the caretaker saying you want them here with you. Right. And she would mumble something and then the word yes

was made to come out. Like, yes. You know what I mean? And then that led to Matt's dad saying, okay guys, I want you to come right now. And so we, we, I mean, in that instant while he was still on the phone and like, with like telling the girls grab the luggage, so they brought all the luggage down. I'm like, okay, go take showers.

So we're not going to have the ability to take showers for a couple of days, maybe because we're going to be on the road, traveling, get trying to get there. We don't know where we're going to stay. So like, get ready. You're everything ready. And we did. And while they were doing that, I was on the airline trying to find tickets.

Basically would've cost us like $5,000 to go that day. And we would have had to figure out what to do with your job. You didn't even tell your job what had happened until days later after your mom actually passed away. So, no, no, no, no.

[00:11:33] Matt: That's, that's not entirely true. I did tell key people what was

[00:11:37] Fawn: yeah, but the crew didn't know.

So when you're experiencing hardship, the whole crew didn't know because they weren't sharing that experience. You didn't tell everyone what was really happening.

[00:11:48] Matt: Right. Because it's very hard to describe. So you tell the key people and you expect foolishly that people actually talk and people don't anymore.

[00:11:57] Fawn: You assumed that they would, and they didn't. Okay. And so what happened was, after making all the reservations and all that stuff, and you know, it's not like we have a ton of money. So $5,000 was a big chunk. And that was just for, I think, airline tickets right. For that day. So, um, we got on the phone with your dad

who had gone out to lunch. So we didn't know who he was sitting with. We do know we were on speaker probably. Right. Probably. And so w you know, it was the first time, I think you cried in front of your parents I think twice in your life, you've cried in front of them as an adult.

So you were crying to your dad trying to plead with him, please understand. I don't think it's a good idea for me to come for us to come for the girls to come for us to come. And he basically said that you're a disappointment and

[00:12:59] Matt: I'm very disappointed in you is what

he said.

[00:13:02] Fawn: I'm very disappointed in you.

And so, okay. You know, we immediately knew hurt people hurt, you know, he's in a lot of pain, but he's just the kind of person also that has no filter. That he could have a little bit of Asperger's maybe that was never diagnosed. I mean, just the word this man, the way he speaks is quite offensive, racially on all levels.

For me, like it's really hard to have a conversation. Like the patriarchy is strong with this man, as well as racial issues from his perspective. Um, so w whatever, then we felt like, okay, here we are. Again, once again, the outcasts of a family, we have been there before. This is why there was a big rift with us in the, in the past.

So it's like, wow, here we go again. Um, so dealing with all this and. Uh, another thing I want to say that was brought up through this whole story was, have you ever had a friend that speaks about you in not the greatest of ways? I think we all have, we all have had the feeling of people talking behind your back, and there are friends who do that constantly.

And you always know when you meet people they know, when they all look at you, you see the hatred from their eyes and these people don't even know you. They've never spoken to you, but you can tell an instant the first time they actually physically lay eyes on you that, oh wow, this person has preconceived notions of who they think I am.

And that happens a lot with your dad's friends. Your family friends that have never met us, but when they do, you can see that judgment all over them. And it's not my imagination guys. Like you can tell, wow, there's hate or there's I don't know. The only word I can think of is hate. W what, what would it be? Do you know what I'm talking about, Matt?


[00:15:25] Matt: absolutely. Absolutely. And so much of it is. Um, because they do talk because they express themselves because they live in both and that's just it. What other perspective do they have?

[00:15:40] Fawn: When

we talk we, we give our perspective and another person's perspective. I've always done that when I was in therapy as a teenager, I always gave my family's perspective first.

And then I said my perspective, but that's how I roll. That's how I do it. And, you know, once again, assumptions, I assume most people are the same way. I don't know.

So. All right, so we fly down. Matt's mom passed away, guys. We fly down, get everything taken care of where we're there. We're there. We're suited up in our best clothes. And I mean, we didn't have best clothes, but we bought best clothes. Elle and Allegra were in suits. I was in a suit. You were dressed up, shoes, shined.

Allegra was wearing a 16 piece suit. You know, the, the suit, the vest, the jacket, the trousers, the tie, the pocket handkerchief. The coat, the whole thing. Totally beautiful. Elle was in a suit. I was in a suit totally like respectable, respectful. We're standing there. We're at the funeral outside. And before we walk to the actual church, we're walking across the parking lot and I look inside the.

It was like on the outskirts of the church, there was a room or something before you go into the chapel area. And there was a man in the dark doorway guys. I don't know how to describe this to you, but I felt like I was watching the "Days of Our Lives" soap opera, because this guy was just kind of like staring at us cross, cross the parking lot.

And I said to myself, please, God, don't, don't let that be the preacher or the priests, whatever the, they call them and that particular religion of that church. And, um, I'm like, he can't be it because he felt guys I've had Tourette's about this for ever since we came back home like turrets, and I'm afraid to say the things that I actually said describing this person, because I don't want to offend anybody but sloppy

was one of the words that's in there describing this person and unceremonial, um, it was just weird and the way he was glaring at us, I'm like, okay, well, it's probably my imagination. So we kept walking. I'm holding onto you guys. We're holding hands and we stand, we, we saw your, your sister and she said, don't go in there yet.

Okay, fine. We're going to be out. Um, it was an open casket and they're like, you she's like don't, don't just don't I'm like, okay, no, we're not attached to the physical. We don't need to see that. You know what I mean? Like, I it's it's okay. It's not necessary. It's not necessary because we still feel her. I, I was dreaming about her.

I've been, you know, we're, we're still, we don't because again, because of the experience that we have had in our lives, we try to not focus on the physical that we don't think that there's a separation. And we try to hold onto that, especially after what happened with you, Matt. So we're standing outside, we're greeting people that are coming in.

People are kind of ignoring us. And again, whatever, it's not about us, it's about everybody else. Right. So we're not going to take anything personally until that priest or whatever he is. What do you call him in that religion? Pastor, the pastor comes, I'm like, oh my God, it is him. That's the guy who's heading this whole thing up fine.

And um, he says, hello to everyone ignores us. And then he mad dogs. What is, what does mad dog mean? We always use that term. I really don't know what it means.

[00:19:55] Matt: Uh, stare down with almost, you can feel, you can feel the ground. Now, if, when it's with a person, you can't hear the ground, but you feel it like the bearing of the teeth and the,

[00:20:06] Fawn: so it's a term that we use when we go out in public.

Sometimes we can feel that with people and we always use the term mad dogging. He's mad dogging me, or this person mad dogged me. So he began mad dogging our kids. He looked at Allegra, which is our youngest. Right. And in her full on respectable suit and tie that she was wearing all adorable. Adorable. Yes.

She's all girly, but she's all like, that's her style. That's Elle's style, you know, that's kinda my style too right now. And so mad dogged us just wouldn't even look at us in the eyes, just looked at our suits up and down. Like he was smelling, foul something. Like smelling something bad. Didn't even say, hello, he knew your name, whatever.

So I'm speeding it up. We're at the ceremony we're sitting in the front row and, hespoke and spoke and spoke. And then when it came down to talking about your mom's kids, of course, he gets to you, he's like, oh, what's your name, mark? Uh, uh, he, he said two M names But Matt I'm like, okay guy, I know, you know his name, what is that about?

Anyway, it was just, it felt sloppy to me. And then when he was done, he came towards us. He had to cross our path. So I said to him, thank you for the service. He wouldn't look at me and he kinda, he mumbled something and he walked on like, wow. Okay. So that's our experience. Now, this pastor was that what you call him a pastor, the family loves him, which is great because they need someone.

They need someone to be in their circle. Perfect. But like, this is what happens when you talk smack about people and even a pastor, should, you would think would have the grace and the love. Isn't that their work to be about love and embrace everyone and realize there are many perspectives to something and you are a grieving child as well.

Have the decency to look at us as human beings. I mean, and then as we're going all over the place, I'm like, is this a racial thing? Because obviously we're the darkest people here. Is it because my background is not Christian, I'm Jewish, what is it?

What is it? What is anyway? And then I stopped myself and I thought, you know what? Let it go. This is about these people. They're all in pain. Even the pastor, obviously, because he doesn't have the capacity for love. And so we were sitting there and behind us is the church and all the people that are in it.

And I swear to you all I kept hearing was whispering. Cause you know, everybody whispers in church, but it was a weird whisper. And because of our situation, because of our, like so much gossip about us in particular, like. You and me, Matt and the girls. And because we're so different, we're an interracial family.

We were on the outs with the family for a few years. And I'm sure everyone got to hear about that from only their perspective. Like we were just rotten kids that did them wrong. God knows. I don't know. But like I turned to Elle and all I have to do is just look at the kids and they know that I'm looking at them.

So they always look at me like, yes... We communicate through our eyes and we had our masks on and everything. So I look it Elle and I said two words, the whispering. And she looked at me and she, I could tell she was smiling and she's like church gossip.

I'm like baby girl. Yeah. So it's not just me. Like we could feel, you know, the whispering was, um, it was intense and it's intense to have your back to it. And there's nothing you can do, but sit with your back to that. You're very vulnerable to have your back against the enemy. , so that's what happened.

And we just want to talk about the fact that hurt people, hurt. Watch out when people make things about themselves. The sloppiness, the judgment that people hold, the inability to hold ceremony.

We go through life. Everything is ceremonial; making a cup of coffee is ceremonial, making food is ceremonial. Everything. Death is a ceremony birth as a ceremony. Oh, weddings are a ceremony. We've talked about our wedding ceremony and how beautiful it was, but how there was a brawl in the midst of it, two brawls and how people take the opportunity to use ceremony as a means of retaliation, as a means to letting out all the garbage out and flinging it around like you're at the zoo trapped in a cage.

Do you know what I mean? Matt is just staring at me. I have no idea what

he's thinking.

[00:25:37] Matt: I'm just letting her go, folks.

[00:25:40] Fawn: I'm almost done. I'm almost done, but you know, having the grace for understanding, of a pain other than your own

not holding on so much to the physical. Just let it go. Let go of the past harms let go of the preconceived notions that people have on you. It's not yours to hold on to just let it go.

[00:26:03] Matt: I do not accept delivery,

[00:26:06] Fawn: right? People giving you gifts. You don't have to accept it. You can say thank you.

Well, you don't have to take it. I'm just thinking just the small amount of time that we experienced what we experienced at this particular ceremony. I felt like it was a really important for me to talk today to you all about when people express disappointment in you, be it, you're not the sex that they wanted you to be.

You're not living the life they have planned out. You don't match anything that resembles their life. You have a sexual orientation that doesn't match the church's idea. God knows the list is infinite. I want you to know that you're not alone, that we all receive that kind of judgment from other people.

And it's really incredible to me. I love all religions. I do. I studied all religions. I respect them all to a point when they start misbehaving and saying what God deems acceptable. That's just man's perspective, man. The patriarchal perspective;

the human physical form, the limited view of life perspective. I'm here to let you know, please remember the beautiful light that you are and that's it. Matt, what do you want to say? I may jump in there again, by the way,

[00:27:33] Matt: uh, see, versus me my experience with the whole thing, because I grew up Lutheran, um, And I, I always carry myself around in a little bubble and I always talk about my theory of the onion and how there's so many layers.

So, you know, I only present outer most, very tough layers of the onion. So my experience was completely different. I didn't hear people gossiping. I didn't, I wasn't focused on that. I was focused on what was actually going on. And, you know, ignoring everything else and, you know, that's, maybe that's just a defense mechanism and maybe that's just, who knows, who cares. To me, it wasn't about any aspect of anything and other people's judgment.

It was about the ceremony. It was about the experience. It was about the grief. It was about the, it was about my mom. It wasn't about these random people. I don't care really don't care. And honestly, don't care. So that's me, but just be careful with your words out there folks. Cause the problem is, is my dad said you are a disappointment, not that very disappointing or I'm disappointed that you're not coming.

He said you are a disappointment. Because that's his attempt to define my entire being versus defining an action. So just be careful, be careful at work. I was told very early on by somebody who wasn't particularly wise, but God, he nailed this one. You never say, you know, Bad. You say the work you did today was bad because it's inherently different.

You're not ascribing value to the person you're ascribing value to the work the person produces. It's entirely different. So yeah, don't say you're a disappointment. It's just wrong. And yeah. It's funny. I thought the show today would be all about ceremony, but no,

[00:29:49] Fawn: well, no, it, it, I just had to give the background info.

I know I was just, it should be about

[00:29:55] Matt: seven. It was a lot more focused on what

[00:29:57] Fawn: ceremony is. Let's get into ceremony. What is ceremony?

[00:30:00] Matt: Well, ceremony is in this. Ceremony is an action performed only formally with no deep significance. That's one of the definitions.

[00:30:11] Fawn: Are you kidding?

[00:30:11] Matt: That's one of the definitions of that's one of the definitions it's like

[00:30:16] Fawn: to be.

It is a horrible, wrong inaccurate definition. Once again,

[00:30:22] Matt: what it's a conventional social gesture or act of courtesy. Hmm. So shaking hands as a ceremony. It doesn't mean necessarily mean anything.

[00:30:34] Fawn: See anything that's written by the patriarchy for me again,

[00:30:37] Matt: it's like a second, third definition. Come on. All

[00:30:39] Fawn: right.

It's not the first

[00:30:41] Matt: definition. Go ahead. And just, I was very focused on what ceremonies are and that kind of, to me, it kind of broke into kind of three, three basic ceremonies, opening ceremonies, closing ceremonies, and interestingly. And it's probably the better term for it, but I just describe it as like the tea ceremony, Japanese tea ceremony, because it's, it's its own thing versus an opening ceremony and opening ceremony for us is like a birth.

It can be, you know? Um, and, and we get into sticky, tricky stuff because there's an opening and closing all at once when you graduate. From, you know, a school because you're closing this and maybe opening and you are opening something else. So that's where things get difficult. And of course there's opening ceremonies for, you know, stores.

There's typically not closing ceremonies for stores, but you know, the

[00:31:37] Fawn: reason that that's a ceremony

[00:31:41] Matt: doesn't count

[00:31:42] Fawn: Yes it does...75% off yay!

[00:31:45] Matt: Yay. Anyway. And that's just kind of where I was coming to it from. I mean, there there's some ceremonies have deep significance, but typically that deep significance is invested by the people who are doing it.

So like a baseball game has an opening center. Dun dun da and a lackluster, I think closing ceremony, but the opening ceremony, they announced the players and maybe the players come out on the field. It's been a while since I've been to a baseball game, but it's certainly a football, they do this and then a closing ceremony, you know, thank you for coming folks.

Bye bye. But, um, you know, Yeah. Again, the investment is from the people involved the participants, and if you're there to gossip, then you're going to have a action performed only formerly with no deep significance, right? If you choose that, then that's what you're going to have. Now me, I had a lot deeper of a significance.

The pastor not withstanding because yeah, he was sloppy.

[00:32:49] Fawn: Everything is ceremonial. For example, when we give gifts or when we receive gifts, we don't just hear, well, I guess tearing of a present is ceremonial too, but like with us, Matt, the girls, and I will get a present and will meticulously slowly open it without hurting the wrapping. And we first Marvel in the shape of it.

You know, we hold that.

[00:33:18] Matt: I got to guess what it is.

[00:33:19] Fawn: And then we, we like look at different angles of it and we say, thank you many times. We don't just tear into it. But if that's your ceremony, that's perfectly great. This is our way of ceremony with a present. Well, I guess anything you do is what I'm trying to say is ceremonial.

Everything should be done with reverence, with thoughts , with, mindfulness,

[00:33:41] Matt: what everything you do should be mindful. Because the other thing I wanted to talk about is, so my best friend told me from the beginning that I should go, I should go. I should go. He didn't say he said, I think you'll be sad if you don't.

I think if there's any unfinished business, you should, you should go. And I heard him and I made sure he understood that I heard him.

But he let it


[00:34:09] Fawn: And again, this is his perspective. He would have been sad not to go. He chooses to live life the way he does, because his way of ceremony completely different than ours. Right. Right. And it's like, I was trying to equate it to in a lighthearted way, like the prom, everyone always said go to the prom.

You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't go. And I always knew in my heart, no, I will not regret. I don't want to go. And because the whole society was like telling me, Fawn, you need to go to the prom, you will regret it for forever. So I got, I paid money. I had my hair done. I paid money.

I got a dress. I paid money to, you know, pitch in to this big limo with my friends, you know, all this stuff. And the whole time. I could've used this money. Cause you know, first of all, you guys know my story, but like I was on my own right after graduation, I was on my own, getting myself to college, paying for my own college, paying for my own rent, everything I'm like, wow, I could've used this money for that.

And I didn't have a good time at prom because for the same reason I didn't want to go because first of all, high school was not fun. Why would I go to a big, expensive thing at night? You know, deep in my heart, I knew what was correct for me. It wasn't my ceremony, it's other people's ceremony. And it's other people's idea of what ceremony should be.

And that was a great lesson for me. It was financially expensive, but it was also spiritually, a very Expensive lesson to learn. You know, society could be telling you this, but if you know, in your heart, if you know, in your soul, what is right for you, you need to go with that. So I went to the prom, I realized I was right.

I shouldn't have gone, but I learned that. And I'm grateful for that lesson. However much I paid for it, it was worth it for me to gain that understanding, that society could be telling you what's right. But you know, what is right and correct for your life. And that's my message.

Do you want to go on with ceremony?

[00:36:33] Matt: I'm good. Follow your heart folks.

[00:36:36] Fawn: You're a good person. You are a good person just because you don't live life the way people expect it of you don't let that hurt you. Don't let that make you feel less than. You are not less than. You are an amazing light in the world.

Usually when people express disappointment, really everything comes to how they feel about themselves, how they feel about their circumstances in life, because think about it when you're really at peace, when you are good with your life and someone does something that is not in sync with how you live.

Are you disappointed in that person? Really? You kind of let it go and you would have compassion for that person. while saying to yourself, wow, they don't see it the way I see it. They don't maybe have my perspective and that's it. You don't stomp on the person and say that they are less than, it's just a different perspective.

And especially as a friend or as a parent to have the capacity, to just be good with your own life and your own decisions and respect other people's decisions and not let it hurt you. Much like I'm telling you do not let the actions of the ones that are disappointed, hurt you and dim the lights that is you and your life.

And I'm, as I'm saying this, I'm kind of hoping that you all are still our friends and you're not looking at me like I'm some evil person.

[00:38:12] Matt: But again, you've got to let go of

that aspect,

[00:38:15] Fawn: but I'm just telling you how I feel anyway. I know, I know because I, I do, I do want approval. We all do. And it hurts when we don't get it.

It hurts when people don't understand our choices. Yes, that is

[00:38:29] Matt: true. That is true. And I guess it's more baked into my DNA, certainly with regard to parental units and parental social structures like church for me to have a nice thick skin around it and not worry about it.

[00:38:44] Fawn: That's just it though. It's an outer layer skin and deep down, I know you, you have a kind, a gentle heart

that's very sensitive,

[00:38:52] Matt: that's true. But it never gets there. It never does

[00:38:55] Fawn: honestly. Well,

[00:38:58] Matt: I mean, yeah. Okay. Maybe it's stung for a second, but. God, he has told me I'm a disappointment, any number of times. And you know, I can either choose to curl up in a ball or I can choose to be magnificent and I'd much rather be magnificent.

[00:39:12] Fawn: And that, that just, it doesn't just go for parents, but that's where friendship starts. It's how we're raised by our families. And how we are grown, how we grow within families and how we're treated in families is the setup for how we treat our friendships out there in the world. I'm letting you know friends that you are magnificent and you are loved and you are a great light and even a greater light.

If you're living life in a way that most people are not, if you're living life to a tune that you have, created, you're making beautiful music and people may not understand it. They may not understand how to dance to it, but guaranteed, they will just keep going. And you'll find us. You'll find ones that can groove with you and understand and respect you and can appreciate your style of music that is you. That's it.

I do wish though, because I don't curse on the air that you could have heard all that I said yesterday, it felt good. It felt good to just release it and be so blasphemous because

[00:40:25] Matt: in the traditional sense of the word, I

[00:40:26] Fawn: suppose, Well, I w I didn't say anything about God. I just said something about some sloppy person that was putting on some garb.

That's supposed to be a representative of, you know, it's ridiculous. It is just,

like I said, you know what? Let's do a whole series on the art of the ceremony, because I mean, I'm not Lutheran, but the whole time I was like, let me up there. I would like to hold a ceremony. Let me, do you know what I mean? Like really? This is your job, man. Wow. Anyway, I hope this is one reason. I'm glad that your family doesn't know

we have a podcast. Oh dear. I hope they haven't Googled this. And if you have. If you're listening. We love you so much. Thank you for listening, please let us know what you think. Reach out to our friendly world podcast.com. Talk to you in a few days. We love you.

[00:41:26] Matt: Careful with your, with, with saying you are, anything and accepting don't accept.

[00:41:32] Fawn: Words,

have power.

[00:41:34] Matt: Yes, they do.

[00:41:35] Fawn: Good and bad. Love you. Talk to you later. Be well, bye.